Monday, June 1, 2015

Week 3 Recap: Diapers, Birds, and Sex Ed

The To Be Continued continues! Upon our return, let's first acknowledge that this did NOT need to be a T-B-C episode. Kupah yelled at a producer and Kaitlyn calmed him down and told him to leave. THE END. But apparently Kaitlyn was so shaken by this event that she had to freak out and cry and have a whole sit down with the guys about it... But come on, you've known them like 3 days. Enough dramatics, Kaitlyn. You're supposed to be a comical bad-ass bitch. Anyway, we are starting the episode with last week's rose ceremony (annoying), then we can finally get on with the next set of dates. Side note: Are we going to get a Britt-Brady update tonight? Or is that already over?

I forgot how boring the first few rose ceremonies are... I can't even remember who most of these guys are at this point and I just want more of them to leave. For the final rose, Kaitlyn clearly does what the producers tell her and keeps the creeper Tony around for entertainment value. When we are all just yelling, "send him back home to be with his bonsai trees!!!!". In other news, Kaitlyn is already like hysterically crying from sending home 2 more guys. WHO WE DON'T EVEN KNOW. I did NOT expect this much emotion out of her... this does not bode well for later this season when she actually knows the guys she sends home...

Finally the dates begin, and we start with the men being awoken by some world champ sumo wrestlers banging a gong. Which is kind of amusing. Six guys learn that they will be going on a date with Kaitlyn, sumo wrestling, and they need to wear the traditional garment. So, the guys end up in their little diaper/thongs, and literally everyone's butts (and some crotches) are blurred out. Now it's obvious why Kaitlyn chose this date- she gets to see it ALL already.  They do some warm ups, and actually go up against the real sumo wrestlers. Now, I won't lie, this is extremely entertaining, but how is this a date? It's more like an exhibition. They are still at the mansion, and the other guys are all there watching. There is nothing "date" about this- it is purely just for entertainment. Crazy Tony goes ape-shit on the sumo guy and gets his ass kicked, and then storms off pouting. (Sore loser or just crazy?) Why can't we do something about peace and love??? Can't we just take a boat ride or go sky diving??? Tony just wants to be "non-violent," yet he is acting pretty aggressive about this whole situation. Kaitlyn is desperate to make things right and make him feel more comfortable, but I'm like, JUST SEND HIM HOME. STOP BEING NICE. Clearly if he doesn't want to do anything that you enjoy, he is not right for you!!! Stop feeling bad about your lack of connection to the guys- they cannot all be winners!!! I am really starting to get annoyed at Kaitlyn, in case you couldn't tell. She's not the bitch I was hoping she would be!

So the guys who actually want to have fun head to the exhibition where they will be wrestling in public for a big crowd ...still wearing the diapers. It's interesting to say the least. Meanwhile back at the house, Tony decides to quit walk away on his terms and go home. Good riddance! Go find someone who just wants to go to the zoo and imitate animal noises like you. Later at the evening part of the date, Kaitlyn makes a better connection with Shawn, who I like, and he gets the rose. In other news, Clint decides he is not really into Kaitlyn anymore (and Kaitlyn straight up confronts him about it), but he apparently really likes his relationship with JJ so he wants to stay and explore that a bit more. Hm. Okay.

The next date is planned by Chris Harrison, and Kaitlyn will go with Ben Z. to some creepy basement place where they will be trapped in some terrifying nightmare that they will try to escape? Sounds horrible. But I bet it will bring them closer together when they make it through this together! Apparently Kaitlyn has a paralyzing fear of birds, so of course there are birds everywhere. It's a good thing Ben Z. is so tough, because Kaitlyn is having a panic attack. This is literally the worst experience I could ever imagine, but as expected, they both feel closer after this! Later they finally have a normal date situation where they get to sit and talk, and we learn that Ben Z. hasn't cried in 11 years, even when his mom died. Shoot. I just don't know if that's really a good thing or a bad thing... We'll find out. They have some romantic time in the hot tub and he gets the rose, and I think I do like him. He can stay.

For the final date of the week, Kaitlyn takes some of the guys to an elementary school to be teachers- sex ed teachers... Apparently this is her twisted way to figure out which of these guys is sexually capable...? Again, kind of a weird date, because they are talking about sex to little children. But Kaitlyn admits to us that this is actually a prank and these are child actors, who are purposely asking ridiculous questions. Knowing that, this is actually hilarious and kind of adorable, especially with Ben H. who is super precious while explaining reproduction. Later on, Joshua admits how much of a prude he is, and Kaitlyn loses interest. Clearly we know what she values most in a relationship... no prudes wanted here! Luckily, Kaitlyn gets some good intimacy with Ben H., and later Jared (who even gets asked back to her room!!). Ben gets the rose, but Jared is confident in their relationship anyway.

Meanwhile back at home, Clint and JJ are getting very close to each other... and the other guys are getting weirded out. They spend all their time together, sitting close, lounging in the hot tub, showering together, and playing love songs to each other. Clint kind of admits that he has gotten "too close" to JJ and has found love.. so. Interesting. What will happen, I don't know... Clint decides that he needs to get a rose so that he can spend more time with JJ, but hopefully Kaitlyn won't fall for his BS.  Unfortunately after they talk, Kaitlyn tells us that he has redeemed himself and she kisses Clint, and. Ew. After that, he runs back to JJ to talk shit about the other guys for not being as manly as them. Hm.

Apparently the rest of the night is spent with all the other guys chatting with Kaitlyn and alluding to the house drama. According to her, 13/15 guys tell her what is really going on, particularly with Clint. I mean, Clint and JJ are literally the craziest jerk psycho maniacs I have seen in a while. Once Kaitlyn hears enough, she decides that "Clint is one of the biggest douches in Bachelor history" (I love it) and goes off to speak with him... and then... To Be Continued!  Of course.

Not surprisingly, we have to wait AGAIN for the next rose ceremony to see what happens with Clint and JJ. PLUS, Nick is going to show up next episode, which should be pretty insane. Can't wait to see what happens, and to hopefully see Kaitlyn get some tougher skin! Until then...

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