Week 5 Recap Part 1: Bad Girls Club

If you thought last week was dramatic, just wait for tonight! Only 11 ladies remain, AND there will be a two-on-one date tonight- my favorite.  Probably the most exciting part of this week, however, is that they will be venturing out to Montana!  Wild West represent!  Can't wait to see these precious little bitches get outdoorsy...

Now, these girls are ROUGHING it.  They pull up to a five star lodge and they are clearly soaking up the adventure of the great outdoors.  Lindsay gets the first one-on-one date and I'm still wondering how Sean has so easily looked past that wedding dress incident on the first night... He admits that he almost sent her home that night, but something (the producers) convinced him to keep her around.  Thank goodness!  She could be his future wife!  Sean takes her on a helicopter ride (so original!) over Glacier National Park, and I admit this is pretty cool.  At their intimate frigidly cold picnic, Sean tells Lindsay that he likes her so much because she is not high-maintenance and she loves the outdoors.  Well then, Sean, please send home the rest of the 10 girls because I guarantee they do not fit that bill! All we see of the date is their conversations and I am beyond bored.  For some reason the fact that she uses the term "adolescent" rather than "teenager" makes me hate her, but I am thinking that Sean is smitten and she may be one of the finalists... They have made quite the connection tonight with their serious talk (make-out session) and she of course gets the rose.  For the final surprise of the night, the entire town of Whitefish, MT- all 650 of them- come out for a concert featuring Sean and Lindsay slow dancing (and Lindsay whorishly wrapping both legs around Sean) on a raised platform in front of the crowd.  Awkward.  Get. Out.

On to the group date!  Sean wants to rough it, yet again, and the girls are so excited for it!  They approach goats (or as one proclaims, is that a dog?), hay, and canoes. My dream come true!  They are about to enter into an outdoorswoman competition where the winning team gets more time with Sean and the other goes home in hysterics.  AND, someone from each team must drink goat's milk. Goat's milk?!?  That's just crazy- nobody has ever done THAT before!  Sarah feels confident that having one arm won't hold her back, and all the ladies' claws come out!  The girls start with a canoe ride, and Sean has doubts that any of them have ever been in a canoe before and that anyone will ever finish. Yikes.  Next up, the girls must move some hay bails.  Later, the girls cross-cut a log and I am convinced someone is going to lose an arm (too soon?), and finally they get to milk the goat.  These poor goats.  Luckily, Des is good with her hands and squeezes that milk outta there, then swallows it in one gulp.  All for Sean!  Red team wins and the blue team girls are really good sports about it!  No bitterness here!

THIS is how you choose your future wife.  (ABC)

The 4 winning girls head to a date night with Sean, but all Sean can think about are those poor girls he sent back to the lodge...  Chris Harrison to the rescue!  He brings an invite to the blue team and they collect themselves and get all glammed up to join the others.  The red team girls are really mature about this situation- I mean they drank goat's milk for this!!  I forget, is this show about winning lumberjack challenges or about making an emotional connection with Sean?  It seems like it is all about WINNING.  Hmm. Back at the house, Tierra decides that she cannot wait for her two-on-one date (she needs a one-on-one!) and she needs to talk to Sean tonight.  She stalks her way to the date and then sneaks up on him during an interview and we are all ready to punch her in the face.  If this isn't showing him her crazy side, I don't know what is.  Then again, these guys always love the crazies...  Sean is confused but SO happy to see her.  I wouldn't be surprised if she got the rose for tonight's date.  Sean is worried about her and assures her that tomorrow's date will be great.  Move #248 from Courtney's playbook.  Back on the original date, Sean spends time alone with all the girls and tells them all that he is crazy about them.  Sean, that is not the intent of the show...  You have to pick ONE.  Daniella sees Catherine on Sean's lap and bursts into tears.  Come on now girls, we've seen the show, we know how this works.  Newsflash: crying on a date is not the way to a man's heart.  She goes in for a kiss and everything is all better!  She gets the rose and I'm thinking, what a waste.  She is NOT going to win, just send her home sooner than later.  Alas. 

Ah, yes, time for the dreaded aka much needed two-on-one date.  Tierra vs. Jackie.  Only one will survive.  Jackie has no idea about the skank-move Tierra made last night, and Tierra is just ready to see her husband.  They all go horseback riding to "break up the tension", and Jackie trails behind in more ways than one.  Jackie decides that she needs to tell Sean the truth about Tierra flirting with a guy at the airport, and we all know how that will end up.  Sean is not big on the girls talking shit about the others (Kacie B., anyone?).  Lucky for her, Sean knows that Jackie is real and genuine and takes her information seriously.  Or does he...?  On to dinner and the gloves come off- both of these girls are in it to win it (the rose or Sean?).  The awkward silence becomes excruciating, and Sean needs just one more chat with Tierra to see if she comes with too much drama or not.  Tierra delivers a final heartbreaking story about her ex-boyfriend who died of drugs and alcohol and she really starts tugging on Sean's heartstrings.  How can he send her home after that?!  Sean has made up his mind and the rose goes to... Tierra!!! I am shocked.  Jackie gives him one final warning about Tierra and Sean chooses to ignore it and instead moves forward with the crazy bitch.  Is it possible to have just one season where this doesn't happen?  Come on. Tierra laughs maniacally at the camera at the thought of winning the rose and I really hope Sean is happy when he watches the season back.  Good work.

The girls head to the cocktail party and continue to bitch about Tierra's rose.  First Sean spends some time with Desiree and I love her so much.  I want her to go all the way but I know she will not.  It just depresses me to watch them because they would be so perfect!  However, Desiree brings up her confusion about his decisions (Tierra) and Sean says he now feels confused about her, but I know he'll keep her around.  Tierra tells us that she wants to punch all the girls in the face, and the tension is getting ridiculous.  Robyn is ready to turn this into Bad Girls Club!  Some of the girls confront Tierra and she lays it all out: the nasty looks and threats have got to go.  She is so over this.  If she wants to go get engaged she can easily do that.  There are plenty of guys in the world.  I wish I was making this up!  Sean walks in on Tierra getting all heated, and he is not happy.  He of course asks HER about it and believes all the BS she spews at him about getting attacked for no reason.  Sean decides to ask Lesley M. about the situation and I hope he doesn't punish her for being honest!  I love her!  Sean insists that he trusts his heart and knows what to do. The girls are confident that Sean will take away Tierra's rose.  HA. Keep dreaming.

Robyn vs. Tierra

Sean prepares for the rose ceremony and begins to have doubts that he will find his wife.  He is frustrated that maybe this staged show didn't properly cast the correct women for him!  Sean shows us his serious side tonight and nobody is smiling at this rose ceremony.  Three women have roses already and 6 more will be getting them.  Lesley M. gets a rose and I am thrilled- she's my new favorite!  It comes down to Desiree and Robyn and I'm like, come on producers, we already know Desiree sticks around a few more episodes!  Give us some suspense!  Robyn gets sent home- no surprise here- and I hope she has a bright future on the next season of Bad Girls Club.  Sean is questioning everything, and part of me just feels sad for him.  He is so innocent- I don't think he deserves what is coming...

Speaking of which, the rest of the season previews show us that Tierra will become Courtney 3.0 and I just cannot wait until she inevitably makes it to the finale!  Stay tuned for Part 2 of this week tomorrow night where Tierra almost DIES!  Until then...