Monday, January 16, 2017

The Bachelor Week 3: Backstreets Back (And I Die)

So we are into Week 3 of the Bachelor, and there are definitely 2 main story lines so far: The slutty girl from his past and the slutty girl of his present.

1. Liz. Nick had a one night stand with her, and then she came on the show. And as with most one night stands, Liz overstayed her welcome and Nick wanted her to get the eff out. So he sent her home. And then had to tell all the other women about it. And OH MY GOD WHAT?!? Nick had SEX with a woman once???!?? Girls... have you seen this show? He actually has done the deed with Andi, Kaitlyn, and Jen... and those are only the ones we know about from TV. So... maybe get over it and stop wasting your own one-on-one time talking to him about how he felt about the situation... Also, props to Nick for being straight up with all the women and completely coming clean. Though are we surprised? Loyal fans will remember he was the first to ever explicitly state what we all assumed about the Fantasy Suite back in Andi's season. He is NOT shy about outing himself for his sexual exploits, and I doubt he will hide anything else this season. Which leads me to...

2. Corinne. She has clearly read the Bachelor playbook "How to Win the Game AND Become the House Villain." So far she is doing everything right- dressing like a huge slut, making out with Nick as much as possible, getting naked and having him grab her boobs, making him lick whipped cream off her nipples, and generally oozing sex. Oh and it's only the first week. So, SHOCK- Nick enjoys it and is veryyyy attracted to her, but feels like maybeeee he shouldn't submit to her sexual advances when he is still dating 20 other women and he's known her 3 days. This chick knows what she wants and is going to greater lengths to get it than this show has seen before. Impressive. I, along with most woman viewers, am pretty disgusted by these actions, but am I surprised? Not at all. This is how girls have gotten attention every season, so why not try? The real first here is that Corinne straight up doesn't even come to the rose ceremony, and just passes out in her bed with her rose instead. Has this ever happened before??!? You're safe so you just don't show up?!? This has hit a new level of House Bitch for sure. Amazing. What else will this chick come up with??? Dying to see.

In other news, HOLY CRAP this week they get to meet THE BACKSTREET BOYS. I literally wish I was on this season solely because they get to meet and dance with BSB. (Yes I know I am married but OMG it's BSB!!!!!!!!!). I spent many years of my life worshiping BSB, and I would definitely pick Nick Carter over Nick Viall right now. I don't even care about how annoying Corinne is being on this date, all I care about is singing along to Backstreets Back.
Aside from the amazing BSB date, the real standout story line for me this week is the dichotomy between the type of girl Nick SHOULD be with (Vanessa) and the type of girl he/many men like to pursue (Corinne). Which side will prevail? It's clear to us that Corinne is awful. She's 24 and can't get through the day without her nanny.. she uses her sex appeal for everything she wants.. etc. So will Nick be able to make a smart decision? We will see. He clearly enjoys jumping with Corinne in a bouncy house while her bathing suit flies off of her. Because she is so FUN! But classy and sophisticated Vanessa is ready to call him out on his bullshit. What will happen next?!? I guess we will have to tune in next week to find out... Until then!

Monday, January 2, 2017

The Bachelor Week 1: A Shark. Who Thinks She's a Dolphin.

Well here it is- the moment Nick Viall has been waiting for his entire fame-seeking life- HE is THE center of media attention Bachelor! I joke, I joke. I actually am really excited for Nick to be the Bachelor. Any of my loyal readers will know that historically, I have NOT been a Nick fan. Ever. Remember how many horrible and insulting things I said about him when he was just that super creep on Andi's season, or the house villain on Kaitlyn's season? Well things have changed. Anyone who watched the reality masterpiece that is Bachelor in Paradise knows that Nick has gone from the runner-up everyone hates, to someone we actually like, or dare I say- LOVE. Maybe seeing someone propose and get rejected three times on national television will make you change your feelings... Or maybe he just somehow got way more attractive and way more charming over the course of last summer. Regardless, I actually love him now with his little smile and snark, and I can't wait for the fourth time to be a charm!!!

