Monday, January 28, 2013

Week 4 Recap: "I can't take the fakeness!"

Get ready for some Tierra drama tonight!  Sean is down to 13, and I cannot wait to see some more of these chicks head home.  ...And attack each other verbally and physically.  Our first date of the night is a one-on-one with... Selma!  Selma cannot wait to take it to the next level with Sean and then have babies.  She is ready for her date dressed in workout clothes (with plenty of cleavage) and I am wondering what this date will be all about...  Selma is really showing us her depth- she told Sean that she wants to be seen for more than her pretty face and being hot, and also drops to Sean that she weighs in at an emaciated 110 lbs.  No superficiality here!

Sean takes Selma on a private plane which clearly he is paying for himself, and Selma cannot even believe it is happening.  The glamorous date continues with... a trip to the desert!  Selma does not seem thrilled, but we all know that by the end of the day she will be labeling the date as the best day of her life.  Sean wants to test Selma's ability to handle being outdoorsy, and I am sure she will pass with flying colors!  Or she may just flaunt her hot bod at him and blind him into really believing she is perfect for him.  Either way.  Selma warns us of her immense fear of heights when she discovers that the task is rock climbing- I just hope that Sean's strength and confidence can help her through it and that they will grow closer as a couple because of this shared experience!  Shockingly, Selma makes it to the top and feels amazing with Sean's arms around her at the top of the mountain.  This crap is getting so predictable I want to vomit.  Or take another swig of my wine.

Later, Sean takes Selma to a romantic dinner- at an RV park. He sure is testing this girlie girl's tolerance.  It takes such an intense level of fake at this point for Selma to act the way Sean wants her to act, I am actually impressed.  They discuss Selma's Muslim roots and her reluctance to kiss on national television.  Sorry Selma, that does not bode well for you...  There's a whole house full of girls waiting, ready and willing to kiss him (and more...) and I am guessing he may be swayed by their tongues more than your "innocence."  She gets the rose anyway and we just wait until he gets tired of waiting to take the next step... Yawn.

Time for the group date and some roller derby!!  Sean can't wait to see these bitches knock each other to the ground.  Tierra lets us know that she has had some building aggression, and she is ready to kick some ass.  Most of these girls are struggling to even stay on their feet and the crashes are wildly entertaining.  In other news, Sarah is struggling to skate with her one arm, bringing the focus right back onto her.  I can only predict that Sean will be so impressed with her willingness to get back out there that he will think even more highly of her and maybe even give her the rose.  Finally, cocky little Amanda takes a major spill and possibly breaks her chin.  Maybe the attention will be moved back to her now!  I'm telling you, 5 minutes into the date and I'm over these train wrecks.  Great date, Sean!  He changes his mind and decides they should just free skate and I am more bored than ever. 

This will not end well... great date, Sean!  (ABC)

Finally it is time for the girls to "let loose" aka lose their shit at each other.  Tierra acts like a bitch to all the other girls because she is so over the group dates.  Amanda gets back from the hospital and Tierra is even more pissed that her time is shortened more.  Amanda informs us that she plans to milk this injury for all it is worth and that she'll definitely take a sympathy rose.  She wishes her tonsils had been injured so that Sean would kiss those.  Yikes.  She is clearly here for the right reasons.  Meanwhile, back in Tierraland, she is about to walk out of here.  The girls are just awful.  She can't trust anyone and it is so annoying.  She deserves more than this- being tortured every day is just crazy!  She can't take the fakeness!  She is breaking down inside!  She can't be tortured like this!  She interrupts Sean and Lindsay getting it on so she can tell Sean about her problems, and Sean is really concerned about her.  Sean convinces her that she indeed still likes him and wants to spend time with him, and that she should stay.  Sean talks her into staying by giving her the rose and we are all shocked.  Tierra is clearly the best player in this game and Sean is such a naive idiot.  Again, Tierra will win and I may as well quit this now.  ...Okay fine maybe not.

