Monday, July 27, 2015

The Bachelorette Finale: The Inner Douche Reveals Himself!

Is everybody ready for what will surely be a SHOCKING finale??? This is going to be a finale LIKE NO OTHER. Or, it will end the same way as almost every season- a proposal that doesn't actually go anywhere. CRAZY. So tonight we start with Kaitlyn introducing the remaining 2 guys to her family... and they are NOT happy that Nick V. is one of the men. That guy was a DOUCHE on Andi's season, so get him out of here! She confesses to her family about her sex-scapades and I'm like... you just told your dad that?!? Who are you?!? So naturally the family is really excited about Nick being their future in-law. But I'm just betting that everyone will end up telling Kaitlyn that they actually love him at the end of the day and everything will be great! Because nothing is shocking in these finales. I do appreciate that the family keeps asking him why he is here. Because that's what we all want to know.

Nick sits down to talk to the mom, and boy does his acting ability come out! He even busts out the tears when talking about how much he wants to be with her forever! Wow, good work, Nick. He must have taken acting lessons between seasons. The parents give Nick their blessing to propose... if only there was more time to get to know him better maybe they would see the truth...

Well, Shawn has to meet the family the next day, and I guesssssss they will give him a chance too even though they already like Nick........ Kaitlyn tells them he is jealous and that is a BIG red flag. Now they are NOT going to trust him with anything. So Shawn actually blows them away by being way more eloquent than Nick could ever dream to be, and he proves himself to be a great guy right away. The mom decides to bring up the Nick sex scandal to Shawn and I'm sure he's like, really? Don't you want to learn more about ME? He does a great job fending off the ridiculous questions and even the mom starts to tear up. Kaitlyn's sister even tells her that she is Team Shawn, and does anyone else notice how taken aback Kaitlyn is in response? It's as if she doesn't want her family to prefer Shawn because she knows she prefers Nick deep down. Shawn gets the parents' blessing and he seems to be their pick. But that hasn't always convinced Bach's in the past...

Kaitlyn now gets one last day with each man in the romantic and tropical... California! But really. What happened to ABC's budget? Kaitlyn and Nick go out on a boat and talk and as final dates usually are, it's pretty boring since they pretty much just talk all day. But Kaitlyn needs to decide how she really feels about him!!! Nick uses his half unbuttoned shirt to lure Kaitlyn into thinking that the physical relationship is all she needs, but also uses his intellect to compose a gag-me romantic gift that he clearly did not come up with himself. And she can see their future together and knows he is the one! Oh but wait, there's another guy here...

Speaking of that, Shawn's date arrives and Kaitlyn acts awkward as hell. We get the vibe that she is preferring Nick and therefore doesn't know how to treat Shawn... We've seen this before. Instead of being happy and spending a fun time together like she did with Nick, they just sit together awkwardly and barely talk. Great... Kaitlyn keeps freaking out because she knows she will get engaged tomorrow, but she doesn't know to which man. Does everyone else think this is the most insane premise of a show ever? The woman knows exactly when and where she will be engaged, but not sure who the fiance will be. Why has this become the precedent?!? Can't we just end the show by being a normal couple without having to commit to an entire life??? Just ridiculous. Also, when did the precedent become that the final 2 have to give her a meaningful gift that they "handmade" (with the help of the producers)? Anyway, Shawn's gift is way more real and actually meaningful to their relationship than Nick's dumb generic gift. But it's obvious that she likes Nick better. She's all about the physical!!! We all know that.

Kaitlyn is officially stuck because she apparently has no idea what she is going to do and loves them both. Well you have ONE day to get over someone enough that you'll be ready to get engaged to another guy. Good luck!

Well, my favorite thing has happened- BOTH men have picked out rings and both intend to propose, and she did NOT do the decency of letting one go home before he got all excited. Which basically means that one of these men is going to be CRUSHED, and possibly down on one knee when she breaks his heart. SO horrible yet so entertaining! At least Nick finally got to meet Neil Lane! Second time's a charm? It seems as though Kaitlyn has finally figured it out, and the first (loser) limo is arriving... and, OMG is this real...???? NICK comes out! HE'S NOT THE WINNER?!? She lets him talk first, and that means he is going to go through with the proposal.....! What a bitch for letting him do this!!! Stop him!! Or really, don't. He deserves the humiliation. Finally she stops him as he pulls out the ring, but she can't even speak. SO AWKWARD. She better watch out or he will publicly shame her and throw her under the bus like he did to Andi. What a classy guy- he attacks her and insults her feelings and basically makes her feel like shit for not loving him as much as she loves her. Yeah, this will make her change her mind. HIS TRUE COLORS COME OUT. Get this douche out of here once and for good!!! DON'T COME BACK NEXT SEASON. Peace.

Kaitlyn better blow her nose and get someone to clean up her makeup before Shawn arrives. Yikes, not in good shape. That's why you should send them home BEFORE getting all dressed up... Lesson learned. Shawn arrives and we are all ready for a big shocker!!! Right? As promised? Nope, something completely typical happens. Shawn gives a lovely little monologue (that I wonder how many times he practiced... it was pretty well rehearsed), and Kaitlyn can't stop smiling so he must know that she has picked him. OKAY I am such a sucker for this show and I can't stop smiling either when the proposal occurs. He is so sweet! I am actually really happy they are together and hope they will make it in real life! HA. I actually give them a 60% chance of staying together, and that's pretty promising! Good choice, Kaitlyn, at least you didn't pick the douche!

Per usual, this is not over yet! We get to sit through another hour of BS interviews just in the hopes of some kind of *important information* coming out. Should I be reevaluating my life right now?? The apparent main event is Chris Harrison forcing Shawn and Nick to sit together and talk, and boy is this uncomfortable! They don't even make eye contact as they try to explain their feelings towards each other... Chris Harrison even tries to make them hug it out, and the guys are like. Um. No. Chris is also dying to get more detail about Kaitlyn and Nick's prior relationship. What is he getting at? He is trying to get them to admit something but we aren't sure what...? Does he think they had been intimate before the show? Does that matter now? She picked Shawn, move on. Later, Nick asks Kaitlyn why the hell she let him do the proposal before rejecting him, and she's like... valid point. I guess I wanted to embarrass the shit out of you. Sorry, my bad! Finally, Kaitlyn and Shawn make no special announcements, and this officially becomes an hour of wasted time.

But don't worry... BACHELOR IN PARADISE starts Sunday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Finally the real fun begins!!!! Can't wait to see the amazing-ness that is this coming season. Until then!

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