Per usual, we start the season with exciting introductions to the more important contestants, and some generally crazy bitches. So instead of commenting on every woman in the house, here are some general thoughts during this first episode...
  • Apparently Nick's type is powerful business women. Interesting. So many of these women own businesses and/or have legit jobs. It's nice to know that he's not intimidated by high powered women! 
  • Do you think Nick is tired of everyone making comments/jokes about his past experience on the Bachelor shows?? Because we've heard a LOT of them. Also, telling The Bachelor that all your friends think he's a piece of shit is probably not the best first impression. Hmm. 
  • Just because Nick has banged a bunch of Bachelor alums (and I mean a BUNCH), it doesn't mean he is going to sleep with everyone on the show. Okay, maybe just that one chick who he already drunkenly hooked up with at Jade & Tanner's wedding. And doesn't remember. And she's okay that he doesn't remember it... But that doesn't mean it's going to happen again this season! Right?
  • Red is apparently the popular color of the season. No joke, half the girls are wearing long red gowns. Did they all google "what is Nick Viall's favorite color?" and the first result was "red"? Or was it "what color would most make Nick Viall want to bang me?" Because the answer to that must have also been "red". Or "shark costume." Either way, both are popular tonight.
  • Nick saying "that's an incredible dress" is clearly code for "I like your boobs". And he's used that phrase a few times now. So, there's that.
  • I actually love Nick's sense of humor and his jokes about sending girls home and how the dolphin chick is crazy (she doesn't even know she's really a shark!). This is the Nick that we saw on Bachelor in Paradise, and it's great. Not your typical boring Sean Lowe or Chris Soules here. So far loving it.
50 Shades of Red
So in typical first rose ceremony fashion, a ridiculous amount of girls get roses, and I don't really care about any of them yet. All I know is the shark/dolphin girl got one, as did the girl he already banged. So. Lots of excitement to come I'm sure. And I do always love the fact that the girls who get sent home walk out of the house in daylight. Because it's like 6 am by that point.

Scenes from this season look pretty good, and it wouldn't be Nick's season without some major sex-related drama. Looking forward to that! I haven't picked any favorites yet (but I have picked my LEAST favorite, Corinne), but I am sure Nick's future wife is there!!! Stay tuned for my thoughts as the most dramatic season of The Bachelor continues!

Monday, August 1, 2016

The Bachelorette Finale: The Most Dramatic One Yet?

Tonight is THE event we have all been waiting for! The most dramatic season finale EVER is upon us. This of course is another 3-hour production, so let me run through the highlights...

The guys are meeting JoJo's family, and who could forget those brothers, and that mom.... She looks just as much of a hot mess now as she did last season. Get that mama some wine! The family is very protective of course, and mama is very worried that Jordan is TOO awesome and fun, so it won't work out. Prediction: they family will prefer Robby, but JoJo will prefer Jordan, and she will do what she wants. We'll see if I'm right!

So apparently, Jordan is not really "marriage material," and didn't ask JoJo's dad for permission to propose. (WHAT?!?) On the other hand, Robby is totally marriage material and asked both the parents about proposing. So... The family clearly wants it to be Robby and JoJo clearly wants it to be Jordan, shock. JoJo is completely torn now, and has no idea what her heart wants. This never happens on this show, what a surprise!

JoJo also has a final date with both Robby and Jordan, and she needs to decide which one she loves more. I just feel like there is some problem with both of them. Robby seems great and says all the right things about their future together and how much he loves her, but we can't help but think about the ex girlfriend he left to be on the show (allegedly). Something about him just seems a bit insincere... Meanwhile Jordan also seems perfect, but is he TOO perfect, and how is it going to be fitting into his semi-famous life...? (Side note: This is why she should have just chosen Chase...........)

So. Robby is 100% clear about how he wants to propose to JoJo, and Jordan seems to be fumbling around his words about why he didn't ask for permission. So, things are not looking good for Jordan here... If he never talks to her parents about it, and she can't be sure there is a proposal coming, she probably won't want to pick him.... So. Good news for Robby right now I guess. JoJo just cannot get over the fact that Jordan didn't ask her dad's permission. And I'm like.. is her family not still in town...? Can he not just go over to their place and ask them tomorrow? Or like, call him at least? I feel like this is not a situation that can't be fixed. Also, JoJo is being SUPER pushy in making the guys straight up tell her, I AM going to propose in 2 days. So much for a surprise ending. Is forcing them to propose to you on a TV show's timeline really the best thing for your relationship? I just don't know...

Okay I guess all my predictions are coming true tonight because Jordan goes ahead and calls the parents to ask about proposing to JoJo. And they excitedly say yes of course. Hopefully the parents will let JoJo know what happened before she totally blows him off because of this drama! In other news, both guys do pick out rings, and I definitely like Jordan's ring over Robby's ring. Yeah, I am still pro-Jordan........ But it does look like both guys are intending on proposing, and JoJo is still a bit torn as she reads heartfelt letters from both of them just hours before the final rose ceremony. She clearly wants it to be Jordan but feels bad eliminating a great guy like Robby. We get it. He'll be fine. Maybe his ex girlfriend will give him a second chance now that he's famous...