All's fair in love and bitchiness (ABC)
Okay last date of the night goes to Leslie H.  How can I even pay attention to this after all the drama and bullshit I just went through?!  Sean has planned a full-on Pretty Woman date for Leslie and I can't lie- I am pretty jealous.  Sean is just like Richard Gere!  Minus the whole actually having his own money to spend on the girl, and the whole having a successful career, and the whole personality thing.  Alas.  I cannot believe that Sean sits through this whole shopping endeavor as she tries on dresses- pretty sure that he got bored and just told her that one was the best, because I'm not thinking it was the greatest choice.  Sean then "buys" Leslie a massive diamond necklace that completely clashes with the dress and we all wish we could be on a reality show and have ABC funding our lives!  Yes I am jealous.  They get all dressed up to show off for everyone on their private date and enjoy some exciti--er--yawn-inducing conversation.  Sean knows she is a great girl but just isn't feeling it... Could it be that Sean is FINALLY narrowing down the field using actual feelings?!?  Poor Sean, it is so frustrating to not feel a connection!  Sean breaks Leslie's heart and we are all so devastated. Leslie leaves by giving Sean the necklace and a little warning about some girls who aren't here for the right reasons.  And in true Bachelor fashion, Sean finishes the intended final part of the date by listening to the live artist playing a sad song, alone rather than with Leslie.  How emotional.  Leslie tells us that she would give back all the clothes and diamonds in exchange for more time with Sean.  Ohhh innocent Leslie, I think you will change your mind after watching the season.  Not to mention- diamonds!!!

On to the cocktail party!  Robyn entices Sean with her "chocolate" pick-up lines and he clearly cannot resist her chocolate.  She laughs awkwardly and I am over her.  Tierra starts to get angry about all the girls talking about her, and she cannot understand why all the heat is on her! What did she do anyway?!  She just has a target on her back for no reason!  She is the victim here!  She must have closely studied Courtney's words and actions from Ben's season, because this is like deja vu.  She apologizes to Robyn and Jackie (which was admittedly fake and forced), and all is happy again!  Sure.  She actually hates drama and is really so chill, but she just likes Sean so much!  She needs reassurance, but Sean knows she is a good person and doesn't worry about what others say.  Wait where have I heard this before?  Every. Season.

Time for the rose ceremony and only 1 woman is going home.  Ugh.  I am convinced this season may go on for 6 months at this rate.  The final rose is down to Amanda and Daniela and I wish they would both just leave.  Amanda gets sent home and I am actually ecstatic!  Good riddance to you, ya fake loser.  Hope your chin heals up!  Next week is apparently a 2-night event, hopefully in order to get rid of more of them faster, and I cannot wait until Tierra gets injured and milks it for Sean's sympathy yet again!  This season is just so original I can't even handle it!

Bonus of the night: In the final closing credits of the episode we see Sean trying to operate a manual vehicle on his date with Selma.  Turns out he forgot to take off the e-brake.  It was so pathetic it should have been endearing but... not.  Just another credit to Sean's lameness and inability to be a real man.  Oh Sean, why???  Tune in next week for the double-the-fun event!  Until then, stay bitchy!

Monday, January 21, 2013

Week 3 Recap: Big Spills and Hot Competition

Another week begins with Sean getting his sweat on in the gym. Ohh yeah.  16 girls remain tonight, and still not everyone gets a date... how sad.  The first one-on-one date this week goes to Lesley M.- remember that strong connection they made last week when she was wearing that midriff-bearing shirt? Ohhh yeah, can't wait to see what happens now!

