Monday, February 29, 2016

Week 9 Recap: Ben Finds The Loves of His Life

It's fantasy suite week!!!!! This means that not only will Ben be spending the night with 3 different women, but apparently he will also be professing his love for TWO of them! Ben and the ladies will be spending this week in Jamaica, which is just the perfect place to fall in love. In case you haven't been paying attention, we are down to the final 3: The weirdo robot who is incapable of love, Caila, the obvious winner from the start, Lauren, and fun-loving hottie with the possessive brothers, JoJo. Which 2 is he in love with?!? Anyone but Robo-Caila, please...

Speak of the devil- Ben's first date this week is with Caila. And I am tempted to just fast forward through this entire segment. How many more times do I need to see her smile excessively and not say anything of substance? Pass. Literally this entire date is them sitting on a river raft in awkward total silence. And occasionally kissing. And talking about how anxious they are. This is so uncomfortable, I can't even deal. I'm sure even the riverboat rower is ready to throw himself overboard just to get away from the awkwardness. Get her out. Later at the nighttime portion of the date, they talk about how weird she was acting earlier in the day. She spends about 30 minutes trying to put a sentence together in order to get out the words that she is in love with him. Just spit it out, for goodness sakes! How are you going to spend the rest of your life with someone who needs hours just to get out a complete thought. Ben is apparently really happy that Caila finally figured out how to say three words, and now she is back to normal, yay! Now that we've taken care of that, it's time to spend the night in the fantasy suite!!! I hope for Ben's sake that they won't be doing much talking in there... because any more of that would be pure torture. Caila is confident that Ben loves her back, even though he doesn't say it, but I'm not so sure... we'll find out later!

The next date of the week goes to Lauren, and we cannot wait. Finally, someone who is actually a real, living human being! This date is already 1927124 times better than the first one, not to mention they are going to be saving baby turtles. But really. Lauren + Ben + baby turtles. Could this be any cuter?!? I am literally dying. LOVE ALL OF THIS. Later, they have a pretty serious conversation where Ben tells Lauren that she is too good for him. That's exactly what I said about Ben with Kaitlyn! They are both people that are just too good for everyone else, which makes them perfect for each other. BEN AND LAUREN PLEASE!!!! Lauren does tell Ben that he is the man of her dreams, but she still hasn't told him that she loves him. What are you waiting for?!? Just do it! He obviously loves you too!!! They decide to head to the fantasy suite together and Lauren is excited to just "do us." Yeah, we know. FINALLY once they are in the suite, Lauren works up the courage to tell Ben that she loves him. And then... WHAT. Ben tells Lauren that he loves her too. Ben!!! You aren't supposed to say that yet, when you still have THREE women left!!! And then they both say it over and over again. IS THIS THE END OF THE SEASON YET? Why is anyone else still even there???? She is clearly the winner. Send everyone else home now!!! Amazing.

So, even though Ben told Lauren he loves her (repeatedly), he still has another date to go on this week. And another fantasy suite. How can you be in love with someone, and take someone else on an overnight date...? Am I the only one who is a bit weirded out by this? I guess we need to just ignore this fact and enjoy the date with our other fave, JoJo. Their date today involves JoJo rocking her insanely hot bikini bod while jumping into waterfalls with Ben. I mean, how can Ben NOT love this? JoJo is actually able to spill her guts to Ben and admit that she is in love with him, and... WHAT. Ben professes his love for JoJo as well. BEN! YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THIS!!!! You can't tell TWO women that you love them, especially when there are still really three left! Didn't the producers tell you the unwritten rules??? You're not supposed to say that until the very end!!! You are going to tear some hearts apart!!! I mean, I love them both too, but this seems kind of unfair. Don't just go throwing those words around! So even though Ben loves JoJo, he is still a bit wary about the brother situation. JoJo does all she can to assuage his fears, and Ben thinks he can handle it. Love can get them through anything! Anyway, they have an amazing fantasy suite experience, and Ben is conflicted, blah blah.

Now for the part we've been waiting for... time to break Caila's heart! But do robots even have hearts to break? Caila is still sure that Ben loves her back, but we know the truth! I love knowing something these dumb dumbs don't know. Smile more and tell me how happy you are to see Ben! So Caila decides to surprise Ben and heads to his house smiling and giggling, and I guess doesn't hear the somber soundtrack in the background... it's bad news for you, Caila... She sneaks up on Ben, and all he can think is, "ohhhh fuck...." Now he has to get rid of her now, instead of waiting until later. How can I do this diplomatically...? Ben does a good job letting her down easy, but does he seriously call her "kiddo"? Did that just happen? Gag me. Calia decides it is time to go, and even as she is crying, she is smiling. Does her robot programming not allow her to stop smiling? Surprisingly enough, Caila pulls a ballsy move and decides to question Ben about everything that happened this week. We know what she is really asking- why did you sleep with me if you were going to send me home? Dick. Ben plays it cool and assuages her fears, and Caila finally leaves. Smile-crying. Ben tries to pull out some tears but let's be honest, he dodged a bullet with that one. Weirdo...

So, don't forget, we still have a rose ceremony this week, even though it is already down to two. These girls need to get their roses! JoJo and Lauren arrive, and start to look around a bit... ummm where is Caila? Gone? Makes sense. Just give us the roses and let's get this show on the road. At the end of the day, Ben is a bit conflicted from being in love with two women. Sorry Ben, but you have to send one of them home! Or try to figure out a sister-wives situation. That might be the best idea.

Before we find out who he chooses, we have Women Tell All next week! Get ready for a dramatic night of bitches whining and crying. I for one cannot wait. Until then...

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