DWTS Week 2: Sean Saves a Life!

It's week 2 of Dancing with the Stars!  Lucky (or unlucky) for my dad, I am visiting and staying with my parents right now, so he got to watch his least favorite show with me tonight.  Don't worry, I didn't make him watch the whole episode.  At least I got to watch Sean's stellar performance!  Let's recap, shall we?

Sean is dancing the jive this week.  As he practices in his hot little tank tops, we are like, we get it.  He is muscular.  Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to have the rhythm that he needs for this dance...  At one point during rehearsals, we see Peta yell at Sean and he curls up in the fetal position.  Oh Sean, this is going to be your future once you get married, so get used to it!  In other news, is Sean looking a little too thin and malnourished to anyone else?

Time for the dance, and Sean is dressed as a lifeguard, in his beefy tank top again of course.  So glad we get to see those muscles!  First we see him resuscitating Peta, Sandlot style.  Classic. Bonus points for that one!  He keeps flashing us his cheesy smile and it is so bad I can't even handle it.  Also, Peta's choreography has him saluting throughout the whole dance.  It's excessive and kind of weird.  He also has to do some high kicks and they are definitely not up to par.  Maybe he needs to work on that flexibility a little bit- at least for Catherine's sake before they get married!  Next, Sean thinks he is a gymnast!  That cartwheel.  You are no Aly Raisman.  Please stop.  Finally the dance ends and I can wipe the look of disgust off my face.  Quick flash to Catherine cheering him on!  What a sweetheart!

We get the judges remarks, and they are not optimal.  Bruno says Sean has charm and charisma but it was too jitterbug than jive.  But has a great presence (aka looks great in a tank).  Carrie Ann wants him to feel the music more, and Len doesn't get it at all!  Thank you, Len, for saying what we are all thinking!  Catherine shakes her head and boos at Len but really, Catherine?  It's obvious Sean doesn't have the sass and spunk that he needs!  (In any capacity of your lives, I bet...).

Will he get the rose?? Er.. votes??

Sean gets ready for his scores and exclaims that he and Peta are having a blast together. How sweet.  He gets a 7-6-7 set of scores and Sean feels good about it.  Not bad, but not good either.  Average- just like his personality.  By the way, is he wearing makeup?  I am sure he has some stage makeup on, but he looks rather feminine. Maybe lay off the eyeliner next time... Not a good look.

Well hopefully Sean's arms have gained him enough support that he will have the votes to keep him around!  Watch the results show tonight, or stay tuned for updates from me if anything exciting happens!

Sean's First Dance...

In case you didn't know, Sean is back on ABC!  We don't have to say goodbye to him yet, which means you don't get to say goodbye to ME yet either!  Bonus!  Tonight is the first episode of the new season of Dancing With the Stars and I am of course ecstatic with the cast selection- mainly Sean! But I have to admit I am actually cheering for my girl Aly Raisman!!!  I can't abandon my gymnast roots!!!  Sorry, Sean, you are only 2nd place in my heart this season.  But oh well, it's time to check out Sean's dance moves...

First we get to see a little glimpse of Sean's past (don't we ALL already know this stuff?) and ABC gets another chance to show off all the rumors and gossip about Sean's "personal life" aka his virgin status. We just can't get enough about your sexuality, Sean!  Sean explains that he is on the show because he wants even more publicity-- er-- wait, it's because he doesn't want to embarrass his future wife Catherine for their first dance.  How sweet! 

Yikes... this is what we get this season... (ABC)

Sean is dancing with Peta, and we get to see them at work in their practice sessions.  Sean admits that he is not a natural dancer, and that is an understatement.  He may look good shirtless, but definitely NOT looking good moving those hips.  Sean better get some practice in before that wedding night...

They dance the Foxtrot to "Power of Love" and Sean looks cheesier than ever.  I will admit, he wasn't awful (if you want awful, watch D.L. Hughley's performance), but he wasn't wonderful.  He definitely has a winning smile and looks adorable from the neck up.  But the dancing was a bit stiff- dancing is all about the sexuality and clearly he does not have that going on right now!  He needs to reconsider his "personal" decisions if he wants to succeed on this show, in my opinion.  He gets decent feedback from the judges but I am confident he will go a few weeks at least due to his fan base. 

