Monday, January 2, 2017

The Bachelor Week 1: A Shark. Who Thinks She's a Dolphin.

Well here it is- the moment Nick Viall has been waiting for his entire fame-seeking life- HE is THE center of media attention Bachelor! I joke, I joke. I actually am really excited for Nick to be the Bachelor. Any of my loyal readers will know that historically, I have NOT been a Nick fan. Ever. Remember how many horrible and insulting things I said about him when he was just that super creep on Andi's season, or the house villain on Kaitlyn's season? Well things have changed. Anyone who watched the reality masterpiece that is Bachelor in Paradise knows that Nick has gone from the runner-up everyone hates, to someone we actually like, or dare I say- LOVE. Maybe seeing someone propose and get rejected three times on national television will make you change your feelings... Or maybe he just somehow got way more attractive and way more charming over the course of last summer. Regardless, I actually love him now with his little smile and snark, and I can't wait for the fourth time to be a charm!!!

Per usual, we start the season with exciting introductions to the more important contestants, and some generally crazy bitches. So instead of commenting on every woman in the house, here are some general thoughts during this first episode...
  • Apparently Nick's type is powerful business women. Interesting. So many of these women own businesses and/or have legit jobs. It's nice to know that he's not intimidated by high powered women! 
  • Do you think Nick is tired of everyone making comments/jokes about his past experience on the Bachelor shows?? Because we've heard a LOT of them. Also, telling The Bachelor that all your friends think he's a piece of shit is probably not the best first impression. Hmm. 
  • Just because Nick has banged a bunch of Bachelor alums (and I mean a BUNCH), it doesn't mean he is going to sleep with everyone on the show. Okay, maybe just that one chick who he already drunkenly hooked up with at Jade & Tanner's wedding. And doesn't remember. And she's okay that he doesn't remember it... But that doesn't mean it's going to happen again this season! Right?
  • Red is apparently the popular color of the season. No joke, half the girls are wearing long red gowns. Did they all google "what is Nick Viall's favorite color?" and the first result was "red"? Or was it "what color would most make Nick Viall want to bang me?" Because the answer to that must have also been "red". Or "shark costume." Either way, both are popular tonight.
  • Nick saying "that's an incredible dress" is clearly code for "I like your boobs". And he's used that phrase a few times now. So, there's that.
  • I actually love Nick's sense of humor and his jokes about sending girls home and how the dolphin chick is crazy (she doesn't even know she's really a shark!). This is the Nick that we saw on Bachelor in Paradise, and it's great. Not your typical boring Sean Lowe or Chris Soules here. So far loving it.
50 Shades of Red
So in typical first rose ceremony fashion, a ridiculous amount of girls get roses, and I don't really care about any of them yet. All I know is the shark/dolphin girl got one, as did the girl he already banged. So. Lots of excitement to come I'm sure. And I do always love the fact that the girls who get sent home walk out of the house in daylight. Because it's like 6 am by that point.

Scenes from this season look pretty good, and it wouldn't be Nick's season without some major sex-related drama. Looking forward to that! I haven't picked any favorites yet (but I have picked my LEAST favorite, Corinne), but I am sure Nick's future wife is there!!! Stay tuned for my thoughts as the most dramatic season of The Bachelor continues!

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