Sean's plan for the date involves hitting up the Guinness World Records museum and Sean is acting lamer and more boring than ever.  Lesley is not feeling it either.  But, then we find out that Sean's dad is a world record holder! Wow!  Sean decides they should try to break their own world record in the form of world's longest on-screen kiss.  They are on Hollywood Boulevard in front of a huge crowd and this could not be more awkward.  Thank goodness they already kissed last week because a 3 1/2 minute forced kiss would not be my ideal first kiss with a guy... Sean is just so good at coming up with fun dates!  Lesley starts laughing during the kiss and I cannot even handle the absurdity.  Literally.  Watching this is torture.  Yes, Chris Harrison, this is the most bizarre thing I have ever seen.  The crowd is getting uncomfortable and so is the rest of America.  Lesley tells us that today is the best day of her life, but I think she may change her mind when she sees the episode because frankly, this is horrific.  Finally they pull apart and I can take my head back out from under my blanket and look at the screen again.  Let's get on to the rest of the date, shall we?  Later, Lesley tells Sean her life story as Sean stares awkwardly at her and we can just see the love blossoming.  Lesley goes in for a kiss, as if they've never kissed before, and I wonder how long until she spills her champagne glass all over Sean's back.  Lesley of course gets the rose (I would hope after all those "connections" they made today) and she quickly becomes one of the clear front runners.  After all, Sean admits that he has high hopes for their future...

Most uncomfortable 3 minutes and however many seconds of my life... (ABC)
Next comes the group date and all 12 girls are headed to the beach for a little competition.  All of the girls get into their bikinis (provided by ABC it seems, since they all coordinate...) and Sean of course takes off his shirt, at the insistence of the girls.  Chris Harrison shows up and we are all so surprised!  Maybe it's not just a day at the beach??  They divide into teams for a little beach volleyball, and the game consists almost entirely of the girls trying to get the ball over the net.  Even once.  Taryn tells us that this is the most important game of her life, since the prize is more time with Sean.  This is the big time here, people.  Like, bigger than the Super Bowl.  Finally Kacie B.'s team wins and Tierra's team loses and poor Kristi breaks down into hysterics when she has to go home from the date.  These women LIVE for Sean.  These meltdowns.  Wow. 

I can't imagine why Sean would have planned this date! (ABC)
Later, the 6 winning women hang out with Sean.  Lindsay tells Sean like, that she like, wants him to be her like, best friend, and she is like, so excited to fall in love.  For some reason Sean responds with a kiss.  Did you forget about the wedding dress incident?!?  Desiree insists that she is not only fun but she is also really deep, and Sean is eating that right up.  Amanda gets some time alone with Sean and I guess she has cheered up since the rose ceremony.  She explains how fun, light, and airy she is and the other girls (eavesdropping) do NOT agree.  They maintain that she is a creep.  And questionable.  But she really believes that she will be getting this rose.... Kacie B. decides to take matters into her own hands and expose Desiree and Amanda for the bitch fighting that has been occurring- because it is really affecting her in a bad way.  KACIE B.!  This backfires big time and Sean is not happy with her getting in the middle of this.  Her plan for evil-doing is not going well and I am freaking out now too!  Lindsay gets the rose and Kacie looks like a crazy person who can't handle the drama.  This is not ideal.  I want to still love you Kacie!!

AshLee gets the last date of the week and I am racking my brain trying to remember who the heck she is.  But before the date can begin, there is a big banging noise!  Tierra fell down the stairs!  Sean the doctor diagnoses a concussion and we need to call the ambulance ASAP!  Am I the only one who is disappointed about this?  Of course the producers made it seem like someone was going to PUSH her down the stairs.  Lame.  Tierra refuses to go to the hospital and this is just pure drama!  Suddenly, she has a miraculous recovery when Sean comes to talk to her, and the girls are getting a little skeptical...  AshLee is getting pissed when this cuts into her date time, and thinks it is NOT cute when Tierra plays the victim.  Now I wish someone would just push another girl down a stairway so we could have some real entertainment.

Finally we get to the date and we are ready to move past the big fall.  Sean wants to see if AshLee can be caring and compassionate, so he takes her to an amusement park.  Wait, what?  Okay, Sean explains that they are going to be taking some kids with chronic illnesses around to play with them.  That is so nice!  I actually appreciate this.  AshLee fake smiles when she finds out that these little girls would be crashing her date.  There are some touching moments and it actually makes me happy that Sean is doing this for these girls.  And he also sees the compassionate side of AshLee, how wonderful. They all get a private concert from Sean's favorite band who nobody else has ever heard of, and we actually see AshLee tearing up in emotion.  Okayyyy I guess she does have a heart after all.