So much this.

JoJo heads to the final rose ceremony and- surprise, surprise- Robby is the first guy to arrive. And he is SO effing confident. YIKES. This will be painful. JoJo, like a JERK, lets Robby talk first and doesn't stop him until like 5 minutes into his profession of love. And he is just going on and on as I am screaming NO GOD NO PLEASE STOP at the television. FINALLY JoJo stops him before he gets down on one knee and explains that she does love him, but there is somehow something missing. She wanted it to be him so badly, but it's just not. Robby is actually super classy and just says that he wants her to be happy. And we have to wonder- is he emotionless because he is shocked, or because this whole thing was a scam from the beginning so he's actually not that torn up about it. Meanwhile, JoJo is torn UP, and let's just hope she has a makeup artist on standby to fix her up before the actual proposal... because, yikes. Robby is finally able to muster up some tears in the car ride home, but he still just seems somehow.. insincere in his sadness. Very curious...

So at the end of the day, Jordan proposes and JoJo accepts, and they both go on and on about how much they love each other. And I am very much reminded of Andi and Josh... it feels oddly similar. So. I'll give this one about a 40% chance of making it... And all I can think about is, does Aaron even KNOW that his brother is ENGAGED?? Or did he find out with the rest of America??? I need to know all about this drama!

Per usual, we have another hour of BS to get through, and hopefully we will actually get some new information. We first have to hear Robby spew a bunch of bullshit, and I honestly still don't believe him fully. It sounds like he is very strategically answering questions to make himself sound good. I don't know, maybe I'm being overly suspicious. In other news, we hear about how JoJo and Jordan are getting a lot of hate in the media, and that people are making JoJo feel really bad about her love for him, and it's kind of sad. I mean, I agree it probably won't work out, but let them enjoy at least a little bit of happiness. Luckily their love is so strong that they've gotten through it... In further news, we get absolutely no new information about the Rodgers family drama, and even though Chris Harrison really tries to pry and get some details, Jordan pretty skillfully deflects all questioning. I guess I'll just have to rely on the internet for all the updates on that.

At the end of the day, we don't yet know who the next Bachelor will be (likely Luke, but I am hoping for Chase!!). But we DO know that an AMAZING season of Bachelor in Paradise begins tomorrow- the most wonderful time of the year. I cannot WAIT to see what insanity ensues, and I recommend it to EVERYONE. You'll thank me, I promise. 

Monday, July 25, 2016

The Bachelorette Week 7 & 8: Love = Get the Eff Out

Don't worry, loyal fans, after a week hiatus, I am back! Last week was Hometowns, and to be honest, there wasn't much to say. We did get to see a lot more about the Rodgers family drama, and it definitely seems like this Jordan v. Aaron stuff is real. But I don't know, I am still a Jordan fan all the way!!! The episode left us with an always unwanted To Be Continued, so we don't even yet know who the final 3 will be... Will she send Luke home like she told us she planned to, or will his last ditch effort at her affection save himself and doom a fellow contestant??? I guess we will finally find out tonight...

JoJo manages to pull herself together and stop sobbing long enough to hand out the roses, and they go to... Jordan first, of course, Robby second (and I am actually a little surprised about that one), and finally... Chase! And it looks like she didn't change her mind about Luke after all, crazy! JoJo is of course all sorts of torn up about this, but I am pretty satisfied. I'm telling you, there was just something about him that was odd, or dumb, or something off. Your rugged looks can only get you so far, my friend. Adios! Luke either looks totally thrown off, or he is just staring into space because he can't understand what is happening. Luke: You. Are. Being. Sent. Home. Can your mind comprehend this? JoJo keeps crying her eyes out, and Luke continues to stare blankly at her, and I can't watch this much longer. Go back and see the guys who can actually hold intelligent conversations!

