Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Week 1 Recap: More Eye Contact Please...

And just like that, The Bachelor is back! And I am sure it will prove to be the most SHOCKING season EVER. In case you've been living under a rock for the last few months, Ben H is the new Bach. Which of course most people are ecstatic about, because, let's be honest, he is insanely hot. Like, I'm pretty sure he keeps getting hotter each time we see him. But you all know I was always pro-Jared and I will not get over Ben being chosen over him. Really. When will Jared find love?!?

But back to Ben. Luckily, before the women arrive, Ben gets some stellar advice from some superstar Bachelor alums- Sean, Chris, and Jason. Are they just here to remind us that Ben H is a million times hotter than previous Bachelors, and therefore actually was a good choice? Chris advises Ben to just kiss everyone, even if it's in front of everyone else, and we are so thankful for the advice from someone with such a successful Bachelor-made relationship. Oh wait...??

The time comes to check out some of Ben's prospects! A personal favorite is Caila, who broke up with her boyfriend after watching Ben come out of the limo last season. Really. From watching a stranger on TV. Winner! And then... these twins. I already want to punch them in the face. It's like the most annoying person you've ever met, but there's two of them, If I was living in the house with them, I would quit the first night just to get the hell away from them. Can't wait for more of that! We also get a psycho dentist, a token single mom, and a freak who can't live without her chickens. WHO IS PICKING THESE WOMEN FOR BEN??? Ben is literally the hottest, nicest, most amazing person the Bachelor has seen in a long time. Maybe ever. The problem last season was that Kaitlyn was literally nowhere near good enough for him, and therefore couldn't pick him. He needs someone absolutely incredible to even get up to his level. So. Come on casting team. Please tell me we have ANYONE worthy. 

The women start arriving at the mansion, and I seriously hate all of them. I don't know if I'm just getting too old for this crap, or if these women's intros are just getting worse and worse. Naturally the girls freak out about seeing the twins, but I mean, really. Are you worried that he is going to marry one of the 22 year old twins from Las Vegas? Because he's not. I am pretty excited about the chick with the mini horse actually, and I can't wait to see what that beast does once it hits 3 AM and it's feeding time. The anti-gluten freak breaking the bread was too much for me, and even worse than the unicorn chick. Finally we get ONE that I really like- Olivia the news anchor. I am pretty sure she's my favorite, and might just be Ben's favorite so far too. She MIGHT just be good enough for him. We will see.

Ben has just enough time for a spontaneous dental exam and a chat with the mini horse, when another limo arrives... SHOCKER of the night- some alums are backkkkk..... Becca the virgin and Amber the (?) are here to meet Ben! First things first- Chris Harrison HAS to know: Is Becca prepared to give her virginity to Ben? If not, just leave now. Apparently Becca is a huge threat, but I'm trying to figure out why.. Yeah she's pretty but I remember her as being kind of a dud. And let's not forget, a virgin.

Meanwhile, Ben shows us yet again how he is literally the greatest person ever. He is the anti-Chris Soules, and decides that he needs to get to know the women before getting physical. Not only that, but he also pulls aside the drunk bitch Lace to make her feel better after their interrupted conversation, so she doesn't have to worry the rest of the night. A great guy even to a drunk bitch! How can you not love that? Later, Ben does what I was hoping he would do, and gives the first impression rose to Olivia, my current fave. Good work, Ben. Now let's send some of these immature crazies home!

The rose ceremony begins and we are ready to cut this group down significantly! Or so we can hope. Early on, he picks some actual decent girls, and things look promising. But we know the producers aren't going to let him cut all the crazies on night one! He does keep both of the twins and we are sooo shocked..... They have to stay for at least another week or two to make it worth it. Becca and Amber both get roses, even though they've already been through this once... ughhhh. But really, who even cares. But the bigger shock- that psycho freak dentist rose-head gets to stay. Clearly that was the producer decision and not Ben's. So I guess we have to get through at least one more week of that weirdo. Can't wait. The final rose of the night goes to drunk Lace, even though she was sureeeee that he didn't even know she was there. And some really nice girls go home instead. What else is new? Lace decides this is the perfect chance to start some drama, and since he didn't make eye contact during the rose ceremony, she might as well go home. I mean, he didn't even look at her. Not even ONCE. Ben can see the drama already developing with her, and hopefully he will be smart enough to see this red flag and do something about it. Soon! But for now, these girls are sticking around.

As always, the previews leave us dying to see what happens this season, and it looks like there will be a TON of girl drama. But what else is new? We can already see that my favorite, Olivia, is possibly going to be a fake, and that Becca may just get another shot at losing the V-card. Can't wait to see how this season plays out. But let's be honest, how will Ben EVER find someone good enough for him?!? Stay tuned for more updates as this SHOCKING season progresses!

P.S. Chris Harrison + Mini Horse  = best relationship this show has ever seen.

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