Tuesday, June 7, 2016

The Bachelorette Week 3 Part II: The Showdown

Well friends, apparently ABC just loves this Chad drama so much, we require two whole episodes to cover it all. Welcome to Part II of the Chad saga: The Douche is About to Explode. We start out with a really heartfelt apology from Chad to the guys, and we reallyyyyy take it seriously. He promises not to be violent, as long as nobody tries to push or fight him. So, there's that. Meanwhile.. it's pool party time!!!

So, JoJo rolls up, and the guys all become best friend/frat stars and have the time of their lives playing in the pool with JoJo. Oh, and of course they do a bit of checking her out too... In other news, the scene of Evan bleeding that we kept seeing in the previews? Yeah, turns out he just hurts himself while diving into the pool. So. Not Chad's fault. Geez ABC, you got us all excited for nothing! Such a let down.

Later, JoJo gets some alone time with Jordan, and we see them get pretty intimate and deep in their connection. And we love it! Jordan has to ensure JoJo that he is completely into her, and we know she is really into him too. Keep him forever! A bunch of the other guys get some good alone time too, and some make out sessions, and unfortunately a lot of anti-Chad talk. Focus on yourselves and not the other guys!!! Haven't you seen this show before- this almost never works out!!! The pool party ends, but Chad is NOT happy about Derek particularly talking bad about him to JoJo. Another confrontation, and Chad just doesn't know what he has done wrong! So. It's game time now.

So it's finally time for the rose ceremony we never got to last night, and JoJo thinks she knows what she is doing. And I bet you a million dollars she keeps Chad another week! She sees his softer side! She needs to get to the bottom of this herself! JoJo continues to keep around a bunch a lame-os, as well as- SHOCK- Chad. Wow, I am so surprised. Oh wait, I watch every season of this show, so I'm not. She sends home Christian, Nick, and Ali, and I am not at all sad about any of those. Oh I mean, WHAT?!? She keeps that jerk Chad and sends home these nice guys?!? I am OUTRAGED. Yeah.

So now I guess tonight's episode actually starts, and the guys are all packing their bags to head to a mystery location. Which turns out to be some backwoods part of Pennsylvania. This is just THE perfect place to fall in love. So the first date of the week is a one-on-one with Luke. Not surprised. JoJo has been really into him from the beginning. Not MY favorite (too Texan for my taste), but I'm sure she will have a great time. For this date, apparently JoJo has taken some notes from Ben's season, because they will be hanging out in a hot tub in the middle of nowhere. Why is this a thing now? In other news, am I the only one who thinks that Luke is kind of boring? Maybe it's just because he talks really slowly? Or he doesn't seem that intelligent? I don't know. So Luke shares his back story about his experiences in Afghanistan and the friends he has lost in war, and things get deep really fast. I appreciate him sharing, but I worry that he is not quite yet ready for a relationship. He's just not really doing it for me. Also, I don't find him as hot as JoJo does. She eats his stories right up, and likes him even more than ever. I'm calling top 3 for this one, but winner? Hope not. To top off the night, they walk into a concert of some random band, and basically dance/make out on stage in front of thousands of people taking pictures. Yeah, it's weird.
No, not awkward at all...
Back at the house, Chad lounges outside shirtless in the cool Pennsylvania weather (but really, I'm pretty sure it's like winter time), and reminds us that poking the Chad-bear is not a good idea, and if he punches someone's head, it will explode. Good to know. In other news, the next group date cards reveals that there will likely be a 2-on-1 date later on with Alex and Chad. Good versus Evil. And who is surprised by this one??? Not me. But it should be interesting entertainment.

So for the big group date, the guys are heading to Heinz Field to play football with Ben Roethlisberger. Who apparently is all besties with JoJo. It's getting clear that she just loves douchebags! Am I the only one who feels kind of uncomfortable about Jordan being there? Like, does this make him feel bad about himself that he's not the superstar these pro players are? Or is it weird that his brother plays against these guys? Maybe it's just me. So I guess to make the competition fair for game time, they put Jordan on both teams as the all-time quarterback. I mean, I would hope he would be the best player out there.... Plus apparently that means he can't lose, which I'm sure JoJo is fine with. So at the end of the day, the underdogs win (I mean really, Evan and James Taylor beating Chase and Grant??), and the Blue Team guys will get more time with JoJo. After a couple of make out sessions with the guys later in the night, JoJo gives the group date rose to Jordan, and I fall more in love. Ohhh Jordan. Swoon.
Finally, we are down to the final date- the 2-on-1... But before the date begins, Chad needs to throw out a couple more threats, including one to Jordan- that after the show, he will find Jordan, come to his house, and go after him. So, that's cool. Alex and Chad head out to their date, via helicopter- why does the 2-on-1 date always involve them arriving on a helicopter? Today's date involves hiking in the middle of nowhere, which is awesome when you're with two guys who hate each other. Trying to break some awkwardness, JoJo pulls Alex aside for a little chat, and it worries me that Alex pretty much only talks about Chad. This could backfire! Be careful! Luckily, JoJo is a freaking badass, and after confronting Chad about what Alex told her, just walks away like a boss. Chad basically admits that he does threaten people, because he has no other way of dealing with it, and we are like, really?? Be an adult. Unfortunately, JoJo is still torn, because maybe Chad only acts this way out of grief over his mother's death...! Okay, maybe, but does that mean you want to date and/or MARRY this guy?? No. Feel bad for 2 minutes, then move on. He'll do well on Bachelor in Paradise anyway. Meanwhile, Chad now knows that Alex talked crap about him, and he is ready to collect some teeth! This will end well. Lucky for America, JoJo has some major sense about her and decides that a violent threatening person is not someone she wants to be with, and sends Chad home. Alex gets a rose, yay, and Chad is apparently left alone in the woods to fend for himself.

In other news, as soon as the guys in the house see Chad's luggage get picked up, they start popping confetti and downing shots and bottles of champagne. And just when everyone thinks he is gone for good... wait for it... here comes creeper Chad trekking through the woods to knock on the door at the guys' house. Apparently looking for a fight. And of course, just when we think it's all about to go down... To Be Continued!!!!!! You are killing me, ABC! So, we have to wait TWO WEEKS to see this ultimate fight go down (if it actually does), and there are apparently a lot of complete emotional breakdowns coming. I know I cannot wait to see how this all unfolds... Until then!

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