So finally that emotional breakdown is over, and JoJo heads to Thailand with the final 3 guys. And you know what this means... Fantasy Suite dates.. oh sorry I mean, "exotic overnight dates"...!! Finally, the chance to weed out the ones that just can't hack it. I can't wait. The first date of the week goes to Robby, and he is confident in their relationship for sure. They have a nice date, even amidst thunderstorms, and I am even feeling a bit better about him. I won't lie, last week I was skeptical of Robby with all the ex-girlfriend drama, but I think he might actually be genuine after all. He continuously tells her that he loves her, and JoJo is full on smitten. And she is definitely excited about their night in the Fantasy Suite... Ohh yeah. JoJo trusts Robby 100% and admits to us that she loves him and can't wait to be intimate with him. Some part of me just worries that something will go wrong!! JoJo knows that she loves him, but is not going to tell anyone until it is down to the final guy. Yeah, BEN. Don't want to go breaking people's hearts by telling multiple people you love them! But yeah. It's looking pretty serious with him.
Even though JoJo loves Robby, she has another date with Jordan, who has been a frontrunner from day one, so anything is possible! They have a lovely date together, and some great chats, but JoJo is still wondering- is he too good to be true??? But I mean, a lot of past Bachelors have thought that (ahem, Ben and Lauren B.), and it has worked out great. So don't fear, JoJo! But apparently Ben totally screwed JoJo up, because he made her all these promises, so now she can't trust when Jordan says he wants to spend his life with her. Hmm... It seems like all JoJo does with Jordan is question him and his motives and intentions, and she just seems sooo skeptical. Why doesn't she trust and believe him??? Just accept that he is amazing and loves you and be happy about it. After all this, JoJo realizes that she does love Jordan too, and I guess this could become a problem! Two guys she loves so far, and two nights in fantasy suites... what will happen now???

In case we all forgot, JoJo does have one more guy here- Chase. I actually really like Chase. I think he is the best overall package- attractive, successful, down to earth. Everything. But the likelihood that she is in love with all 3 of them?! Doubtful. Most of us aren't expecting much from this date, but it turns out that JoJo is having an incredible time and doesn't want the date to end... So what does this mean?! Chase is ready to tell JoJo he loves her, and she seems to feel similarly.

So as JoJo is getting ready for the dinner portion of her date with Chase, she gets a knock on her door, and what the crap, Robby shows up at her hotel room. He just wanted to say hi and remind her about how much he loves her and wants a life with her. In the middle of her date with Chase! JoJo thinks it is super sweet and romantic, but it's also pretty rude!!! Just let her figure things out for herself and enjoy her date with Chase. Luckily, she does continue her date with Chase and they also head to the Fantasy Suite together... Chase finally tells her that he is totally in love with her, and JoJo realizes that she isn't actually in love with him like she is with the other guys. GAH. Not surprised but bummed. He would be such an amazing husband and doesn't use the L word lightly! I can't say this is a shock, but it will be sad to see a great guy like Chase be hurt like this. Ohhh JoJo. So she has to take a moment, and returns to tell Chase that she just isn't feeling the same way he does. And rightfully, he is pissed! He NEVER tells people that he loves them, and now he does, and he gets shot down! He doesn't even get any fun in the fantasy suite tonight! Because apparently Love = "get the f*ck out". Chase totally takes it like a man as she sobs and tries to chase him down, but he's like, stop giving me this bullshit after I just put myself out there. Pass. (Chase for next Bachelor! I'd watch that.) Chase peaces out, cracks open a cold beverage, and heads into the van, and we wonder if Chase will EVER tell another girl he loves her. I'd put my money on no.
JoJo is still holding a rose ceremony, even with only two guys left, because as we know, it is a two-way street. Should be simple enough, right? But just as JoJo starts telling Jordan and Robby about sending Chase home... Chase shows up to the ceremony to have a little chat! Whatttt? Did you not realize that you were sent home?? It turns out that Chase isn't here to ask to come back (just suspicious timing...), but he just wants to show how freaking classy he is, and tell her he understands and isn't mad. His heart is still open, but he is proud of her for doing what she feels is best. But really, Chase, could you BE a better guy??!?! You'll find someone even better than her who WILL love you back, we just know it!!! So anyway, at the end of the day, she gives roses to both Jordan and Robby, and we'll have to wait and see what happens between these two!

Tomorrow night is Men Tell All (aka Chad is back with a vengeance), and the finale is already next week! And I am sure it will be the most dramatic finale EVER. Until then...

Monday, July 11, 2016

The Bachelorette Week 6: Awkward Dates on Awkward Dates

After a week hiatus, the Bachelorette is finally back! This week we are down to 6 guys, and JoJo will be narrowing it down to the top 4 for Hometowns!!! We get 3 one-on-one dates plus a group date this week, which sounds like plenty of time for some good old fashioned backstabbing! Let the games begin.