Later, they get some one-on-one time and AshLee wants to spill her life story of everything she has been through, which apparently is a lot.  She confides that she wants to adopt older children and Sean apparently agrees wholeheartedly.  AshLee explains her past of being abused before adoption, but she is so positive now.  Sean starts to tear up at her life story and he is really affected by all the love in her life.  I'm bored.  Does that make me a bad person?  She gets the rose and we get it, Sean likes every single girl on this show.  Can you stop being so nice and innocent now?  We need some excitement.  They dance as this unknown band plays and we are all so moved by this emotion!  Sorry AshLee, you have already cried one too many times for my taste.  Moving on.

Finally it is time for the rose ceremony, and some girls are pretty nervous!  First, Sean talks to Sarah and surprise!  He brought her dog from home to visit her!  If I were the other girls I would be so jealous- time with my dog would beat time with Sean any day.  Sorry, Sean.  I guess he is going to keep her.  Next he chats with Tierra and she reminds us that she is a little injured from that fall.  How sad.  Desiree interrupts and Tierra is pissed off because she was NOT finished with him.  She wants to punch some walls.  Tierra takes Sean back and there is some draaamaaa in this house!  Lesley steals Sean next and these girls are getting RUTHLESS.  Did we all forget that this is a competition?  A game even?  Yeah...  Well, finally I am getting my wish and things are getting more intense!  Time to see who is going home tonight!  Before the rose he pulls Kacie B. aside and we are all wondering what is happening.  And then he sends her HOME!! Better off as friends!?!  I am devastated as we all know what a Kacie B. fan I am, but I am glad that she will not end up with a boring loser like Sean.  Poor Kacie leaves with regrets this time.. maybe she will try for a 3rd attempt?  Actually, I would recommend Bachelor Pad, Kacie.  Many more hotties all in one place!

On with the ceremony!  Crazies like Tierra and Amanda get roses and we are all so surprised.  Desiree gets the final rose and we are not at all shocked because the ex-boyfriend drama hasn't happened yet!  Taryn goes home (remember how plain and boring and emotional she is?  See ya.) and Kristi also gets the boot (but she is a MODEL!  You can't force something that isn't there though...).  Sean has narrowed it down to 13 women that all have the same exact personalities, values, and goals in life, which only means that Sean (lacking real feelings and emotions) will be drawn to them all and unable to choose between them.  This should be fun!

Next week we allegedly are going to see some more Tierra drama, although up to this point the episodes have definitely not lived up to the previews, so we shall see what actually happens...  Hoping for more crazies and some REAL drama!  Stay tuned for more updates and of course heartfelt commentary from yours truly!

Monday, January 14, 2013

Week 2 Recap: "This Feels a Little Messed Up"

Week 2 of the drama begins! ...with a montage of shirtless Sean... what else is new?  Let's dive right into the action, shall we?

Sarah gets the first one-on-one.  Sympathy date?  I hope not. Ohhh what a tight spot.  If you recall, she is the girl with one arm who does NOT want to be treated differently or talk about her one arm, except when she is talking about her one arm.  Sean, in true Bachelor style, arrives for the date in a helicopter.  A HELICOPTER!  I cannot even FATHOM that they would have a helicopter ride date on the Bachelor!  This is shocking.  As for Sarah, this first five minutes with Sean in a helicopter is literally "the biggest dream come true" of her entire life.  Really?  Not when you overcame your disability to be treated as a normal kid, graduated college, got a job, anything like that?  Sure.  Sean explains that they really clicked at the cocktail party because he was impressed with how she talked openly about her one arm, and that is why she is on this date.  Ohhh for the love, can we please move on from this? Thanks.

