Monday, June 6, 2016

The Bachelorette Week 3: Less Hitler, More Mussolini

Well, well, well, it seems like the end is already near for Chad. It looks like the peak fighting is already about to blow up on week 3! As we start this episode, Chad continues to pound down some meat and protein, and the other guys all start to plan his demise... Meanwhile, we will have 3 dates this week, including 2 one-on-ones. Let's see how this goes!

The first date goes to Chase, and I am excited, because I have actually liked him a lot since night one. This date involves a trip to a hot yoga studio, where they are instructed to do some weird anger-gasms, and I don't get why the Bachelor insists on doing these "intimate" sessions for first dates. Can't we just do something normal?? The only plus is that they get to see each other in very little clothing, pretty early on in their relationship, so, no surprises at least... So, partway through their intimate yoga session, they start to make out, and I'm like, is this awkward for anyone else out there...? No? Just me? Hm. Later at dinner, they have actual conversations, and I am really feeling it. Apparently so does JoJo, so Chase gets the rose, and we have another front runner.......!

Meanwhile back at the house, the group date card arrives with a bunch of names, including Chad, on it. Chad doesn't even WANT to go on that date, because who wants to go on a group date??? I just want a one-on-one, okay??? A group date is a waste!! So, all of the sudden, the guys, led by Jordan and Alex, start talking major crap toward Chad, and Chad cannot handle it. I of course LOVE both Jordan and Alex, so I am all about them staring Chad down and totally calling him out on his ridiculousness. I just hope that my favorites don't get carried away with this feud- they need to stay focused on JoJo or it will not end well!
So for the group date, the guys will be performing at a Sex Talk show, where they will need to share a sex story of their own for an audience. This couldn't go badly, right? You know who looks thrilled about it though??? Chad. I bet he is dying to share personal intimate stories with a bunch of strangers. Oh wait. No. JoJo hasn't earned the right to hear about his past yet. It's none of her business! In related news, apparently Evan is going to turn his story into one big bashing of Chad. So. Let the games begin... So, these stories are actually pretty hilarious and great, until Evan starts his "cautionary tale" about how "someone in the house" uses steroids and might have problems with his manhood. No surprise, Chad is PISSED and gets aggressive towards Evan already. Then, for the grand finale, Chad takes the stage, where he brings JoJo on stage to talk not about his past but about his future, and goes in for a kiss, which she rejects! So awkward. At the end of the show, Chad punches a door and threatens to kill Evan, and it sounds like things are going to get pretty bad... We will see!

Later at the cocktail party, we get to see Jordan sweet talk the crap out of JoJo and I LOVE it. And hey, he admits that he wasn't the best boyfriend back in college, so that ex-gf who keeps talking out better step off! Jordan all the way!!! We get to see Chad making things awkward again, but he's just trying to get more time with JoJo and he isn't a bad guy at all! Evan confronts Chad yet again, but Chad thinks Evan is just being a bully. And hey, according to Chad, Evan "f*cked up already by having 3 kids." Well then. Chad uses his alone time with JoJo to tell her that he didn't even want to go on this group date, but then he is able to smooth his way back into her good graces, of course. At the end of the night, Evan gives JoJo essentially an ultimatum, that he hates Chad so much that if Chad stays, he will go. Hmm.. who will she pick? The hot bad boy who has a deeper soft side, or the nerdy little erectile dysfunction specialist??? Hmmm... So in an odd twist of events, I guess JoJo has a thing for weird loser guys, because Evan gets the group date rose, which might just mean that Chad is going home...? We'll see. Just when we thought it couldn't get any better, Chad straight up interrupts JoJo explaining her choice of Evan, by asking if this was serious right now. Is she actually picking Evan?? Is she seriously into him?!?! I mean, we are all thinking it, but you can't SAY THAT! This is getting amazing. So. Awkward.

So, back in reality, JoJo is going on a date with sweet, precious James Taylor. He is just so adorable and I am sure their date will be fun. They are going swing dancing, and it is super cute. But secretly, I actually love swing dancing, and I love James, so this will be a win no matter what. Later, James opens up to JoJo about his insecurities, and we are like, James! You are adorable and you SING! Don't you realize how much girls love that??? Because they do. James gets the rose, and then sings JoJo a song he wrote for her, and women across America die.
Back at the house, as Chad sits there eating his whole uncooked sweet potato (????), his only friend in the house, Daniel, advises him to take it down a notch, so Daniel will not be guilty by association. As he says, "maybe don't be Hitler, maybe be Mussolini." Stellar advice from a history and political whiz over here! Okay okay, maybe just be more like Bush and less like Trump. (That's better, right?) But really, all Chad cares about is his protein intake and his bench press reps, so he's fine with it.

In other news, there will be no cocktail party tonight, BUT, JoJo wants an all-day pool party with the guys. JoJo in a bikini? Yes, please. But not for Chad- he doesn't want or need to see JoJo in a bikini. He can picture what she looks like. That's good enough. Hm. But before the party can start, little Evan runs to daddy Chris Harrison to tell on Chad about the violence and threats. Chris is ready to step in and talk it out with Chad, who promises to make it right with the guys in order to avoid being sent home. But it doesn't seem like Chad is going to apologize after all- he wants to rip the arms and legs off of each one of the guys and throw them in the pool. Should be a fun pool party! But unfortunately we won't find out until tomorrow night... Darn you ABC and your To Be Continueds!!! One more night to wait until the big drama goes down... Until then!

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