Monday, February 16, 2015

Week 7 Recap Part 2: The Girls Come Out of Their Shells...

Tonight's episode will finally conclude the Iowa dates, and I can't wait to just get right to the rose ceremony!  But wait, apparently we have to start with Becca's one-on-one date, aka a waste of our time.  They have the most boring date of all time just hanging out in his loft and talking.  Perfect date for such a lame couple!  Chris finds out that Becca has never been in love, but he still doesn't know that she's never made love...  (Is that going to be revealed before the fantasy suite, or is she just gonna lose her v-card on a TV show??)  Chris is still interested though, and knows she is the perfect fit for his low-key-nothing-happens-here lifestyle.  But we already know that she will be top 3, so who really cares what happens tonight.

Meanwhile, Britt has packed her bags and she is ready to leave!  She knows that this is NOT going to work out with Chris because she didn't get the #1 rose last night, and nothing can change her mind!  Well, maybe Chris can change her mind.  I mean, maybe there's like a 1% chance he could change her mind.  So, we'll see.  The other girls are veryyyy skeptical as we all are...  Britt knows that she needs to talk to Chris at the cocktail party, BUT, Chris Harrison reveals that there will be NO PARTY!  She doesn't get a chance to leave with dignity- she is just going to be sent home like common street trash!  She better do something about this, quick.  So she goes ahead and interrupts Chris's speech to have a quick chat with him, and as we all know, she just wants Chris to beg for her to stay.  Britt apologizes and tries to explain herself over and over, but Chris knows that she has been lying, and was disrespectful, and he does not want that type of woman for his wife.  So... he sends her home right then and there!  Well at least she didn't have to sit through a rose ceremony like she had feared!  Britt goes outside and sits in the grass and full-on UGLY cries, as she blames Carly for telling Chris that she was a liar.  Ummm because you are...?  Carly is loving every minute of this, and I hope so much that she gets a rose- I love her little spiteful bitchiness.  She reminds me of myself ;)

Finally the rose ceremony begins, and it is pretty much just as we expected.  Even though Carly was super honest and always had Chris's best interest at heart, she gets sent home.  I mean, it was pretty clear that she was never a front runner and they didn't really have the spark like the other girls, but I still loved her!!  I hope she finds happiness sometime soon (but not as the Bachelorette- she doesn't have the personality to stand on her own for a whole season). 

So it is finally time for hometowns, and I'm wondering what the chances are that we get through all 4 dates AND a rose ceremony in the next hour and a half.  Or are we going to carry over to next week, AGAIN? (FYI- Producers: everybody hates when you do that.  Stop.)  For our top 4 ladies, we have: Becca (virgin, boring, will make a good Iowan housewife), Jade (appears boring but apparently has a secret wild side including a nude past), Whitney (super annoying, loves everything, would drive Chris insane within 2 weeks of living together), and Kaitlyn (hilarious and awesome but would probably GO crazy living in Iowa for 2 weeks). 

The first hometown goes to Becca, and I'm like, didn't we just sit through a whole date with her??  Enough.  Innocent little Becca has never brought a guy home before, so this should be fun.  We find out from the sister that Becca is not an intimate or affectionate person, because she has never wanted that before, and you can just see Chris thinking, what the heck am I getting myself into?? I mean, he's a guy, soooo I'm pretty sure he wants some intimacy in his life, am I right???  All I can think is how incredibly awkward the fantasy suite night is going to be!!!  Chris admits to us that he might just want to be the guy that Becca has been waiting for, so maybe he has some secret desire to take a girl's v-card.  I mean, if that's what does it for him, more power to him.  Maybe this IS the perfect situation for him after all...

Chris's next date takes him to Chicago to see Whitney.  She decides to take him to see her job as a fertility nurse, which she says is a big part of her life.  And I'm like, you realize that if you move to Arlington, Iowa, there will be no job opportunities for you, right?  So you are cool with giving up your life passion for a guy you just met?  I mean, do what makes you happy, I guess.  Whitney tries to get Chris to give her a sperm sample so she can test it, and once it is clear that he is totally freaked out, she tells him that of course it's a big joke!!!  But I feellll like part of her was really hoping he would actually do it so that she could have his sperm to use as she wanted... just saying, I feel like she has that crazy in her.  In related news, I find it pretty ironic that he pointed out the stack of Playboys in the specimen room.  I wonder if Jade's photos were in there...? 