I can't stop wondering how Catherine feels about all this.  She is so down-to-earth and normal and I have a bad feeling that this show will put a strain on their relationship... I hope not, but I am a bit worried!  We'll have to watch that one closely...

This week there are no eliminations, so we will see Sean's fate decided next week, but I feel good about his chances of sticking around for a while- so stay tuned for feedback from the next episode!

The Next Bachelorette: DES!

By now I am sure all die hard Bachelor/ette fans know about the big announcement, but in case you hadn't heard... DES IS THE NEXT BACHELORETTE!

I am beyond excited. I LOVE her and still think she should have won Sean's season (okay fine, Catherine and Sean are pretty cute together).  Regardless, she will be a great Bachelorette!

It is clear that we will see a LOT of crying and emotion- for goodness sakes, she was crying last night at the sight of people cheering for her.  She will definitely have some dramatic times and we already know that when it comes time for her family to meet the final men, there will DEFINITELY be some drama. I hope they bring that douche brother onto the show as much as possible.  Or maybe she will have disowned him by then...

Anyway, it will be nice to have an actual NORMAL girl as the Bachelorette.  I mean seriously, she is cute, smart, fun, and a good person.  When was the last time that happened??? Ali.  She actually has hope of finding someone great, and it will be nice to see her fall in love!

I can't wait to get more details on her season, and I will definitely report all the juicy gossip for all to read!  Hope everyone else is a excited as me.

And p.s., get ready for some reports on SEAN on Dancing with the Stars!!!  Can't wait...

And the Winner Is...

The end is finally here and we have a lot of questions to answer tonight!  WHO will he choose?  WILL he propose? And WHAT is that letter about?  Oh wait, and the most important question- WHY is this episode THREE hours long?!?  Let's see what excitement awaits...

Sean brings the ladies to Thailand for the final week, and he can't wait to spend time with them AND with his family.  We get to see Sean interact with his adorable niece and nephew again and we are reminded how great of a family man he is!  How sweet.  Sean admits that he has no idea who he is going to choose and the family is skeptical.  I mean, I would be too.  I know I've never done this or anything, but how can you really be ready to propose to TWO people?  I just don't know.

Catherine is the first to meet the family and she just fits right in!  She really is so cute and genuine and it's actually kind of refreshing to have someone real on this show.  Sean's mother, however, needs to see passion!  Is that weird?  How much does she want to know...?  Hmm.  Catherine is being really serious with the mom, and I'm not sure I like her this way.  I'm so torn right now!  She's so normal, I don't know what to think!  This is not how the Bachelor is supposed to go!  Sean's dad tells Catherine that if they get married, he will love her like his daughter, and he is so sweet!  Catherine tears up and I do really love Sean's family.  Why is everyone so normal?!?  I need the drama. 

Next we get to see Lindsay meet the family, and I have a feeling we will all be even more torn.  She's been my front-runner for a while, but Catherine was so great with the family!  Lindsay is adorable and fun and the family even appreciates the whole wedding dress thing!  It's meant to be.  Sean's dad is throwing some tough questions out there and Lindsay is doing pretty well with them.  Gosh, this dad!  He is making everyone cry and he is so sweet I can't even handle it.  Lindsay asks the dad for Sean's hand in marriage and they have a good laugh.  She is such a jokester and they love her too!  What is Sean going to do???

Shockingly, the family loved them both.  His mom reminds him that he does not HAVE to propose, and that he shouldn't if he is not sure.  Thank you for a voice of reason!  Is she the only one who has seen the track record of couples from this show??  I know ABC wants a fairy tale, but the guys really don't need to propose.  I agree with the mom!!  Sean appears to not be listening to her advice, and he just wants her support. But come on, it's your mom and you are about to propose to someone you've been non-exclusively dating for three months.  I mean...  She's right.  You're blinded.  Sean is still undecided but will make his decision in 48 hours.  Just do it already!