Time for some adventure!  Jumping off of something really high up?! This has NEVER happened on the Bachelor before.  I hope that by overcoming their fears together, they can grow closer as a couple.  I can feel the romance blossoming with every step they inch toward the edge.  What if they DIE?!?  It would make for the most interesting Bachelor season yet... Alas, they survive, all thanks to Sean's confidence!  Finally, now that they have formed this life long bond, it is time for the part of the date where they actually talk to each other.  One guess what the topic of the night will be!  Thank goodness for DVR- fast forward me to the drama, please!  Well it looks like Sarah gets a rose... I still maintain that she will be around for quite a while, whether he really likes her or not.  She's a nice enough girl but I don't see her as THE one for him. We shall see...

Group date time!  There are 13 girls on this date. 13!  This is excessive.  First they pull up to a mansion/castle.  Upon entry they learn that they will be doing a photo shoot.  Ford Model Kristy immediately rejoices. Oh, is this your profession?  I hadn't heard.  A romance photo shoot?!?  Does this mean Sean will have his shirt off?!?  Meanwhile, Tierra already starts to drive the girls nuts- this is shocking!  Even the make up artists are talking shit- this is too good.  Luckily Sean doesn't see any of her dark side!  He still thinks she is sweet and innocent.  Where have I seen this before....?

The photo shoot begins, and Lesley M. starts to make a big impression on Sean. Could it be that her entire midsection is exposed and that she has a hot bod?  Maybe... She even gets a kiss on the lips.  WHAT?!? How dare she do what the photographer directed her to do!  By the way, have you heard that Kristy has modeling experience and that she is ecstatic about this shoot?  And in the biggest shock of the night, the professional model wins the modeling competition!  Congrats, Kristy!

Sean starts to see Lesley M. in a new way... (ABC)
Next up is the pool party aka Sean's excuse to judge all the women based on their bikini bodies rather than their personalities. I can't wait to see which of these ladies go in for the kiss tonight... Sean and Lesley are so adorably awkward together that I can't even stand it.  Are we in 10th grade?  Just KISS. I feel uncomfortable.  Lesley decides that she can't stand it either and she's going to grow enough balls for the both of them and go for it.  THANK YOU.  Finally Kacie B. gets some time with Sean.  All I can think is "friend zone."  I have a feeling that they will remain friends and nothing further.  Which is okay with me- she can do better!  She's Kacie B.!  Sean continues to meet one on one with the ladies while the others sit around and bicker.  More girls start to see the "real" Tierra, but Sean wants her to feel at ease!  He wants her to stick around!  If she isn't channeling Courtney then I don't know what she's doing.  Later in the night Katie decides that she can't handle living with a bunch of fake bitches anymore and that she needs to leave.  Good riddance.  Nobody will miss you, as Kacie B. makes clear.  Moving on.  Kacie B. is smart this time around and plays it right and gets the rose.  Even with her new semi-conniving attitude, I still love her! 

Desiree gets the next one-on-one date.  Remember, Desiree was an early front runner in my mind, but previews show that she will have a dramatic ex-boyfriend incident and will go home.  So... I won't worry too much about this date.  It seems as though Sean is going to pull a Punk'd on her tonight and see how she reacts when a piece of expensive art crashes off the wall of a gallery.  How romantic...  Sean just loves being a prankster!  Remember when he pretended he lived with his parents to mess with Emily??  SO funny!  As Chris Harrison says during the prank, "this feels a little messed up."  Yeah, it is.  As Sean says, "I am a bad person." Yeah, you are.  Finally, Sean feels bad enough and ends it.  Thank goodness she has a sense of humor!  That joke really helped them make a strong connection.  Later, they bond over their love for their parents, blah, blah, they like each other, she gets in her bikini, he likes her even more, she gets a rose, they kiss, blah, blah.  She would be in the top for sure if she wouldn't have this dramatic past come back to ruin it.  Sad.