Later, Chris meets Whitney's family and plans to ask her sister for permission to propose, but Whitney is a bit nervous.  Whitney WANTS a proposal at the end of this because she LOVES Chris, but the sister is too overprotective and won't give her blessing until Whitney is the only one left.  I mean... isn't that kind of legitimate?  She tells Chris to call her when he knows for sure, and Chris is a bit off-put by that, but I mean, come on, would you give a marriage blessing to someone dating 4 different girls??  Be real.  Whitney is of course disappointed, but takes Chris back to her place where she breaks out a bottle of wine that was apparently way out of her price range, but that she wanted to split it with her future husband.  And I'm like... aren't you worried that you are possibly about to waste that excellent bottle of wine on someone who is going to dump you soon?  Yikes.  She tells Chris that she loves him and he smiles that big dopey smile, and then I'm sure they enjoyed that great wine!  Hope it was worth it.

Next, Chris goes to visit Kaitlyn, where they are going to hang out at a recording studio and write a rap.  Wait, is she actually a rap artist?  Because she is pretty good, and Chris is AWFUL (shocking, right?).  This is pretty embarrassing for Chris, and I'm starting to feel like they are never really serious with each other.  Not sure if that's a good or a bad thing.  Chris goes to meet the family, but they literally don't even show Chris talking to the family at all.  They are really breezing through this hometown date- this does not bode well for Kaitlyn, I fear.  I hope they actually had some time to chat in real life...  After Chris "meets" her family, Kaitlyn tells Chris how she feels in her own silly way, by displaying on a billboard that she "hearts" him, and apparently that's all Chris needs to know. I do like Kaitlyn a lot, but I am still skeptical of how she would fit into his life... and I'm sure Chris is too.

The last hometown goes to Jade, who can only think about how much she needs to tell Chris about Playboy.  They go to meet the family, who definitely have small town values!  Chris is pretty convinced that Jade is all about the values, but the family keeps hinting otherwise.  They bring up her wild side, her aspirations to be a model, her free spirit.  Chris has only seen her shy side, but apparently she is quite a wild mustang deep down!  It seems like she has a lot to expose about her true self...  Her family definitely doubts her ability to settle down, but Jade insists that being on the show has changed her- she is ready to settle down... as long as she can finally admit the truth to Chris.

Jade finally admits to Chris about her nude photos, and to make it "less" awkward, decides to show Chris some of them...  So... she busts out the laptop and there are the pics!  And a video!  And there's her butt, and her boobs, and ohhhhh my there's more!  Chris is clearly torn between being really turned on and being totally weirded out.  He is definitely surprised but reassures Jade that this is not something that would affect their relationship.  He respects her for who she is!  Yeah yeah, I have a feeling that once he has time to process this (and realizes the fact that guys everywhere will be able to view his potential wife's naked body at any moment), he may reconsider...  But Chris insists that he still respects her, and I mean, he "saw her out of her shell... completely out of her shell" today.  So, I guess in the end, that made them closer... We'll see how this one plays out.

Back in Iowa, it looks like- could it be?!? Are we actually going to have a rose ceremony tonight???  Chris is having a really hard time, but he's ready, so here goes nothing!  The first 2 roses go to Whitney and Kaitlyn (that one is kind of a surprise!), and we already know the last one is going to Becca.  Which means Jade is going home, and I guess those Playboy pics really WERE a deal breaker after all.  Shocking.  This exit really isn't all that sad, probably because Jade has been so boring that nobody really cared too much about her to begin with.  And all I can say is, SHE better NOT be the next Bachelorette- I am not trying to have another Des situation here! Talk about awful.

Well, at this point I'm predicting Whitney or Becca to take it all, depending on what awkwardness goes down next week in the fantasy suite...  They are definitely the most "wife" material, but next week could make a big difference.  Can't wait to see what happens!  Until then...

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