Sean is rocking the tank top for his last date with Lindsay and he legit looks like an old Ken doll I used to have.  No joke.  They go rafting down the icky brown river and Sean gives Lindsay a geography lesson- so romantic.  It really looks like Sean is in love with her, and I really see them together!  The chemistry!  They make out a little bit while the raft captains row them along... awkward, but I guess not when you're in love!  Lindsay is so in love and Sean just wants to say it back!  Too bad he is not allowed to. Ugh, I think they are perfect together, the end.  Lindsay surprises Sean by doing the make a wish on a floating lantern thing, and I am pretty sure she got that idea from a previous season of the Bachlor/ette... because I've definitely seen this on the show before.  How creative, Lindsay!  Just get married and be done with it, you guys!

Even though Sean has fallen in love with Lindsay, he needs to have a final date with Catherine too. He is searching for a sign that SHE is the one, not Lindsay.  I don't know.  Sean is taking Catherine on an elephant ride and she is so excited and adorable.  I am so jealous!  This is my dream!  She really is so cute.  They get off the elephants and have a cuddle session and sadly I just don't see the chemistry as much.  She is very rational and practical (which is great), but I feel like he wants a carefree dreamer like Lindsay.  Catherine feels the need to share how she feels with Sean, but she is just not as open and free with her love as Lindsay.  I don't like how she never looks him in the eye when she is talking to him about serious stuff.  I know it's hard for her to be vulnerable, but I don't think it's a good thing.  Right at the end of the date, she is finally ready to say she loves him, and she takes the plunge.  BUT, she doesn't see it reciprocated by Sean.  She chases after him in tears because she can sense that it won't be her.  Doesn't she realize that he is not allowed to admit his true feelings to either of them?  That's the crappy nature of the show, Catherine- you have to be the first one to say I love you.  You should have been ready for this!  Catherine is devastated at the end of the night, but I still don't know for sure what he is going to do... so stressful!

Meanwhile, back at the live studio show, Chris Harrison interviews some of the fans about their take on the episode.  HOW DO I GET ON THIS LIVE FINALE???  I need to be there.  They need my input for sure.

Well, Sean still thinks that he could marry either woman, but he has woken up this morning knowing what he needs to do.  He is ready to pick out the ring and thank goodness Neil Lane has made the trip out to Thailand to provide the bling!  Luckily, he picks out the gaudiest ring possible... lovely.  Sean is so emotional as he cries on camera.  Like legit cries.  The girls get ready for the final rose ceremony and we are ready to see one heart break. 

Back in the studio, Lesley is there!!!  So happy to see her!!!  She chooses Catherine (only because they are bff's from the show), but I have to respect her choice!  Sarah is there as well, blah, and chooses Lindsay to win.  AshLee is back too, and I am waiting for her to jump at the winner with a switch blade later tonight.  She is predicting Lindsay to win and I am worried for Lindsay's safety.  This crazy bitch is not going to be okay with whoever ends up with him.  Yikes!  Okay, Chris, let's get to the winner already!

FINALLY the time is here.  Sean cries a little bit more knowing that he is about to hurt a girl he has no reason to hurt, and it is a little bit sad.  The suspense is killing me!  And WAIT- Lindsay is the first girl, meaning she is NOT the one!  WHAT!?  How can this be happening!?  This makes no sense!  THIS IS SHOCKING!  She is trying to take this well but you can tell that she is devastated and trying to make sense of it all.  I actually cannot believe this.  He even tells her that he loves her, and he starts to cry, and she just tells him to stop.  I AM DYING.  Lindsay admits that this is her nightmare and graciously tells him she's gonna go now.  HOW SAD IS THIS?  Lindsay takes off her heels and walks away as Sean tries to be a gentleman and walk her out.  Rather, he looks like a creep following her into the woods of Thailand.  Don't you get it Sean?? Leave her alone!  This bitch is pissed!  Luckily Chris Harrison is there to escort her out, and Sean pulls himself together.  Poor Lindsay is so emotional and I mean, she has a right to be pissed.  But then again, you are 24 and hot- I am pretty sure you'll bounce back.  P.S. Am I the only one who noticed that the past 2 Bachelor seasons have ended with Lindsay/Lindzi as the runner up??  Maybe the name is cursed.  Well, she definitely took it graciously.  And... moving on.

