Monday, May 23, 2016

The Bachelorette Week 1: Bring on the Men!

The Bachelorette is back! And this is, in my opinion, the BEST Bachelorette yet. (At least since Ali.) In case you've been living under a rock, this season's Bachelorette is JoJo, the amazing, beautiful, funny, smart, cool, fun-loving, awesome runner-up from Ben's season. We just can't wait to see JoJo find the perfect man for her! JoJo insists that she has fully moved on from her breakup with Ben, and we are ready to see some amazing connections with some new (hopefully) hotties. Bring on the men! (Before we get to the men, JoJo wants some advice, and meets with some old faves- Kaitlyn, Des, and Ali, which is actually pretty entertaining, but come on- get to the main event!)

Looking more gorgeous than ever!

Now for some highlights of this season's men, starting with... JORDAN RODGERS. As an Aaron Rodgers loving family, I am BEYOND excited to see him on this season. He is super cute and oh by the way is RELATED TO AARON RODGERS. Keeper. Yes. Win please. In other options, we have Alex the Marine who is pretty darn hot, but I am guessing he has some issues and won't end up winning. We also get someone whose occupation is "Bachelor Superfan".. so.. that's a thing. This erectile dysfunction doctor seems like a super creep and I'd love to send him home ASAP. So far, really no winners, but apparently JoJo is attracted to military/firefighter/super buff guys. But are any of them actually successful, interesting people? Seems like no.

It's finally time for JoJo to meet the men at the mansion, and she is looking radiant as expected. Jordan is the first man out if the limo and I am like ahhhh you don't even know who he is!!! Please keep him around for hometowns! Other winners (based on first impression alone) include Robby the former competitive swimmer, Chad the real estate agent (probably a total douche but super hot), James the singer-songwriter, and Wells the radio DJ. But... all in all, I feel like there are unfortunately a lot of duds here, and I want to send like half of them home right now... If only she could cut it to less than 20 tonight. I guess she needs to take Ali's advice and keep around some duds just in case... you never know, right?

Once all the men have arrived (or so we think), JoJo gets to start spending some one-on-one time with each of them. But fun fact- apparently JoJo is TOO HOT and literally all the men are so nervous and can't relax to talk to her because she is so hot. First, she gets to sit on Alex the Marine while he does pushups, so that's fun, but won't start a lasting relationship. She also has an amazing conversation with Jordan which I am thrilled about. Awesome connection, can't wait to see where it goes. She has a super awkward kiss with the super awkward Will, followed by an interruption for an amazingggg kiss with Jordan Rodgers and I am literally DYING. This guy is killing it for me. We'll see if anyone can beat it... Later, she chats with Chad, who I won't lie, I'm into right now. He is a total douche and is clearly super rich which makes him overconfident, but for now, I'm feeling it. He won't make it to the end, his true douche side will likely come out soon, but I'll enjoy it while it lasts. JoJo also clearly loves the Texas boys, and she is super into both James and Luke. For me.. James is a winner, Luke is ehh. But I guess they both beat most of the other lame-os.

Such a sub-par group of men for JoJo...
In other news, in typical Bachelorette week 1 fashion, a bunch of the guys are getting wasted. Apparently the weirdo Canadian Daniel is totally trashed, poking people's belly buttons and getting naked. Oh, and jumping in the pool. But overall there is a lottttt of drinking going on here, and a few of the guys even stumble into the interview room and disrupt JoJo's interviews.. which she is not too psyched about. It's actually pretty entertaining to see this though- usually only 1 or 2 guys get this wasted, so this is definitely a change from the norm. They are just all too nervous about how hot she is!!!

So just when we think the rose ceremony is finally about to begin... another limo pulls up... But who is coming in to the house so late??? None other than possibly the BIGGEST douche to ever set foot into the Bachelor mansion.. Jake Pavelka. Holy crap. For those not in the know, he was the Bachelor about 6 years ago, and is the poster child for failed Bachelor relationships. Like, televised breakup level failure. Oh, and he's a HUGE fame whore, and I'm assuming it's been a bit too long since he was last on TV, and he needs some exposure. How very typical Jake. Apparently he is a close family friend???? What is this???? Jake fools us all into thinking he's here to join the cast of men, but relax! He's just here to get his next 15 minutes of fame! Apparently all he wanted to do was wish her luck and give her some advice. Purely out of the goodness of his heart and his care for her as a friend. Wow, so genuine, Jake. I'd love to go another 6 years without seeing you on my TV again, so let's make this happen, thanks...

Now for the actual rose ceremony, where all the guys we can't even remember the names of get roses. But how many drunk guys will she send home...? She does keep the "hipster", the guy dressed as Santa, the "Bachelor Superfan", the erectile dysfunction guy, and it appears- all of the wasted guys... Not sure what she's doing with this one, but okay. I guess there's not much to pick from, so what else is she going to do? She keeps 20 guys, and I think there's at least one winner in there, so I think it will work out in the end. I just can't wait until the group of losers gets whittled away, and we can focus on the real studs here. Stay tuned for the drama that is coming this season (and it looks like there will be a LOT) and - fingers crossed- maybe seeing Aaron Rodgers??? Until then...

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