Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Predictions for Sean: Love Won't Find You

I am not the type who wants to read or share spoilers.  I read the spoilers for the first season I watched (Jake's), and it ruined everything.  I would so much rather watch each episode still thinking deep down there is NO way the Bachelor will choose such a horrible, hated-by-everyone, superficial bitch.  Then, when he DOES inevitably choose the worst woman on the show, I get to feel the true emotion and the same shock as the runner-up, and then laugh even harder when they break up before the live final interview.  The point is, I would rather speculate about everything rather than find out the true outcome in advance.

So let's speculate about Sean, shall we?  First, I was not happy with the decision of him as the Bachelor.  I, of course, wanted Arie, mainly because I was in LOVE with him on Emily's season. Thank god he did not end up with that train wreck- I truly think he would be a great Bachelor and he could find someone wonderful. Oh, and I would be pretty happy seeing his beautiful face again week after week.  Oh well.  Other rumors suggested Roberto, who I would of course love to see again, but I am still holding out for he and Ali to rekindle their flame.  So, I am very glad he was not chosen.  So, I guess we get Sean.  Boring, boring, boring Sean.  Yeah, he's hot.  But what else does he have going for him?

He's such a niceeeee guyyyyy.  He is just so sweet and so hot and can we talk about those abs? Yeah, I know. I still remember the episode where Emily's soccer-mom-much-less-attractive-than-her friends had him take off his shirt in the park and we were all like, yeah, he's got a kickin' bod.  But what else? By home town dates, it was clear that Sean had no personality.  Seriously, can you think of one interesting thing about him other than his hotness and kind soul?  No.  I knew he wouldn't win last season, and I have a feeling he won't be a big winner in the love department this time either.

Sean's only redeeming quality (ABC)

Here is my prediction.  He has 2 possible routes: A. Sean will find someone who is also sooo nice and sweet and attractive and they will find love and be the most boring, vapid couple in the history of the world.  Or, more likely, B.  Sean, lacking in a personality of his own, will gravitate toward the craziest psycho bitch in the house, making for a particularly entertaining show, but no lasting love connection, and major regret when the season ends with a meaningless proposal that won't pan out. This is the most likely scenario.  Let's think back through recent history, shall we? Jake: super lame and weird, chooses the crazy bitch Vienna and what happened? Yeah. Brad: had to try twice and still picked the hot crazy bitch.  Ben: umm do we remember Courtney?  And now Sean.  Anyone have a better prediction?

I know, it's sooo shocking to predict that a Bachelor couple won't last.  But hey, I knew Ashley and JP would work out and look where they are now!  (See below.)  Anyway, these are my predictions.  I will of course have more updates and commentary in 10 days when I get to see him in action with all the women.  Until then, no spoilers, just anticipation.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Ashley & JP: True Bachelorette Love

I won't lie.  I am OBSESSED with Ashley and JP.  I love love loved them together on her season and I still do.  As much as I kind of hated Ashley for being such an idiot (oh did we forget about that whole Bentley thing?), I do actually love them being together.  I really really really hope that the "we are so in love and obsessed with each other" thing that they portray on TV now is real, because it makes me feel all happy inside when people find true happiness.  I guess I am a good person deep down after all.

Well unlike basically every other Bachelor/ette couple in history, these two ACTUALLY GOT MARRIED!!  So in true ABC-whoring-out-people's-lives-to-make-more-money fashion, they so graciously offered to televise this fairy tale wedding for the perfect couple.  While watching, I had a major internal struggle between how much I love them but how much I hate them for this stupid ABC-sponsored wedding.  Here is just an overview of what I hated:

1.  Probably what I hated the most was Ashley saying over and over again how much work it was to put on a wedding.  Dear Ashley, Yes, it is hard to put on a wedding.  WHEN YOU ARE ACTUALLY THE ONE DOING ANY OF THE PLANNING/PAYING.  What she really means is, "it takes so much work to have my celebrity wedding planner make every decision and create everything that she thinks we may want and then to have ABC pay for all of it without us ever having to be concerned about the cost."  Some of us actually did plan our entire weddings, DIY everything, stick to our own budget, and yes, we are allowed to say that it is a lot of work.  Not you.

2.  I wish that my husband and I got catered picnics in the park every afternoon and spent our days strolling together through lovely little downtown shops each day. I hate when they (ABC) try so hard to make it look like their lives are perfect.  Please show them on a regular day in their sweats eating breakfast on the couch and arguing about who has to walk the dog today.  That way it wouldn't make me feel bad that my own marriage isn't living up to the television-created standards of what a perfect couple should look like.  Or are they REALLY just that perfect?!?!?

3. Why was Sean there?  For publicity.  He does not know them.  Maybe he met them like, once. For that matter, why were any of those former Bach's there? For publicity.  I know that I would not want people that we didn't even know/like at my wedding.  Then again, I never had ABC pay for and plan my wedding... The only ones who actually should have been there were Ali and Roberto.

 4.  Speaking of which, WHY WERE ALI AND ROBERTO THERE TOGETHER!??! Stop playing games with my heart you guys! My heart literally broke the day they ended their relationship.  I actually thought they were the best couple EVER in the history of the show. Like, amazing.  Obsessed with them. I know this is sad how much I get involved in these relationships.  But they were so cute!!!!! Okay back to my point- if you are going to go to a wedding together, then please be officially back together.  My little heart can't handle this speculation.

5.  Finally, something I love: Chris Harrison. I love that he officiated this ceremony.  It kills me.  I love that he is not just a host, he is a couples therapist, a psychologist, and now a wedding officiant as well.  I remember when they jokingly asked him to officiate on one of the recent season finales, and I love that it actually happened!  And I was very impressed that he was able to host the entire special, AND officiate.  He is talented!

Okay, I won't go on any more about every specific detail that I judged about their wedding.  There is just too much to say for that.  All I can say is, I really REALLY really hope that this marriage lasts!  I want to know that this show that I have devoted so much time to can actually work for some people, and that love can happen from TV!

PLEASE Start a Blog

So, here's the deal.  I am a reality TV junkie.  I LOVE watching trash.  My favorite part of this addiction is making judgments about other people's lives, and then talking about it with my friends.  Last year when I was teaching at a high school, I spent a fair amount of my lunch and planning time discussing the latest episode of fill-in-the-blank reality show with my fellow teachers. It was wonderful.  We got a lot of work accomplished, obviously.  But what I really got out of this was all of my friends and coworkers telling me that I NEEDED to start a blog to share all of my judgmental, bitchy, and always completely accurate commentary on these shows and the people who make TV so interesting.  I kept talking about it, but now, I think the world is finally ready!

My biggest reality TV interest lately has been the Bachelor/Bachelorette/Bachelor Pad/anything where people find the love of their lives and then break up 4 weeks later.  I got hooked on The Bachelor during Jake's season.  I was in grad school/doing my student teaching and needed something trashy to get me through the toils of my day.  Plus, the drama about one chick hooking up with a producer was just too good to pass up.  After that, each season has been like a long string of train wrecks that I CANNOT look away from.  And now, not only will I watch them religiously, I will share my thoughts for everyone to enjoy!

I wanted to ensure that the blog is ready just in time for the upcoming season of the Bachelor, aka Sean's season.  I am so ready to rip these women apart as they attempt to make a life-long connection with a man who is about as deep as a kiddie pool.  So much drama, so little compassion I have for these vapid, insecure, in-it-to-win-it women.

The season begins in 2 weeks!  Be ready for this bitch to tell ALL.