Lindsay ready to finish in 2nd in her silver outfit... (ABC)

Chris shows up with Sean again with a note from... Catherine!  What does it say?!?  ABC cuts us off in suspense and we are dying to see the results!  Finally, we get a dramatic reading of the letter from Sean and Catherine, and we find out that she is excited to be with him after all!  OMG they are going to be together forever!  Also, is it a coincidence that Lindsay was wearing all silver and Catherine is wearing all gold?  I have to think this is symbolic... Clever producers!!  Sean gives an emotional, dramatic speech, and it really is romantic.  He gets down on one knee and they both start shaking, and she is in such genuine amazement.  Okay, this is actually so sweet.  I am happy for them.  Well, I hope it works out.  They are both cute and seem genuine and happy, and OMG they ride off on an elephant.  DYING.  I guess I was wrong about my final predictions, but it HAD to be the way the producers cut the show.  I mean, they made it seem like it would be Lindsay for sure.  Damn you, ABC!  Well, now that we know it's Catherine, I can't wait to see what the latest big announcement is...

The gold suits you!  (ABC)

Back at the studio, Sean is there!!  He is so happy to have the secret out there, and he is so excited to make their love known to the world!  How sweet.  Well, before we can all be happy, it's time to see Lindsay... awkward!  She of course asks what happened, and Sean really doesn't have an answer.  That's the worst.  She is so mature and lets him know that she is happy for him, but still pushes to know what went wrong.  Again, no real answer.  He just knows Catherine is the one.  Honestly, that is the worst answer, and this is getting really uncomfortable.  Chris pushes even further and makes Lindsay relive the painful moments of the rejection. Thanks, Chris.  Lindsay keeps harking on her faith and thanks the Lord for helping her through the break up, and I can't even deal with this.  Good thing I'm 4 or 5 glasses of wine deep right now.

Sean is ready to reunite with Catherine in public, and we can't wait!  They both look so happy and are so in love.  It's nice.  On one hand, it's actually nice to see a genuine, happy couple, but on the other hand- I love me some drama!  We "get"/have to re-watch the proposal, but it's nice that they get to watch it.  Really- my husband's proposal to me was recorded and it was definitely fun to watch again- so I get it.  But we JUST saw this an hour ago, so...  let's get to the big announcement, please!  Oh. No.  Stop.  Guess what the surprise is?!  They are going to get married on TV.  On ABC!  Shock!  I guess this commitment means they actually have to go through with it, even though they don't have a date yet.  Chris Harrison offers to marry them TONIGHT, but they turn him down.  Lame.  It's exciting to see that they are actually serious about getting married, but come on- I would get married on TV too if ABC was going to fund/plan the whole thing- did you SEE Ashley & JP's wedding?  Yeah.  This excruciating 3-hour event is almost over- we are just waiting for the announcement of the next Bachelorette, and I cannot wait- I am pretty sure I know who it will be. 

And... IT'S DESIREE!  Just who I was hoping for and expecting!  I am BEYOND excited that it is her, and I cannot wait until her season.  She is so cute and happy and I love her even more than ever.  Don't worry, I'll be posting more about my excitement soon and I cannot wait to blog about her season this summer! 

Well, this is it for my first season Bachelor blogging.  Stay tuned during the off-season for updates, and get excited for next season with DES!  Until then, stay bitchy!

Women Tell All?!? No, This BITCH Will Tell All!

Tonight is the Women Tell All special and I cannot WAIT.  These bitches are going to claw at each other, cry their eyes out, and confess their deepest thoughts.  And of course, we get to see Tierra get attacked for being the best game player.  Let's take a look at what these women have to say, shall we...