Finally we come to the rose ceremony/cocktail party.  Sean is apparently only getting rid of 2 girls and he already knows who they are. Yawn.  He spends some time with Lindsay (oh yeah, remember the wedding dress?) and reassures her that he still really likes her (when did this happen?).  She admits that she had a bit too much champagne last week... I guess she is better off sober.  Sean starts to freak out because the producers have hand-picked all of these women to have exactly the qualities he is looking for, and he doesn't know how to narrow it down from there!  This is when feelings and a personality would be helpful, Sean... Later, Amanda starts to get grumpy and makes everyone really uncomfortable.  The other girls just cannot simply ignore it and move on- they MUST point out how awful she is and talk about it to no avail.  What else do women do when they get together but talk shit about other women?  I think the real problem is that she has clearly lost her hairbrush, and it is making her really upset!

Later, Robyn brings race into it as she wonders if Sean is into "black females," and Sean assures us that physically he does not have a type, but that he loves and has experience with women of ALL races!  Things are getting very uncomfortable. Or is it just me?  Let's just get this elimination over with.  Time to see him give roses to all the girls I have already forgotten about from the first night!  Amanda gets the final rose of the night and we are all SHOCKED because she was so grumpy and fake.  Sadly, Brooke (who?) and Diana (who? oh, the mom) are eliminated and I cannot believe it!  Love was just not here for them, says Brooke.  I am still anxiously awaiting more of these girls being eliminated- he is just not getting rid of enough of them each week!  Move this along, please.

Sean's diverse group of ladies- and he is attracted to them ALL! (ABC)
It appears that next week we will finally see some REAL Tierra drama, and I cannot wait.  Hopefully more of these women will show their personalities and we will get insight into who the major front runners will be, along with Tierra.  Stay tuned for all the excitement!

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Week 1 Recap: Brides, Bullies, and 50 Shades of Drunk

Night One of Sean's season starts out in typical Bachelor fashion with touching scenes of Sean standing on the shoreline of the ocean pondering his life and his search for love.  But it actually turns into a night unlike the typical Bachelor openers that we have become so accustomed to.  Read on to find out more...

Turns out, I had forgotten about Sean's hot body and his love of working out.  Luckily, the producers reminded me in the first 5 minutes of this episode.  Thank you, ABC for flaunting the one redeeming quality about Sean all over the screen, and for costuming him in all those V-necks.  Gotta love it.  We start off with a touching recap of Sean's desperate search for love and his pathetic story of losing the psycho-bitch Emily.  Just breaks my heart!  Enough.

Next, Sean gets a special visitor... ARIE!!  Arie reminds us yet again why HE should be the Bachelor on this season.  All of that wit and charm, 5 minutes with him is not enough!  His kissing advice actually killed me.  What woman wasn't jealous of Emily's make out sessions with him??  I hope Sean took those tongue usage demonstrations seriously and will put those to use- maybe then he'll have one more asset to add to his looks and naivete.

Time to meet the crazies- er- women!! First, the producers introduce us to the ones who actually matter.  Desiree: Love her!  She is perfect for Sean, so she will make it pretty far (ala Kacie B on Ben's season), but she seems pretty normal so she won't win.  Tierra will win.  She is a crazy bitch who knows how to lie and manipulate, and she's got 2 pretty big assets that Sean will be drawn to. It is clear she will be the most hated, and the front runner all season. Diana: the mom.  Sorry, Sean doesn't want a divorcee with 2 kids.  No offense, but you won't win.  Sarah: the one-armed girl. Ughhhh you cannot make fun of a one-armed girl, and HOW is Sean supposed to kick off a one-armed girl without it seeming like he is doing it because she has one arm?? This will get awkward. Ashely: she has NO idea why she doesn't have a boyfriend. Oh maybe because the two men in her life are her cat and Christian Grey from 50 Shades.... ummmmm.... Lesley: she just accused DC of being full of nerds and politicians.  Hey now.  Plenty of nice guys in the DC area, Lesley!  No way she can win, she is far too smart and driven for Sean. Kristy: She's a Ford Model- that's "just crazy." "Girls will be jealous of me."  Yup, she's a winner. AshLee: yes, that is spelled correctly.  I want to be you because of your mad organizing skills.  But you will be FAR too high maintenance and you have FAR too much emotional baggage for Sean, sorry.

