So, the previews on ABC for the past week have been major spoilers, and we already know a) Kelsey gets a rose at the beginning and b) Kelsey and Ashley go on a dramatic 2-on-1. So... I guess we'll see what shocking things happen since half the episode is already spoiled.
We open with the Kelsey "panic-attack" scene (with no other girls caring, of course), and the girls know this is a tactical move. Once she finally "recovers," she asks to see Chris (shock) and even tells the medic, "I'm gonna get a rose tonight for sure." So, yeah. I'm sure this is real! She tells Chris that this is all stemming from him bringing up their talk earlier, just to add on a little layer of guilt. After the attack is over, she comes back into the room with the girls and starts laughing and joking around about what just happened. Most of the girls are just shooting her glares (as am I), but Whitney doesn't think Chris will give her the rose just for this, and I'm like, REALLY? Have you never seen this show?? Kelsey won't shut the hell up about feelings, and I can't tell if she is legit psycho, ridiculously deceptive, or just a horrible bitch. Let's go with, a combination of all of the above. Can we please move past this, I cannot deal with her much longer.
Finally we get to (last week's) rose ceremony, where he keeps Ashley and Kelsey. Wow, SHOCK. Thankfully he finally sends home Mackenzie and that other brunette girl who we don't even know. But, he keeps around Megan (aka that dumbass who thought Sante Fe was a Mexican beach). When will he realize how freaking stupid she is??? I'm assuming this episode. The girls are all pissed (of course) about Kelsey staying and taking another girl's place. (Except Britt, who apparently is like BFF with her- which by the way makes me lose any respect I had for Britt). Can we just get to the dates now, please?
Chris reminds us that he is not here for drama- he is here for fun, and that's why they are headed to--- South Dakota! Apparently THIS is the perfect place to fall in love! Is it, really? (I live in Wyoming so I'm allowed to talk crap about SD, okay). But seriously, every other Bachelor takes the girls around the world, and this is what Chris does? We get it. He's an American farmer.
Meanwhile, Kelsey is feeling really good about her relationship and thinks that telling Chris about being a widow and having a fake-attack earns her the right to have a one-on-one. Unfortunately Chris didn't agree, because the date goes to Becca. Finally we will actually get to know Becca, because all I can remember about her at this point is that she's a virgin. Oh and that she's the only one without a kiss at this point. Here's hoping she isn't too dull!
For this date, they will be going horseback riding through the Black Hills, which I guess is romantic? But like, they aren't even on the same horse! Later, they roast kabobs in a fire pit and laugh about it. Andddd that's pretty much the extent of their date. Becca is nice and they seem to get along well, but whyyy are all of these girls either super boring or super crazy?? They finally kiss (in front of America!), but don't worry, she apologizes to her dad afterwards.
Back at the house, Carly is ready to confront Kelsey for the deceptive bitch that she is. Carly is NOT okay with letting all her BS go, and I am with her. Get it all out there, girls! Whitney and Carly go after her, and (as expected) she plays the victim, has some nervous laughter, cries, and acts confused (oh crap, they are on to me- better work on my acting skills!). She apologizes for being so smart and using big words, and promises to be more mindful of what she says. But man, she needs to get back on track- she came here to win it, after all!
Finally the group date card arrives, which also determines who is going on the 2-on-1 (SHOCK- it's Kelsey and Ashley). Luckily the girls are able to explain to dumbass Megan that she is going on the group date, and a few minutes later she gets excited when she finally understands. So the girls are going to be writing country songs, and Big & Rich show up to help them (is it bad that I had NO clue who they were when they showed up?) Poor Jade is so boring and lame that she cannot do this challenge! Big or Rich helps her get out of her comfort zone, and hopefully Chris will reward her struggle with the rose later! Meanwhile, Chris and Britt basically make out in front of all the other girls, and it makes it a bit difficult for everyone else... I wonder if the girls will freak out about this later??
Chris kicks off the musical performances with a pretty atrocious song, but then he just about cries as all of the girls sing for him. They all try their hardest, and of course the cruise ship singer Carly's was the best (and very beautiful!). Chris had a GREAT day (of course he did- 6 hot girls just serenaded him), but the excitement is not over yet... Later on, everyone gets some alone time with Chris, but Britt gets special time! Chris takes Britt to the Big & Rich concert. Just her. (She doesn't even like country music). This is kind of effing unfair. He then brings out the rose and gives it to her on stage in front of everyone. This is actually a dick move to every other girl. Clearly this was all pre-planned. Like, if you want to marry Britt, just end the show now, let all the other girls get on with their lives, and have fun not showering together for the rest of your lives. They return from the concert and Chris makes things SUPER awkward, and then just walks away. Way to be an ass and then just peace out. Wow. And we can't even be mad at Britt, because there is nothing she can really do either. The other girls are rightfully humiliated by his obvious favoritism, and this is actually getting a little sad. Have a heart, Chris.
In other news, am I the only one who is REALLY excited for this 2-on-1 date? I was afraid that the Bachelor producers had done away with them, because we haven't seen one in many, many seasons. And they are always my favorite- so uncomfortable/awkward/horrible, but we know at least someone goes home. And hey, here's hoping that maybe, just maybe, Chris pulls a Jake Pavelka and sends BOTH girls home. That would just be glorious. Ashley and Kelsey are both super confident, but I actually have my money on Kelsey... unfortunately, she is a lot more deceptive and conniving than "innocent" Ashley.
For their date, the girls go with Chris on a helicopter ride and Kelsey shows off her intelligence by naming the presidents on Mount Rushmore. Wow is she smart! Once they arrive at their destination, Ashley uses her alone time to make out with Chris as much as possible. Oh and she also reveals the truth about Kelsey on behalf of everyone else. Kelsey's alone time is awful and everything she says just feels SO staged and fake. Chris confronts her about the fake accusations, and guess what Kelsey does??? DENY. She insists that she is here to get to know Chris (but hasn't she continuously told the cameras that she is here to win??), so who do we trust??? When Kelsey returns to the tent with Ashley, she spends a few long minutes staring down Ashley as Ashley ignores her, until she finally confronts Ashley about knowing what she did... This Kardashian is just wearing too much make up! She is the fake one, and I am so above her!
So Ashley storms off and runs into Chris, and she gets mad at him for telling Kelsey what she told him- talk about a love triangle of drama! Ashley has a total immature hysterical breakdown and Chris tries to comfort her but also breaks up with her at the same time. He is being totally honest and says they want different lifestyles (true), but Ashley makes the really good point- does he think that BRITT wants his lifestyle? Maybe he should think about that one. Ashley storms off and yells back at him that she tried to warn him, and I think that's another good point. SEND THEM BOTH HOME!!!! Ashley continues to cry her eyes out hysterically as Chris moves on to Kelsey next. And OMG, he is going to pull a Jake!!! He sends them BOTH home and we couldn't have asked for a better outcome. This. Is. Great.
Back at the house, the producers come to get Kelsey's bags and the girls go wild!!! Literally. They are popping champagne and getting sloshed and it is pretty freaking hilarious. Chris flies away in his helicopter, leaving both girls alone in the Badlands, and we are left without a rose ceremony AGAIN. Ugh. At least there will be a rose ceremony to kick off next week, which means Megan will finally be cut loose (but will she even realize it?). Plus, apparently we are already going to get down to the top 3 by the end of next week, so I guess the producers have realized how freaking boring most of the remaining girls are, and things will end quickly from now on. Can't wait to see what happens with next week's double episodes! Until then...