Monday, February 8, 2016

Week 6 Recap: Diving Into Pig-Infested Waters

Tonight is the night! Shit is about to get real with Olivia and who knows, she may even be sent home!!! Right... In our dreams. We start where we left off (To Be Continued just before the rose ceremony) with Ben pulling Olivia aside for a chat... Some of the naïve girls think she is being sent home, but really he just wants to get her perspective on all this drama. Poor Olivia just wants him to know how hard things have been for her! It's just so hard for me to be in the house when I have a target on my back! I'm sorry but I just want to read books. I want to talk. Smart. Things. Good old Olivia, as eloquent as ever. Ben, a sweetheart as always, keeps her around just to give her another try, and the girls are shocked! "But she is fake as f*ck!!!" Do you ladies not know how this show works?

It's finally time for last week's rose ceremony, and guess who gets sent home? The only one who has had absolutely no on-camera time and no alone time with Ben??? Yes, that's Jennifer. I feel like she is actually kind of awesome, but apparently Ben is just not trying to keep around any brunettes. Why bother even getting to know you if you aren't blonde?? Or at least fake blonde. Watch out, Caila, you're next.

Well at least Ben and the girls are off to... the Bahamas! Which according to Amanda is the most romantic place they've been yet. Between L.A, Las Vegas, and the Bahamas...? Yeah, good call. So the first date card arrives and we all expect Leah because she is beautiful and hasn't had any quality time yet. But the one-on-one date goes to... Caila. Who has already had a one-on-one. This is actually kind of ridiculous. Don't you see the color of her hair??? Apparently the fact that their first date was a foursome with Kevin Hart and Ice Cube means that it didn't really count...... and they have unfinished business, and they are going to need to go fly fishing to figure out their relationship. Meanwhile, Leah shows us that she is one of the most practical contestants ever by realizing that she is done and might as well go home. I mean, she's right- week 6 and you haven't had any alone time? Yes, if he doesn't pick you this week, you are done. It's unfortunate because she is very pretty and seems cool, but she's right- if she stays, she will look like a fool, and is probably better off leaving on her own terms. Hope to see you on Bachelor in Paradise, Leah! I think you would do well there.
Token Brunette Caila!
So meanwhile on their date, Ben apparently is worried that Caila is always smiling and is not ready to cry on his shoulder. Don't you know that you are supposed to have a sob story that makes me want to keep you around?!? You need to share every deep secret and fear! Caila finally shares that she might love him, but she is afraid she will break his heart. DUH- she is a heart breaker!!! She dumped her last boyfriend after just watching the Bachelorette! She is super confusing and seems like she is for sure not ready for this, but apparently that is attractive to Ben, and now that he has listened to her ramble on about her heart versus her head, he knows she could be the one. Really? She seems like she could use some maturity and life experience, because I do not think I could deal with her as she is now. Well she gets the rose, because I guess we need to keep the token brunette around a little longer at least.

Next up, we have the group date, involving some bikini-clad women heading into shark infested waters. Or actually.. pig infested waters..? Apparently there is a beach in the Bahamas where pigs go swimming along the shore, and you feed them hot dogs as they chase you around squealing. This. Is. Weird. If things weren't already awkward enough, Ben decides he is feeling awkward and starts acting super weird around everyone. Wait, you mean dating 6 girls at the same place at the same time is uncomfortable? Crazy. Literally every conversation on this beach is excruciating, and they don't even have alcohol! That's the only thing getting ME through this. Maybe things will get better once the pigs are gone...?
Later we learn that apparently all the girls are totally losing it because they can see that Ben only has eyes for Lauren B. I mean, we all know she's the best one there, and there is clearly no denying it. But Ben is like, oh shit, I'm not supposed to pick the winning girl yet, I better reassure all the other girls so they stick around, or I won't get my full 10 weeks of fame! So out of nowhere, what does Leah do??? She throws Lauren B under the bus!!! Lauren B?!?! She is so sweet and beautiful and amazing!!! What do you mean she is "different in the house" and won't make him happy??? So now Ben is freaking out and worried about his relationship with Lauren B and we are like WHAT IS GOING ON??? I guess Leah is pulling out all desperate measures to get the frontrunners out of here, and flat out LYING about it to the girls. "What? Someone talked crap about you to Ben?? Who would do that?? I didn't!" Come on Leah, we were on your side only 30 minutes ago, and now you are denying throwing people under the bus??? You know there are cameras, right? And a Women Tell All show in a few weeks? Good luck there. At the end of the night, Amanda gets the group date rose, and we all fear for Lauren B. WHYYYY??? NOT LAUREN!!!

So Leah is in full on desperation mode as she decides to head over to Ben's place to further destroy Lauren B. What are you doing?!? At least target someone who deserves it like Olivia! Or maybe even try to seduce him to make yourself look better. We've seen this strategy before and it is almost never successful. You know what HAS been proven successful? Sex in the ocean. Might wanna change your approach... Shockingly enough, spending your time talking crap about the frontrunner instead of making your own connection DOESN'T work, and it backfires so much that Leah gets sent home right then and there!!! Oh Leah, why didn't you just take him down to the ocean..?
In case you forgot, after all that, we STILL have a TWO-ON-ONE!!! With Emily and Olivia. The most hated enemies. Ohhh this will be great. In true two-on-one fashion, they head off to some deserted beach area where their entire date will consist of awkward individual conversations will the other one just sits and bitches to the camera. First we get to hear about Olivia's recent deep intellectual revelations in her life, for example, that she loves Ben! Good one. Later, Emily tries to explain how serious she is about him and that she wants to start a life with him! But why won't she just pull her hair back into a goddamn ponytail so it doesn't have to fly into her face with these 100 mph winds?? Kind of ruins this conversation, Emily. Ben apparently now knows what he needs to do, and grabs the rose, and Olivia......... Whattttt??????? How could you possibly be choosing Olivia??? Just when you thought Ben was the typical Bachelor idiot, he shocks us all by telling her to go home! Apparently he is not ready to tell her he reciprocates her love at Week 6, shock, and leaves her standing alone in the middle of the water in hurricane force winds as he goes over to shore to give Emily the rose. Ohhh poor Olivia left alone in this cyclone of emotion! She literally watches Ben and Emily speed off in their private boat, and as we wonder how she is planning on getting off this island, we breathe a collective sigh of relief. So long, psycho.

Just when we thought there was no way this episode would end on time... it appears that Ben has cancelled the cocktail party and one of these women is going home without a chance to say anything more! I can't believe he is sending THREE home tonight- that is unexpected. Moving right along I guess... All my favorites (Lauren B & JoJo) are totally convinced they are done for, but come on, you are clearly safe. With Caila, Amanda, and Emily already having roses, the rest of the roses go to... Becca (ugh), JoJo (yay!), and Lauren B (we were supposed to be shocked but we aren't). That means Lauren H (the face) is heading home this week and I am not too sad about it. He can do way better than her.

So at the end of this week, all the girls left are actually pretty sweet, good girls, and I am not sure where he will be going from here. From previews it appears that some CRAZY SHIT is going down in the next few weeks, including Ben legit falling in love with 2 women and wanting to propose to them both. I can hardly wait to see how things end up... More to come next week!

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