The first one-on-one this week goes to Alex, finally. He hasn't had one yet, so it's about time, but I am starting to like him less and less. He just always seems to care more about other relationships than his own. Plus, why is he sooo shorttttt? The date involves them just driving (being driven) to the countryside of Argentina, and it is literally the most boring date in the history of this show. They eat some car snacks, then Alex composes some really stellar raps, and there is a lot of sitting in silence. But is it even his fault that the producers are giving him such a shitty date?!? They finally arrive at their destination where they will be acting as gauchos, which hopefully will actually be entertaining. They ride some horses together, but it is pretty clear that they do not have the connection or chemistry necessary to continue this relationship... She tries to be nice, but we know the truth. They also end up cuddling with a horse, and it is the weirdest, most uncomfortable thing I have ever seen. Like, they are lying with the horse like you would with your dog. And I am pretty sure JoJo has more chemistry with the horse than she does with Alex... So weird.
Later, Alex shares with JoJo that he is falling in love with her, but JoJo doesn't seem too excited about that. She knows that deep down she is not able to reciprocate those feelings, and she knows that her heart isn't in that place. JoJo decides to just go ahead and send him home now, and Alex is kind of shell-shocked. He thought it was going so well, but it was pretty obvious to all of us. Don't feel bad JoJo.. sometimes it just doesn't work out! But poor little Alex. I used to like you, but I'm not sad to see you go. See you in paradise???

The next solo date is going to Jordan (for his second one-on-one!), and we are excited. The other guys of course are pissed. Time to start coming up with more shit to talk about him! But Jordan is ready to take on the haters. So for this date, they are taking a private plane to go wine tasting by the Andes Mountains. So. A little better than Alex's crappy ass date. They do some grape stomping and then hang out in a romantic hot tub, and this date is clearly all about the chemistry. Meanwhile, the other guys are all sure that this is all fake, and JoJo just likes him for the Super Bowl tickets... Okay. Later, Jordan gets real with JoJo about his family, and we find out that if she goes on his hometown date, Aaron will NOT be there. WTF?!? That's the only reason we are watching!!! So, apparently Aaron and Jordan are not close, and they don't talk, and Aaron doesn't even know he is doing this show. Okay. Sure. He goes into detail about living in his brother's shadow, and how they have chosen different paths, and it's so hard to tell if this is all real or B.S. No way he doesn't even talk to Aaron. He used to hang out with the Packers O-Line all the time. So. Good conversation but total bummer for us Aaron fans! At the end of the date, Jordan tells JoJo he loves her, and she is SO happy to hear that. Just win already, k thanks.
So unfortunate.
The next date is a group date with Robby, Chase, and James, and since it is raining, they are just hanging out in her hotel suite, slumber-party style. A super awkward slumber-party where it's a love quadrangle with 3 dudes competing for one girl. JoJo orders a bunch of greasy foods and prepares a bunch of games, and I'm like, is this real? Is this really the whole date? They do an all-male massage chain, play Pictionary, and do a little truth or dare. And Robby somehow ends up running in his boxers through the halls of the hotel. Are they sober??? Because they can't possibly be at this point. What is this date?!? Later, all 4 of them lie on the bed watching Argentinian Bachelor, and the level of close cuddling between all of them is weird. So uncomfortable. Plus, James Taylor decides to get at the other frontrunner, Robby, and starts making up stories about him having a wandering eye... and he won't let it go. James, stop talking crap about other guys and worry about yourself! Clearly a desperate measure and not going to work. I mean, look at Robby, and look at you. (Sorry!)

Later, JoJo spends some alone time with the guys, and gets deep with Robby. JoJo needs to know about this ex-gf situation, and Robby insists that he loves JoJo and that he has totally moved on from the awful ex. We can tell that her relationship with Robby is pretty strong, and will continue to be, I'm sure. When talking to Chase, JoJo finds out that he wants to spend his whole life with her, and she gets excited to hear it. I think Chase is one of those contestants who is overlooked for most of the season, but comes out of the blue at the end to win it... I can see it happening! Finally she spends some time with James Taylor, who I am over. He used to be all sweet and adorable, but now he just seems like a dork who is secretly conniving and mean spirited. Pass. The group date rose goes to Robby- no surprise- and he is definitely going on to Hometowns. Robby gets a little more time to hang out/make out in JoJo's hotel room, and the other two go back to their rooms to cry. They realize that either James or Chase is going home, duh, and we hope it's James. We'll see!

