Monday, March 4, 2013

Women Tell All?!? No, This BITCH Will Tell All!

Tonight is the Women Tell All special and I cannot WAIT.  These bitches are going to claw at each other, cry their eyes out, and confess their deepest thoughts.  And of course, we get to see Tierra get attacked for being the best game player.  Let's take a look at what these women have to say, shall we...

They're all back!!! (ABC)

First up, Chris Harrison shows us his Bachelor-watching party crashing where he and Sean show up to people's houses for their Bachelor parties.  Why didn't they come to MY house?!?  I am super jealous of these fans and their visits with Sean.  He is just so humbled by all the fans because he had NO idea how much people liked him (and his abs), and this was the time of his life.  I wonder how his possible current-fiancee feels about these women pawing at him like this?? Ohh publicity.

Next, the ladies are introduced and it's the typical awkward moment where we forget who half of them are.  We watch a recap of the ladies attacking each other in their confessionals, as they sit together uncomfortably.  Love it.  I thought maybe this topic would be delayed a bit, but Chris immediately brings up Tierra.  So I guess this is happening.  Lesley M cleverly tells us that Tierra's sparkle didn't sparkle that big (love it Lesley) and we all chuckle.  The ladies discuss her injuries and the fakeness of them all, and Brooke (who?) has the audacity to bring up exactly what I have been saying this whole time: the women are mad because THEY didn't do what she did.  Duh!  Of course, this is not something we want to admit, so everyone thinks it is such a horrifying thought.  But really.  Robyn explains that she isn't with Sean because Tierra took away her attention from Sean.  Yeah Robyn, I'm sure that's why you got sent home... Chris prepares them for Tierra's arrival and wonders aloud if this is even a good idea to bring her out.  Such a jokester!  Gotta love Chris.

We watch the Tierrarist's dramatic entrance and Chris pleads with us to hear her out.  I agree- she IS the best game player of them all.  Let's hear her tips!  The girls shoot eye daggers at her and things get tense!  Chris thanks Tierra for coming (please... she LOVES this shit) and Tierra starts her explanation of her personality.  Apparently the girls were judging her on what she looks like (?), instead of letting her light up the room like she usually does.  She is playing her innocence up really well, and I am impressed.  By the way, is her right eyebrow more pronounced than usual?  I think her stylist must have shaped it like that intentionally.  Or maybe she really just CAN'T control it...  The girls all snicker as she speaks and I kind of feel bad... I mean, you don't HAVE to make friends in the Bachelor house.  Tierra confesses that all the girls talked about each other behind their backs and the girls look shocked.  Really? Of COURSE they all talked shit, we are women, that's what we do!!  Chris asks if she has anything to apologize for, and she says no, she never said anything bad about anyone.  The girls roll their eyes but I actually kind of believe that... I mean we never saw her specifically target anyone in the house.  Maybe it was just off camera?  Or maybe they just took her overall rudeness as targeted attacks?  Roll the tape, folks!

It's time for the girls to attac-er-question Tierra and this could get intense!  First thing, Robyn attacks her as being delusional and we can tell this is not going to go well.  Tierra says she can't remember every stink-eye she's ever given, clearly her memory is lost, and we find out that she is just super paranoid.  She apparently always thought everyone was talking about her when really they were just hanging out.  We find out that if only Tierra would have just said "Good Morning" once in a while, maybe the girls would have liked her!  Tierra maintains that all she cared about was her relationship with Sean.  Fair.  Yeah, why are we going on about all this???  Isn't this supposed to be about Sean??? 

Next up, AshLee confronts Tierra about that big St. Croix blow-up.  I mean, in reality, AshLee DID throw Tierra under the bus... So... Really, I don't think Tierra was all that wrong.  Am I the only one in America who feels this way???  I'm not saying she's a good person, but I feel like AshLee was kind of a bitch to Tierra too.  Lesley backs up AshLee saying that Tierra "made her own cot" and someone had to be mean to her.  True, but she's not the worst person in the world- she just knows how to play the game!  Tierra apologizes for the women thinking that she didn't like them. Hmm was that an apology?  Hard to tell.  She admits that she handled things in a bad way, and I would love to just move on!  Chris wonders about the rock on her finger and we get to hear the whole (?) engagement story!  Tierra shows us the ring (how did he afford this?) and proclaims to the world that this IS real and she is happy with her "good man."  Good riddance, Tierra, and good luck!

