Monday, June 20, 2016

The Bachelorette Week 4: Done With the Chads

The Bachelorette is finally back! We have sadly been in a 2-week depression without JoJo and her suitors, and it is time to get back to the entertainment! In case anyone forgot, we left Chad being eliminated from a 2-on-1 date and the guys all celebrating, but WAIT- Chad isn't gone quite yet! Just as the guys back at the house are spreading Chad's protein ashes with a little "death to tyrants" speech... guess who comes knocking on the door...??? Chad enters the house and everyone pretty much just stands there awkwardly as Chad tells them about his date. ...Didn't you get sent home...? Chad decides that he is now in a position that he has no choice other than to get physical with the guys. Jordan tries to talk things out with Chad, who of course can't handle a mature conversation, and oddly enough, he eventually just leaves. Not exactly the big blowout fight that we hoped for, but fairly entertaining at least. In other news, when Alex returns home from his date, the guys set off sparklers, chant "dragon slayer," and smash a cake into Alex's face in adoration. Okay guys, I know we hated Chad, but it's not like Alex saved the universe from an alien invasion or something.

So by the way, we still haven't had a rose ceremony from 2-weeks ago, so I guess we should probably take care of that now... The guys are all confident that there will now be NO DRAMA, since the only douchebag of the season is gone. But we know that can't be all for this season... The guys all start to realize that they have lost their common enemy, and now they will be turning on each other- stealing time from each other, even when they have roses! How dare they! Finally we get to the rose ceremony, and JoJo will be sending home 2 more guys. When, let's be honest, she really should be sending home at least 4 or 5. Like, why is Vinny still here? And Evan? Are they really still in the running here...? No. JoJo sends home James F. and Daniel, and I could not care less about it. We didn't even know them.. except that Daniel has a great body and apparently has a good chance of being struck by lightning while shaving his face... (???) Thanks for the parting words, Daniel! See you never.

So, JoJo will be taking the final 11 men on a romantic trip to Uruguay, where apparently some shit is going to hit the fan! You thought Chad caused drama?? Just wait. This week starts with a one-on-one date with... Jordan! Andddd everyone is pretty much pissed. They already know Jordan is a frontrunner, and now he gets a one-on-one before most of the other guys. Remember that time when all the guys were BFF with Jordan when they all hated Chad? Well all of the sudden, Jordan gets a target on his back and all the other guys start to accuse him of being there for the wrong reasons- I mean, a FOOTBALL PLAYER... UGH. Jordan and JoJo of course are having an amazing time, and I am all for it. He even tells her that he is falling in love. So. I'm digging it. But then.. dun dun dunnnn... JoJo shares that she "ran into" one of Jordan's ex-girlfriend, and that it was not good. Rumors of being a bad boyfriend...! So. Explain yourself Jordan! He insists that it was all about his commitment to sports, but there was no cheating involved. Hey, he was young and in college! I feel like he's moved on since then.. because haven't we all? JoJo decides that she trusts him, and we can tell how much she is digging him. How can you not?!? He gets the rose, and we are loving it.
I trust you, Jordan!
Meanwhile back at the house... MORE drama. The guys get their hands on an Us Weekly or In Touch or some trash mag, featuring a story about JoJo's secret love affair with her ex boyfriend (oddly enough, also named Chad...). Could this be true?!? Are the guys wasting their time on a girl who is just doing this for the fame?!? Or is this just a tabloid that exploits fake stories for profit?? Someone better get to the bottom of this one... But before the guys can say anything, the producers hand her a copy of the article and ask her to address it. And JoJo is PISSED. Her ex-boyfriend is apparently a horrible fucking monster, and JoJo is completely losing her shit over this clearly fake story. JoJo, being the strong chick she is, heads to see the guys to explain that this is all fabricated by a guy who hurt her, and it is clear that she is honestly torn up. Don't worry JoJo, I'm sure you'll find a better guy right here in this room!

Is the "ex" Chad back...?!?
JoJo is ready to move on from this at her group date, and 9 guys are heading to meet her at some sand dunes for some sand boarding. Which looks fun. But enough of that- time to get on to all of the guys telling JoJo how little they care about the article, and how much they are about her. We get it. You all trust her. Can we talk about something else now? At the end of the date, Derek gets the group date rose, which I am happy about because I like him, but apparently Alex is not feeling it with Derek. Apparently Derek is acting insecure and asking for reassurance in order to get sympathy points or something like that. Is Derek the new villain then?? I thought it was Jordan. Make up your mind here, guys... I'm sure this drama is just starting.

For our final date of the week, we have a one-on-one with Robby, which I am excited for. I've liked Robby a lot from night one, but if I recall correctly, there may be some drama with him later on, so I don't want to get too attached! They head out to a cliff, where they are ready to "jump into love" and "stand on the edge" of a relationship, and every other cliff related metaphor you can imagine. Good thing Robby is a competitive swimmer, or else JoJo never would have jumped into that water! Apparently Robby is already going to tell JoJo that he loves her, but isn't it a little too early...? There are still 11 guys there! 11! So, Robby goes ahead and jumps the gun, but apparently JoJo is happy about it, and he gets the rose. I really do like Robby, but I am still so wary of it! We will see...

It looks like we may actually get to a rose ceremony tonight, which means the perfect chance for Derek to confront the group of guys that he thinks is ganging up on him. Sorry you are so insecure, Derek! Some of us would rather spend our time with JoJo!!! This is some high school girl drama right here- your little group is excluding us and we want to be in with the cool crowd! Wow. Just when we are expecting JoJo to show up, Chris Harrison comes in to drop the bomb that JoJo has already made up her mind, and 3 of them will be going home. NO cocktail party. But how I am going to convince her to let me stay?!? JoJo arrives and ensures the guys that she knows her decision, and I agree. It's pretty obvious at this point who should stay or go... So, no, I won't be surprised or sad at the result. All the usual suspects get roses, and she of course sends home Evan, Vinny, and Grant. Wow, you mean all the guys we don't give a crap about?? Shock. (Don't give me those tears, Vinny, you know you never stood a chance.) Luckily this means we are now down to 8, and I could not be happier. In other news, the previews show that the next few weeks are going to get INSANE, and I know I cannot wait. Until then!

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