Monday, January 19, 2015

Week 3 Recap: Jimmy Kimmel Crashes!

So I am actually kind of excited about this week, because apparently Jimmy Kimmel is crashing, which means this episode will turn into a total shit show.  Sounds amazing.

The first date of the week goes to Kaitlyn, and I am excited, since she is one of the only girls I actually like.  Jimmy Kimmel tells them to prepare for vaulted ceilings and unlimited hors d'oeuvres, and they end up at... Costco.  Which is, by the way, accurate, and also hilarious.  Great start to this one, Jimmy.  Can he plan every episode please?

So Jimmy has them buy like, the entire store full of random stuff and it is kind of adorable and hilarious.  You can tell that Chris is really falling for her, and she is definitely a good choice.  She is funny and cool and seems very normal, which is refreshing among this group of psychos women.  Jimmy interrupts while they are having a little make-out session, and he turns this date into an awkwardly ridiculous night.  Jimmy starts to interrogate Chris and Kaitlyn about the fantasy suite, etc, and I am loving it- this is what we need on this show!  Someone to cut through the bullshit and ask the real questions!  Jimmy shows us that Kaitlyn is the real-deal and they spend the night laughing, which is refreshing.  Chris even has to give her the rose with Jimmy sitting at the table, which is also hilarious.  I love that Jimmy is making a mockery of the show even more than anyone ever has.  Please do this every week!  The date ends with a Jimmy-supervised make-out session in the hot tub, and I just love it. Keep this going!

Come back every week, please!
In other news, as we watch Jillian work out in preparation for her group date, I just can't stop wondering why they ALWAYS have to black out her butt/crotch.  Like, what is showing ALL the time that we can't see?  Fascinating.  Good thing she was training so hard, because this date is a Hoedown Throwdown competition with obstacles/activities from life on a farm.  I'm kind of scared of Jillian, but let's see how this goes...  The girls get to milk some goats then drink it (warm and salty apparently) and last of all, wrestle some pigs.  While this is all going on, Jillian's ass is STILL out (especially as she vault over a fence), and the girls can't stop mentioning it either, so it must be all out there.  (Is it weird that I kind of want to see it?  Just to know what we are really missing...).  Anyway, her training did not pay off, because lactose-intolerant Carly wins the competition and gets some alone time with Chris.  This is probably for the best, anyway...

Later on, Chris ends up kissing, umm, pretty much EVERY girl on the group date, and little immature Mackenzie cannot handle the competition.  Why are you kissing everyone else?  Don't you, like, only like me?  I mean, remember me? Like, hello?  In a rare twist of events, one of the girls (Becca) actually DOESN'T want to kiss him (she's not into rushing things), and I guess that made her stand out, because she got the rose.  Fascinating.  In other news, Crazy Ashley must not have been crazy this week, because she has gotten NO screen time.  Bummer, I was hoping for some more antics!

Anyway, Whitney gets the final date, and apparently they are going to end up wedding crashing... Wow, wild night.  Hope they don't get arrested!  I'm sure this is in no way planned, and they are really doing something risky!  By the way, does anyone else feel like Whitney is on a job interview rather than a date?  This conversation is awful.  So to end the misery, she convinces him to crash this vineyard wedding with her- YOLO!  I am sure no one will recognize Chris and wonder why he is there.  This plan is flawless!  Oh and by the way, they just happen to have formal attire with them, and a fake ring so they can pretend to be engaged, and apparently the cameras will not be following them.  Weird, right? For some reason, Whitney's ability to deceive an entire wedding party is a turn-on for Chris, and they enjoy some romance on the dance floor.  Blah.  She annoys me.  Move on please.

So instead of a cocktail party, there is a pool party today, which is a super fun time for everyone.  Except for Juelia, who takes this chance to bring up her deceased husband.  I know, we do feel bad for her, but this story really brings down the mood of the day.  Chris is like, I'm just trying to see hot chicks in bikinis and kiss a few more girls.  Luckily he is a great guy and comforts her during this insanely depressing story, and we all know he can't send her home now after that.  Man, these other girls are going to look really petty now for crying over getting only 10 minutes with Chris instead of 15.  Well, Britt gets another make-out session and the other girls want in too!  Jade (who??) gets Chris to take her into his house and even gets onto his bed for her own make-out session.  Wow. These girls mean business this season.  Jillian swoops into his hot tub for some time, and I feel like she is just too intense (and man-like?) for my taste.  Luckily the other girls interrupt (or try to), but Jillian won't take the hint and won't leave!  This is getting so awkward and I can't deal with Ashley I.'s tears about this.  Maybe they've all had too many day drinks??  Finally Ashley gets her time, and she spends it crying and acting totally sloppy.  Good thing she is so hot, or else this would be a turn-off for sure.  Thankfully she gets a kiss (awkwardly intense make-out), so that will make her feel better I guess...

It's finally time for the rose ceremony, and luckily Jimmy is there to keep it lighthearted.  But I don't think the eliminated girls will find anything too funny... Ashley I. gets the final rose (duh, haven't they hinted that she will be in the top 3?), and 3 randos are sent home.  I wish more had been eliminated- this is already taking WAY too long to narrow this down.  At the very end of the night, Jimmy is sent home, but I do hope he makes his return soon!  We'll have to wait and see what a regular drama-filled episode is like again next week.  Until then...

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