They're all back!!! (ABC)

First up, Chris Harrison shows us his Bachelor-watching party crashing where he and Sean show up to people's houses for their Bachelor parties.  Why didn't they come to MY house?!?  I am super jealous of these fans and their visits with Sean.  He is just so humbled by all the fans because he had NO idea how much people liked him (and his abs), and this was the time of his life.  I wonder how his possible current-fiancee feels about these women pawing at him like this?? Ohh publicity.

Next, the ladies are introduced and it's the typical awkward moment where we forget who half of them are.  We watch a recap of the ladies attacking each other in their confessionals, as they sit together uncomfortably.  Love it.  I thought maybe this topic would be delayed a bit, but Chris immediately brings up Tierra.  So I guess this is happening.  Lesley M cleverly tells us that Tierra's sparkle didn't sparkle that big (love it Lesley) and we all chuckle.  The ladies discuss her injuries and the fakeness of them all, and Brooke (who?) has the audacity to bring up exactly what I have been saying this whole time: the women are mad because THEY didn't do what she did.  Duh!  Of course, this is not something we want to admit, so everyone thinks it is such a horrifying thought.  But really.  Robyn explains that she isn't with Sean because Tierra took away her attention from Sean.  Yeah Robyn, I'm sure that's why you got sent home... Chris prepares them for Tierra's arrival and wonders aloud if this is even a good idea to bring her out.  Such a jokester!  Gotta love Chris.

We watch the Tierrarist's dramatic entrance and Chris pleads with us to hear her out.  I agree- she IS the best game player of them all.  Let's hear her tips!  The girls shoot eye daggers at her and things get tense!  Chris thanks Tierra for coming (please... she LOVES this shit) and Tierra starts her explanation of her personality.  Apparently the girls were judging her on what she looks like (?), instead of letting her light up the room like she usually does.  She is playing her innocence up really well, and I am impressed.  By the way, is her right eyebrow more pronounced than usual?  I think her stylist must have shaped it like that intentionally.  Or maybe she really just CAN'T control it...  The girls all snicker as she speaks and I kind of feel bad... I mean, you don't HAVE to make friends in the Bachelor house.  Tierra confesses that all the girls talked about each other behind their backs and the girls look shocked.  Really? Of COURSE they all talked shit, we are women, that's what we do!!  Chris asks if she has anything to apologize for, and she says no, she never said anything bad about anyone.  The girls roll their eyes but I actually kind of believe that... I mean we never saw her specifically target anyone in the house.  Maybe it was just off camera?  Or maybe they just took her overall rudeness as targeted attacks?  Roll the tape, folks!

It's time for the girls to attac-er-question Tierra and this could get intense!  First thing, Robyn attacks her as being delusional and we can tell this is not going to go well.  Tierra says she can't remember every stink-eye she's ever given, clearly her memory is lost, and we find out that she is just super paranoid.  She apparently always thought everyone was talking about her when really they were just hanging out.  We find out that if only Tierra would have just said "Good Morning" once in a while, maybe the girls would have liked her!  Tierra maintains that all she cared about was her relationship with Sean.  Fair.  Yeah, why are we going on about all this???  Isn't this supposed to be about Sean??? 

Next up, AshLee confronts Tierra about that big St. Croix blow-up.  I mean, in reality, AshLee DID throw Tierra under the bus... So... Really, I don't think Tierra was all that wrong.  Am I the only one in America who feels this way???  I'm not saying she's a good person, but I feel like AshLee was kind of a bitch to Tierra too.  Lesley backs up AshLee saying that Tierra "made her own cot" and someone had to be mean to her.  True, but she's not the worst person in the world- she just knows how to play the game!  Tierra apologizes for the women thinking that she didn't like them. Hmm was that an apology?  Hard to tell.  She admits that she handled things in a bad way, and I would love to just move on!  Chris wonders about the rock on her finger and we get to hear the whole (?) engagement story!  Tierra shows us the ring (how did he afford this?) and proclaims to the world that this IS real and she is happy with her "good man."  Good riddance, Tierra, and good luck!