Still one more date to go tonight, and it is Luke's. Everyone seems to love Luke, and we can't deny his connection with JoJo, but I just am not that into him as a person. He just seems kind of dumb, or slow, or something is off. JoJo plans the perfect date for Luke and takes him to ride horses. Which is apparently how he has spent every day of his life on his ranch in Texas. Luke gets to show off his sexy manly cowboy skills, and we are definitely impressed. But. Is this what every day of real life with him would be like? Because, pass. It would be great for a wild fairytale fling, but marriage?? Eh. JoJo has a great time but cuts the date short because apparently the rose ceremony has to be tonight, with no cocktail party. And James and Chase are nervous!!!

JoJo arrives at the rose ceremony with 3 roses to hand out, and tensions are high. Luke and Jordan get the first two, or course, and the pressure is on for that final rose!!! The rose goes to Chase, and I am not surprised, and rather happy. I'm telling you, Chase is going to do a come-out-of-nowhere move at the end! Poor James is upset, but maybe he should have spent more time on his bod and less time concocting B.S. stories about the other guys. They have a tearful goodbye, but we know she is better off. Just keep writing love songs and it will happen for you, James! Next week is Hometowns, which means even more Aaron Rodgers drama, and the Robby's ex-gf storyline gets out of control! Can't wait to see all the drama unfold! Until then!

Monday, June 27, 2016

The Bachelorette Week 5: Gotta Get That Kiss

As you may remember (how could we forget?), the ultimate bad boy Chad is gone, but that doesn't mean the drama is gone! JoJo and her 8 guys are in Buenos Aires this week, and it is just the perfect place to fall in love. This week we will get a one-on-one, a group date, AND another two-on-one!! For the first time ever.. what is JoJo doing?! Why would she want yet another horrible awkward situation? Who knows.

The first one-on-one date is going to Wells, who is adorable, but admits that he is the only one who hasn't even KISSED JoJo yet. And the other guys do everything possible to make him feel bad about it. So. Basically this whole date is one giant build up to kissing her, and the most uncomfortable situation EVER. All anyone can think about is when the kiss is going to happen, and how it better be amazing, or he is gone... I mean, is there actually any chemistry between them? We'll see. The date involves doing weird Argentine performance art, and the best Wells can do at this point is an awkward kiss on the cheek. So. FINALLY, they end up in this crazy sexy suspended pool all sliding around and grabbing at each other, and it's finally the right time for Wells. And it happens! And JoJo announces her excitement to the world. So awkward. Is this chemistry, or just some weird date you later try to forget? So later, JoJo tries to get to know Wells a bit more, but it feels like their lack of chemistry is enough to make JoJo want to shut the door on this one. He clearly has some issues with physical relationships and chemistry, and JoJo is NOT trying to pursue that. I get you girl. He's cute and sweet, but we need that passion!!! It's just not there, so Wells gets sent home, and we are not surprised. Don't feel bad, I'm sure he'll be fine one day. JoJo leaves the date and heads to some sort of outdoor rave(?) all alone, and it really has just been the weirdest day. Moving on.
The next date will be a group date with 5 of the guys, all of whom I like, but especially of course Robby and Jordan. They spend the day walking around town, and end up playing a soccer game against some locals. Poor James Taylor starts getting really self deprecating as he realizes that he is definitely not as hot or athletic as the others. I mean, yeah. Jordan.. Luke.. Alex.. Robby.. Yeah. I won't lie, hard to compete with that. But somehow James is the only one to score a PK, and wins a kiss with JoJo, so his confidence is rebuilt. Phew.

