Monday, June 8, 2015

Week 4 Recap: The D-Bag Returns

We start off tonight's episode with the dramatic conclusion of last week's To Be Continued nonsense (in case you forgot- Clint and JJ are in love, but not with Kaitlyn). Kaitlyn is ready to get Clint out of here, since every other guy has told her what a fake he is, but during their sit-down, all Clint wants to talk about is his relationship with JJ. He continues to spew some more bullshit about how honest and kind he is, and how she just needs to tell him how to fix the problems so he can stay (to be with JJ). Kaitlyn still tells him that she really, really, really likes him (HOW?), but she doesn't trust him. So. Maybe she does have some sense in her. She decides to send him home, and SHIT GETS REAL. No I'm not even joking. She tells the guys to all say goodbye to Clint, and JJ turns on his boytoy and demands an apology in front of everyone for how Clint acted! Needless to say, Clint is NOT okay with his one true love insulting him, and a MAJOR lovers quarrel breaks out. (In case you forgot, this is The Bachelorette, and the first lovers quarrel occurs between two men). These guys are yelling at each other, with their faces inches from each other, and I'm like, are they about to fist fight or have a passionately hateful makeout session? The breakup does not end well, but at least Kaitlyn is 100% confident she made the right decision. Poor JJ ends up hysterically crying during his interview that he lost his one true love- Clint- and the rest of the guys are like uh... get him out k thanks. I think Jared said it best- this was the most dramatic breakup in the history of The Bachelorette. And it was two guys!

Kaitlyn decides she is too emotionally drained to do a rose ceremony, and she wants to keep everyone. UGH get rid of more guys, please!!! The guys are actually kind of pissed about this (JJ staying around), and we were ALL counting on this rose ceremony to weed these guys out. Instead, we are ALL heading to... New York City! Thrilling.

In case we were wondering, New York is actually the perfect place to fall in love. The best way to do this, of course, is to have a rap battle. Since according to Kaitlyn, NYC is the birthplace of hip hop, she has brought Doug E Fresh to help the guys write some raps. These guys are going head to head, and let's be honest, most of them are... pretty white. So, this should be hilarious. JJ confesses that he has never listened to a rap song in his life (not even on the radio?), and he literally only listens to show tunes. We are just learning so much about the real JJ now aren't we? These raps are some of the funniest things ever and I actually give them props- pretty entertaining date.

Meanwhile, guess who just happens to be in the crowd...? Yup, Nick V. He is there with some other Bachelor alums (who I don't recognize..) and acts like a total fucking too-cool-for-school douche to Kaitlyn. Which is obviously super attractive, because Kaitlyn is swooning and losing her mind for him. (In case you don't know, he was obsessed with her on Chris's season and they had a twitter/text friendship blossoming after that season). And now he is here! Because he can't let her get away without meeting her! And he has to sit like a totally douchebag as he tells her that. Ugh. Also, couldn't he have just started at week 1 with everyone else? She clearly likes him, but at this point it is really messed up to bring him in. What will she do??? Fall for Nick's douchebaggery and add ANOTHER guy into the mix? Get out. Kaitlyn brings this up to the guys on the date, and they are of course pissed. Shawn seems super mad that she isn't confident enough in their relationship that she needs to bring someone else in, and I agree! Don't you like these NICE guys?? Or do you prefer D-BAGS? (Can you tell how I feel about Nick?)

Kaitlyn on the other hand still feels conflicted, so she leaves her DATES to go see Nick and MAKE OUT WITH HIM! What are you doing?!? You are losing any respect that anyone has for you! She still hasn't officially decided to keep him, but I think it's clear that she will. Oh by the way, remember how there is a group date going on right now? Because it seems like she spends no actual time with the guys, other than for Justin to tell her that it's okay if she brings Nick in. Oh and of course he gets rewarded for that comment with the group date rose. Thank you for validating my horrendous decisions, Justin! Now I'm gonna go get a new guy and tell you all to fuck off! Side note: In case you didn't know, this begging to join the cast thing happens like every season these days. But everyone else does the right thing and tells them to go back home. Except apparently Kaitlyn...

The next day Kaitlyn has a one-on-one date with Jared, but first, she invites Nick to come see her at  her hair appointment before she goes out. That's not weird. By the way, omg, CRAZY ASHLEY ONION is apparently a hair dresser in New York??? Because she is the one doing Kaitlyn's hair, and somehow becomes the voice of reason in this situation- is it just lust or is it love?? Lust! Get him out! Even with that, Kaitlyn decides that she needs to be selfish and doesn't want to regret this forever, so she tells Nick to come on and join the cast. But don't worry, he's not here to be the villain- he is here for love!

Oh by the way, Kaitlyn needs to head to her DATE WITH JARED now. After that lovely make out session on the street with Nick. Ugh. Anyway, they meet at The Met, both dressed all fancy, and it should be all super romantic, BUT all she can think about is Nick. Nice. So she tries to bring up Nick on her date with Jared, and he is like uh... can we not talk about another guy on our date? K thanks. Jared is such a great guy, and they actually seem really cute together. He even wrote her a poem for goodness sakes! Hopefully she is moving past her Nick obsession, as she gets to go on a helicopter ride with Jared like, next to the Statue of Liberty. Shoot. And it might be working, because she starts to wonder if she even needs Nick there after all... hmmm...

Or not. Because Kaitlyn goes to tell the guys that Nick will be moving in tonight, AND will be part of the rose ceremony. So let's all get ready for the next date! Kaitlyn is taking 5 guys to the theater to sing and dance on Broadway They will be auditioning and only ONE will win a part in the musical Aladdin, and the others will go home to be with Nick... ughhh. So the judges decide that Chris Cupcake is most worthy of joining Kaitlyn on stage later, so the rest of the guys just sit in the audience seats and watch them rehearse. You know what I keep thinking about? All those people who spend their entire lives trying to make it to perform on a Broadway show, and these fools who get to do it, just because they are on a reality dating show. I bet there are some pissed off people out there! Anyway, after the show, Kaitlyn and Chris go walking and end up at the NYE Times Square ball, and he gets the rose. Romantic, cute, but clearly this is not the main event of the night...

Tonight is the night that Nick joins the guys at the hotel... and everyone is just so thrilled! And just as he is heading into the suite... awww SHOCK. To Be Continued. JUST GIVE US A ROSE CEREMONY PLEASE!!! Anyway, looks like next week is just going to be a bunch of pissed off guys complaining about Nick, so don't get too excited. (Is that sex scandal coming soon???)

Oh and by the way, in case anyone forgot, Britt and Brady are still SUPER happy and are going to meet each others families and such. Thank goodness she didn't waste her time as Bachelorette ;) Hoping for more updates next week!

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