It's time to talk to Sarah.  Yawn.  Can I just fast forward through these tears?  Get over it, nobody liked you, they just felt sorry for you.  Maybe if you didn't get so obsessed with a guy after knowing him for a week, he wouldn't freak out and dump you.  Oh and also maybe if you were a better kisser.  Well, we get to watch the heart-wrenching recap of their relationship/break up and the audience is so sad.  But really, what was so great about her?  Her courage to come on the show even though she had one arm?  I thought she wanted to be treated like everyone else.  Well she got her wish: he dumped her just like everyone else, except one of them.  So, let's get over it.  In the studio, she has tears in her eyes and I'm like, really, you STILL can't move on??  Just join the club with all the other dumped girls surrounding you.  I think the problem is not the guy... And it's NOT the one arm, it's the craziness and the lack of kissing skills.  The end.

Finally we get to hear from Des!  She's looking different than she did on the show, like, did she get Botox recently?  Or has she been crying?  Something is off.  We re-watch the brother being a douche and poor Des can't handle it.  My anger towards him is reignited and I am getting fired up again!  Desiree recounts that night she went home and is clearly still a bit upset.  She (unlike Sarah) actually has a reason to be upset- they had a real connection!  Des tells us that she still loves her brother (why?!) but admits that he was probably the reason she went home.  She calls it the worst hometown in Bachelor history, and I would definitely agree.  She is staying positive and is ready to find love again... Desiree for the next Bachelorette!!!

Moving on to AshLee.  Are we all finally going to realize that she is not sweet and innocent but actually CRAZY and WAY too intense?  Wonder if she's moved on...  First of all, the fake blonde hair is NOT working for you, and it's not going to help you get Sean back.  She admits that she was indeed ready to marry Sean, and was therefore so confused when she got sent home.  Chris asks if she is still in love with him (YES) and she says no, she's over it.  I'm sure.  She explains that after watching, it seems like Sean actually wasn't who she thought he was (a Southern gentleman)- he was like a FRAT BOY!  Hmm.. most of the Frat boys I knew were Southern gentlemen but maybe that's just where I went to school... Let's see what Sean has to say about that accusation!

Sean arrives on the set and we all start screaming- oh my goddddd he's so hotttt!!!  Chris invites AshLee to ask Sean anything, and she wants to know what happened!  She joins them back on stage and Sean tries to give her some closure.  He explains that he couldn't "find the laughter" with her (and that she is psychotic??) and she wonders why he even made her go through the rose ceremony.  Good point.  Her biggest beef with him is that he never came back to check on her after the dumping- Sean you are a gentleman!  Because he DUMPED you.  He said good riddance!  Maybe you should have just gotten over it.  You were the one who walked away without speaking to him...  Stop questioning his decisions and let it go.  The end.  AshLee alleges that he told her he had no feelings for the other women- that there was nothing there- and this bitch is getting CRAZY.  Is there footage of this???  She asks if she would just make that up and we all know that YES, she would.  She is a woman scorned and a psychotic one at that.  Yikes, this is getting uncomfortable.  She says that she is happy for him and Sean continues to insist that he has no idea what she is talking about.  She will not let it go and I'm like, AshLee, you are nuts.  End this please!  During the break she is still going on about it because she is SURE that he said it.  Wow.  That was uncomfortable.  Chris gives Sean the last word on this, and he apologizes if he said something that mislead AshLee.  Moving on.  Finally.

Sean with AshLee was even more uncomfortable than he looks in this finale sneak peak... (ABC)

Next, Chris asks Sean what went wrong with Des, and Sean tells us that she just wouldn't let him in all the way.  Please, it was the brother.  They have a cordial conversation and closure, and we see again why Desiree is the most normal, relaxed woman of them all.  We love you, Des!

The show ends with some entertaining bloopers and a preview of the finale!  Next week it looks like there will be a lot of tears and a lot of elephant rides.  We still don't know what "the letter" will be about, but I can only assume that it will not affect his engagement (he looked so happy tonight!).  The finale event is 3-hour doozy and I cannot wait!  I am still predicting Lindsay to win, but we will see what happens... stay tuned for all the drama!