Later that night, JoJo gets some alone time with all the guys on the date. First, she clearly has a strong connection with Luke, but I am still not feeling it. He just seems dumb to me. Or just not very articulate. Or just odd in some way. I know they have a lot of passion, but sometimes you do need more than that... Next, James Taylor decides that he's not doing so well in this competition, so maybe it's time to start throwing the frontrunners under the bus! Come on now, James, we don't need to go after Jordan just because he is better at life than you. So. Basically James is jealous because Jordan is more famous than him, and needs to hurt JoJo's relationship with Jordan to make himself feel better. James... this makes me like you a lot less. Dick move. JoJo now needs to figure out if there really is a side of Jordan she doesn't know... I mean, do you know he's semi-famous? Because that's all you need to know. JoJo basically accuses him of being "entitled," but I honestly believe him that it is being blown out of proportion. Don't you know the Rodgers family?? They are just awesome. After wasting his alone time with JoJo, Jordan confronts James, who he thought was one of his closest friends, and Jordan is NOT happy. But really. Why do you have to talk about other people during your own time? So lame. At the end of the date, Luke gets the group date rose, and we are not shocked at all. But there is still a lotttt of tension here!
So the final date of the week is a two-on-one, weirdly enough between Derek and Chase. And I like them both, so I'm kind of torn. Derek feels super confident, and Chase feels super pissed, and I am honestly not sure which way this is going to go. So the date today involves the tango- because as we know, it only takes TWO to tango... JoJo will be dancing with both men, and feeling passion with them both, and it is getting pretty awkward. Just like in real life. Because, get it?? The tango is like a metaphor for what they are actually going through on this two-on-one!!! What do you know??? So later, JoJo gets some time to decide which of them she will be keeping, and I'm actually getting kind of annoyed by Derek and his sudden burst of cockiness. How many times now has he said how confident he is that he will get the rose? Enough. He tells JoJo that he is falling for her, which she appreciates, but I just feel like he is acting like a bit of a douchebag. Liking him less and less... Meanwhile, Chase is still all sorts of nervous, and it shows. Chase is not giving JoJo the words of affirmation that she needs... he just needs to grow a pair and put it all on the line! And soon, because Derek is becoming more and more of an asshole by the moment. Chase finally opens up and tells JoJo what she needs to hear, but he still seems so nervous! At the end of the day, JoJo throws a curveball and gives the rose to Chase, NOT Derek. I'm pretty happy about it, and I feel like she does like Chase more than Derek. And let's be honest. Derek was acting like an ass. So. Bye.

Finally we get to the cocktail party, and apparently JoJo has to send home one more guy. I don't get why either... can't we just keep the six, and then narrow to four next week? This seems unnecessary. JoJo spends some time with Jordan, who finally opens up emotionally and tells her how much he is falling for her, and I still love it! JoJo finally talks to Alex some this week, and we realize that he hasn't even spent that much time with her after all. We just feel like we know him so well because of all the Chad drama. So I am on the fence about Alex for sure. Gotta be between Alex and James this week... we'll find out soon! JoJo gives her first rose of the night to Robby, and we are not surprised. The second rose goes to Jordan, and again, not surprised. So as expected we are down to Alex and James, and JoJo decides she needs to up and leave! She just walks off, rose in hand. Hmm... In a nerve wrecking turn of events, JoJo makes it look like she will not be giving out ANY final rose, but instead... Chris Harrison walks in with a platter with TWO roses, so they can both get one. I mean, this was obviously the smartest idea.. she already sent two guys home this week, and that should be enough at this point in the season. James feels grateful for his rose, but Alex feels PISSED about his "pity rose" and complains that he just needs more one-on-one time, or else he's out. Won't be surprised if we see that happen next week...

So to recap, if you missed tonight's episode, you missed nothing of real significance- just two people who we don't really love getting sent home. Stay tuned next week though, as we find out... are we going to Jordan's hometown, and WILL AARON BE THERE??? Can't wait to see what happens! Until then...

Monday, June 20, 2016

The Bachelorette Week 4: Done With the Chads

The Bachelorette is finally back! We have sadly been in a 2-week depression without JoJo and her suitors, and it is time to get back to the entertainment! In case anyone forgot, we left Chad being eliminated from a 2-on-1 date and the guys all celebrating, but WAIT- Chad isn't gone quite yet! Just as the guys back at the house are spreading Chad's protein ashes with a little "death to tyrants" speech... guess who comes knocking on the door...??? Chad enters the house and everyone pretty much just stands there awkwardly as Chad tells them about his date. ...Didn't you get sent home...? Chad decides that he is now in a position that he has no choice other than to get physical with the guys. Jordan tries to talk things out with Chad, who of course can't handle a mature conversation, and oddly enough, he eventually just leaves. Not exactly the big blowout fight that we hoped for, but fairly entertaining at least. In other news, when Alex returns home from his date, the guys set off sparklers, chant "dragon slayer," and smash a cake into Alex's face in adoration. Okay guys, I know we hated Chad, but it's not like Alex saved the universe from an alien invasion or something.

So by the way, we still haven't had a rose ceremony from 2-weeks ago, so I guess we should probably take care of that now... The guys are all confident that there will now be NO DRAMA, since the only douchebag of the season is gone. But we know that can't be all for this season... The guys all start to realize that they have lost their common enemy, and now they will be turning on each other- stealing time from each other, even when they have roses! How dare they! Finally we get to the rose ceremony, and JoJo will be sending home 2 more guys. When, let's be honest, she really should be sending home at least 4 or 5. Like, why is Vinny still here? And Evan? Are they really still in the running here...? No. JoJo sends home James F. and Daniel, and I could not care less about it. We didn't even know them.. except that Daniel has a great body and apparently has a good chance of being struck by lightning while shaving his face... (???) Thanks for the parting words, Daniel! See you never.

