Monday, May 30, 2016

The Bachelorette Week 2: The Douche of the Season

Tonight is only week 2, but we will apparently already get to see a lot of makeout sessions, and a LOT of douchey behavior. Let the games begin! Things get started right away with a group date with a bunch a lame guys, and Robby (one of my faves!). To start the date, the guys all see JoJo's limo go up in flames, but JoJo emerges from a fire truck in full-on fireman's gear. Good lord, JoJo, as if you need to get any hotter. Of course all the guys are losing their minds and probably need a quick cold shower before the date starts... For this date, the guys will be going through a firefighter obstacle course, competing for more time with JoJo, and it seems kind of fair, except that one of the guys is an actual firefighter in real life... So... he should win, right...? Poor Wells is super cute but is clearly too small and pathetic to do any of this physical work, and almost passes out. But he does get some extra alone time with JoJo, which I guess makes up for looking like a total pussy? So at the end of the day, SHOCKER- Grant the firefighter wins the whole competition! What do you know? It's like it was planned all along...
But really.. damn girl.
Meanwhile back at the house, Chad does all he can to prove himself as the ultimate douche from day one. He decides to strap a full suitcase onto a weight belt and do pull-ups on the edge of the house. Just in case there was any doubt as to who was the biggest tool. Keep it up, Chad! I'm dying to see what you come up with next.

At the rest of the group date, Grant gets his special alone time with JoJo, AND a pretty sweet kiss. JoJo also spends some more time with Wells, and I really do like his cute little pathetic innocence. He is definitely not her typical type of a big buff manly-man, but he's really funny and sweet. Keep him around! Another early front runner, Luke, is really starting to bug me. He seems weirdly obsessed with her this early on, and is starting to act like a total girl. There's just something about him that I am turned off by... Hm.. Not a fave. So at the end of the date, Wells gets the rose, in true Bachelor form! Whoever acts the most pathetic in a group date always gets the rose! Worked out great for you, Wells, I'm impressed.

The next date of the week is a one-on-one with Derek. And I'm like, who is Derek again?? I think I liked him, but I barely remember him. This better be good! The date is all about making choices, and they end up in San Francisco at the Golden Gate Bridge, it is seems like a pretty amazing date.

Back at the house, all the guys are bonding and writing songs with pretty stellar lyrics ("JoJoJo Jo Jo"), except for some- Chad has actually found a friend in Daniel (remember the ass who got almost naked on the first night?). They both agree that THEY are the real nice guys, and the "nice" guys are actually the ones to look out for. Yes, that is exactly how it works! So glad we have this relationship expert here to explain how things work. But it looks like, GASP, the house is dividing...! I wonder how this will end up.

Meanwhile, back on Derek's date, things move on to dinner and it seems to be going really well. Derek is actually pretty good looking, and seems like a good guy. Apparently he was hurt in a past relationship and has had trouble opening up to people ever since... what a crazy concept on this show! But JoJo opens up about Ben, so Derek opens up about his ex too. He gets the rose, and they definitely have a good connection. So, I like him, but he might not be exciting enough to make it to the end... We'll see!
Derek... not bad, not bad
Next, it's time for the final group date of the week, including some favorites like Jordan and Alex, plus The Douche. So the guys walk into the ESPN building where JoJo is acting as a host of Sports Nation and the guys are like uhhhhhh my two favorite things- ESPN and a hot girl. Yes please. In other news, do these people yet know who Jordan is??? I feel like these sports commentators have to know. The guys will be getting power ranked based on their ability to dance with a rose, play sober dizzy bat, and put on a fake press conference. In true Chad fashion, he decides to act "like a man" and tell JoJo she is being too naggy during his pretend marriage proposal... Good work, Chad. Plus, all the guys call him out on being the worst person ever during their fake press conferences... Chad, however,  accuses all the other guys of being fake because they already think they love JoJo. He's just being real and honest! He doesn't even know if he likes her yet, I mean, she's hot, but like, I don't even know yet. Is this how you usually get girls? Because I'm sure the asshole method works at the bar, but not sure it's going over well with someone like JoJo. But please, keep going, it is so entertaining! Finally, the power rankings come out, and they put Chad in 2nd because of his "honesty"... wow. Alex got 3rd and James came in 1st. And I'm like, you don't even consider the benefits of Jordan's family?!? Fineeeee...

Later that evening, JoJo spends more time with the 6 guys, starting with James. I love him because he fully admits that he is not nearly good enough for her (true), but he reads her the sweetest note that he wrote, and I love how adorable he is. Chad continues to remind us that he is the only MAN here, and all the other guys are just little boys. They clearly don't have as much experience with women as he does....... JoJo totally sees right through him, that he is compensating for something, and he even talks about how he doesn't want to have to worry about a relationship when he is working so much. And... that is all of the sudden different now? The great (okay, not great) thing for Chad is that he has a sob story (his mother died recently), which makes JoJo feel bad for him and see his "sensitive side." So, yeah. Chad is going to be a front runner, despite how big of a douche he is. SHOCKER. He is charming and knows how to play the game, but JoJo actually gives the group date rose to James. Yay! In other news, why can't Alex be like 8 inches taller? He is SUPER hot and sweet, but that height is going to be a deal breaker I think. (Sorry, but I actually agree with Chad on that one!).

The night of the rose ceremony arrives, and Chad is prepared to be a douche yet again. He meets JoJo's limo out front to have some extra alone time with her, and it's clear that he knows how to play this game. The guys all confront him, but Chad doesn't get what the problem is. Stop being so sensitive, bro, I was just getting some air... In other news, he is one of the only people I've ever seen eating on this show. And he is going to town on some meat. Because he is a man!!! This is definitely a first on this show, and I love it. Chad is just so standoffish towards JoJo, and acts like he doesn't like her that much, and it is working beautifully. I totally get why JoJo is into it though, and it's genius. Oh Chad, we will be seeing you for a while I am sure. Towards the end of the night, Alex confronts him yet again, and Chad straight up threatens to beat his face in. Oh Chad, we know you are a tough guy, enough with the threats.
Finally we get to the main event- the rose ceremony, and it is time to send a couple of the nobodys home. Or not...? Because she keeps around Evan, Daniel, and Vinny, who are ALL total losers. She saves the rose for Chad for last, of course, and nobody is surprised (we saw him in the previews!!). She does send home the Bachelor Superfan (who cares), some nerdy looking guy, and some guy with long hair. If only she had sent home more! At least we have a whole week for her to think about who else to send home, and for Chad to drink more protein shakes. And next week we get a full 2 nights of douche-baggery. Can't wait until then!

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