It's time to talk to Sarah.  Yawn.  Can I just fast forward through these tears?  Get over it, nobody liked you, they just felt sorry for you.  Maybe if you didn't get so obsessed with a guy after knowing him for a week, he wouldn't freak out and dump you.  Oh and also maybe if you were a better kisser.  Well, we get to watch the heart-wrenching recap of their relationship/break up and the audience is so sad.  But really, what was so great about her?  Her courage to come on the show even though she had one arm?  I thought she wanted to be treated like everyone else.  Well she got her wish: he dumped her just like everyone else, except one of them.  So, let's get over it.  In the studio, she has tears in her eyes and I'm like, really, you STILL can't move on??  Just join the club with all the other dumped girls surrounding you.  I think the problem is not the guy... And it's NOT the one arm, it's the craziness and the lack of kissing skills.  The end.

Finally we get to hear from Des!  She's looking different than she did on the show, like, did she get Botox recently?  Or has she been crying?  Something is off.  We re-watch the brother being a douche and poor Des can't handle it.  My anger towards him is reignited and I am getting fired up again!  Desiree recounts that night she went home and is clearly still a bit upset.  She (unlike Sarah) actually has a reason to be upset- they had a real connection!  Des tells us that she still loves her brother (why?!) but admits that he was probably the reason she went home.  She calls it the worst hometown in Bachelor history, and I would definitely agree.  She is staying positive and is ready to find love again... Desiree for the next Bachelorette!!!

Moving on to AshLee.  Are we all finally going to realize that she is not sweet and innocent but actually CRAZY and WAY too intense?  Wonder if she's moved on...  First of all, the fake blonde hair is NOT working for you, and it's not going to help you get Sean back.  She admits that she was indeed ready to marry Sean, and was therefore so confused when she got sent home.  Chris asks if she is still in love with him (YES) and she says no, she's over it.  I'm sure.  She explains that after watching, it seems like Sean actually wasn't who she thought he was (a Southern gentleman)- he was like a FRAT BOY!  Hmm.. most of the Frat boys I knew were Southern gentlemen but maybe that's just where I went to school... Let's see what Sean has to say about that accusation!

Sean arrives on the set and we all start screaming- oh my goddddd he's so hotttt!!!  Chris invites AshLee to ask Sean anything, and she wants to know what happened!  She joins them back on stage and Sean tries to give her some closure.  He explains that he couldn't "find the laughter" with her (and that she is psychotic??) and she wonders why he even made her go through the rose ceremony.  Good point.  Her biggest beef with him is that he never came back to check on her after the dumping- Sean you are a gentleman!  Because he DUMPED you.  He said good riddance!  Maybe you should have just gotten over it.  You were the one who walked away without speaking to him...  Stop questioning his decisions and let it go.  The end.  AshLee alleges that he told her he had no feelings for the other women- that there was nothing there- and this bitch is getting CRAZY.  Is there footage of this???  She asks if she would just make that up and we all know that YES, she would.  She is a woman scorned and a psychotic one at that.  Yikes, this is getting uncomfortable.  She says that she is happy for him and Sean continues to insist that he has no idea what she is talking about.  She will not let it go and I'm like, AshLee, you are nuts.  End this please!  During the break she is still going on about it because she is SURE that he said it.  Wow.  That was uncomfortable.  Chris gives Sean the last word on this, and he apologizes if he said something that mislead AshLee.  Moving on.  Finally.

Sean with AshLee was even more uncomfortable than he looks in this finale sneak peak... (ABC)

Next, Chris asks Sean what went wrong with Des, and Sean tells us that she just wouldn't let him in all the way.  Please, it was the brother.  They have a cordial conversation and closure, and we see again why Desiree is the most normal, relaxed woman of them all.  We love you, Des!

The show ends with some entertaining bloopers and a preview of the finale!  Next week it looks like there will be a lot of tears and a lot of elephant rides.  We still don't know what "the letter" will be about, but I can only assume that it will not affect his engagement (he looked so happy tonight!).  The finale event is 3-hour doozy and I cannot wait!  I am still predicting Lindsay to win, but we will see what happens... stay tuned for all the drama!

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