So, JoJo will be taking the final 11 men on a romantic trip to Uruguay, where apparently some shit is going to hit the fan! You thought Chad caused drama?? Just wait. This week starts with a one-on-one date with... Jordan! Andddd everyone is pretty much pissed. They already know Jordan is a frontrunner, and now he gets a one-on-one before most of the other guys. Remember that time when all the guys were BFF with Jordan when they all hated Chad? Well all of the sudden, Jordan gets a target on his back and all the other guys start to accuse him of being there for the wrong reasons- I mean, a FOOTBALL PLAYER... UGH. Jordan and JoJo of course are having an amazing time, and I am all for it. He even tells her that he is falling in love. So. I'm digging it. But then.. dun dun dunnnn... JoJo shares that she "ran into" one of Jordan's ex-girlfriend, and that it was not good. Rumors of being a bad boyfriend...! So. Explain yourself Jordan! He insists that it was all about his commitment to sports, but there was no cheating involved. Hey, he was young and in college! I feel like he's moved on since then.. because haven't we all? JoJo decides that she trusts him, and we can tell how much she is digging him. How can you not?!? He gets the rose, and we are loving it.
I trust you, Jordan!
Meanwhile back at the house... MORE drama. The guys get their hands on an Us Weekly or In Touch or some trash mag, featuring a story about JoJo's secret love affair with her ex boyfriend (oddly enough, also named Chad...). Could this be true?!? Are the guys wasting their time on a girl who is just doing this for the fame?!? Or is this just a tabloid that exploits fake stories for profit?? Someone better get to the bottom of this one... But before the guys can say anything, the producers hand her a copy of the article and ask her to address it. And JoJo is PISSED. Her ex-boyfriend is apparently a horrible fucking monster, and JoJo is completely losing her shit over this clearly fake story. JoJo, being the strong chick she is, heads to see the guys to explain that this is all fabricated by a guy who hurt her, and it is clear that she is honestly torn up. Don't worry JoJo, I'm sure you'll find a better guy right here in this room!

Is the "ex" Chad back...?!?
JoJo is ready to move on from this at her group date, and 9 guys are heading to meet her at some sand dunes for some sand boarding. Which looks fun. But enough of that- time to get on to all of the guys telling JoJo how little they care about the article, and how much they are about her. We get it. You all trust her. Can we talk about something else now? At the end of the date, Derek gets the group date rose, which I am happy about because I like him, but apparently Alex is not feeling it with Derek. Apparently Derek is acting insecure and asking for reassurance in order to get sympathy points or something like that. Is Derek the new villain then?? I thought it was Jordan. Make up your mind here, guys... I'm sure this drama is just starting.

For our final date of the week, we have a one-on-one with Robby, which I am excited for. I've liked Robby a lot from night one, but if I recall correctly, there may be some drama with him later on, so I don't want to get too attached! They head out to a cliff, where they are ready to "jump into love" and "stand on the edge" of a relationship, and every other cliff related metaphor you can imagine. Good thing Robby is a competitive swimmer, or else JoJo never would have jumped into that water! Apparently Robby is already going to tell JoJo that he loves her, but isn't it a little too early...? There are still 11 guys there! 11! So, Robby goes ahead and jumps the gun, but apparently JoJo is happy about it, and he gets the rose. I really do like Robby, but I am still so wary of it! We will see...

It looks like we may actually get to a rose ceremony tonight, which means the perfect chance for Derek to confront the group of guys that he thinks is ganging up on him. Sorry you are so insecure, Derek! Some of us would rather spend our time with JoJo!!! This is some high school girl drama right here- your little group is excluding us and we want to be in with the cool crowd! Wow. Just when we are expecting JoJo to show up, Chris Harrison comes in to drop the bomb that JoJo has already made up her mind, and 3 of them will be going home. NO cocktail party. But how I am going to convince her to let me stay?!? JoJo arrives and ensures the guys that she knows her decision, and I agree. It's pretty obvious at this point who should stay or go... So, no, I won't be surprised or sad at the result. All the usual suspects get roses, and she of course sends home Evan, Vinny, and Grant. Wow, you mean all the guys we don't give a crap about?? Shock. (Don't give me those tears, Vinny, you know you never stood a chance.) Luckily this means we are now down to 8, and I could not be happier. In other news, the previews show that the next few weeks are going to get INSANE, and I know I cannot wait. Until then!