My prediction for the winner... Crazy Tierra! (ABC)

And now for the rest.  Jackie: get that lipstick out of here.  Sean does not want that on his face all night.  If only he had a mirror, he would know... Thank goodness Selma had that hankie in her massive cleavage to help him out. Daniella: brush your hair and get that handshake OUT of here.  Kelly: that fake tan.  I almost vomited looking at you.  No, it is not your singing that Sean didn't like. Katie: are you 45 years old? Because you look about that.  Yikes.  Please fix that. Taryn: You are too boring, sorry.  In any other world you would be great, but this is tv.  Robyn: stop.  I got really excited that you were a real gymnast when you turned around and set up for a walkover!  And then you crashed to your head.  HUMILIATING.  Just give up now. PLEASE!  Lacey: That lace heart is not necessary.  How could he possibly forget you and all your natural beauty??  PAIGE! From BACH PAD 3?!?! I am excited.

Oh and back to Tierra.  I already decided that she will win, so what is this shocking surprise at her first meeting with Sean?  They just VIBED!  SO he breaks the rules for her and gives her the rose IMMEDIATELY.  Yep, she will win. The end. No use in even commenting on any of the others.  Okay fine I have to comment on Lindsay: she comes out in a wedding gown AND goes for the full on kiss on the lips.  This is too extreme even for Sean, the desperate romantic.  As Lindsay says about herself: "Who does this?"  Yeahhhh wrong choice.

This is how you win a man's heart. (ABC)

And now for the BIGGEST surprise!  I was expecting someone horrible from a past season, but instead we get... KACIE B!!!!!! My favorite contestant EVER!  So excited to have her back!  LOVE HER!  Can't say enough about my excitement.  How can these girls hate on her so much???  Umm because they are jealous, as they know how amazing she is.  I guess I would be worried too, and therefore I may talk some crap as well... Oh well, as an outside commentator, I'm glad she's there!!!

Now for the SECOND rose of the night.  Desiree!  My favorite from the beginning! I'm so torn because I thought of her as this season's Kacie B, but now......

OMG Sean is breaking all the rules!! These girls cannot fathom this concept that he might just hand out roses without a formal ceremony!  This is NOT how these shows have gone in the past, Sean!  Though I am questioning some of his choices already... Robyn? Selma? Jackie? Really?  Plus he is right, it is now superrr awkward when there are roses laying in front of all of them when they chat, and some clearly don't get them.  Yikes.  But I mean, when you are acting like tonight is your wedding, you probably shouldn't expect anything...

Ohh Ashely P.  Such entertainment. I really just don't know why she is still single!  Could it be her alcohol consumption?  Her obsession with Christian Grey? Her solo booty dancing?  It's just so hard to pinpoint the problem.

And poor Taryn.  She didn't realize this would be a competition where she would need to fight for a man's attention with other girls.  Hmm.... Have you seen the show before?  And poor Sarah.  She doesn't want it to be about her one arm, yet all she talks about is her one arm.  And yes, Sean did feel uncomfortable. And yes, it is now clear that when she gets eliminated it will be all about the arm.  Sorry Sean, you are in a tight spot here...

Time for the rose ceremony!  Oh wait, 12 girls already have roses.  And he is keeping 21 girls!! That is ridiculous. Weed them out faster please!  We all know who will be in the top anyway.  Don't give these people false hope!  And he keeps LINDSAY?? Wow.  Good luck with that. I think I feel the worst for Paige.  Poor girl, she is such a super-fan and she gets eliminated night 1 of Bachelor Pad AND night 1 of the Bachelor.  Yikes.... wonder if she'll still be such a big fan?  Overall, I am NOT shocked at the ones who were eliminated, I just hoped more of the lame-o's would have been... I guess there is always next week.

UGH the season previews always make everything so difficult to predict.  It looks like perfect Desiree will be pulling a Frank from Ali's season and go back to an ex instead of winning the show.  Boo.  I still believe Tierra will make it to the end- she is like Courtney x 1000 in her psychotic levels.  Stay tuned into the season and check out next week's commentary to see what happens!