Monday, February 24, 2014

5 Reasons Why Everyone Actually Hates Juan Pablo

Was I right, or was I right?  Juan Pablo is the worst.  Remember that time when everyone was so excited for him to be the Bachelor because he's "so hot"?  Because I'm pretty sure that even ABC has now realized how HUGE of a mistake they made.  Anyone wondering why this week is a "special" 2-night event? Newsflash: It's because even the network wants this season to end ASAP.  Total. Failure.  So, instead of my usual episode recaps, I have compiled a list of reasons from the last few episodes why everyone actually hates Juan Pablo.

1.  He sent Cassandra home on her birthday.  What a dick move.  Yes, it was supposedly a nice thing to do because she has a son and blah blah blah, but you couldn't wait like 12 hours??  He just wasn't feeling it, and it makes sense... I mean she IS only 22 (now)... but come on.  Did he know it was her birthday?!?  She didn't even get to say goodbye to the other girls, especially her bestie Renee.  How rude!

2.  He confuses chemistry for being a good mother.  One word- Sharleen.  He kept Sharleen around even when she didn't even like him.  How many times did she get the group date rose??  How many make out sessions did they have?  She didn't even like him!  She was constantly doubting her feelings- like the female version of Brooks.  She doesn't want kids, and all they ever did together was make out. But for some reason, he really thought she was the one... You know you need more for a wife/mother than a make-out partner, right?  Thank goodness she finally bit the bullet and left, because how awkward would that final proposal be if she was the last one standing??

3.  He is a huge hypocrite.  We first met him as this hot Latino heartthrob, but then the show tried to portray him as a loving dad.  So of course he tried to make it seem like his daughter was his priority (at first, anyway).  But then as soon as he really started getting into the show, he let the penis do the picking and started making out with everyone he was interested in.  Are you seriously looking for your wife, because literally all we see you doing is make out with these women.  Last week, he shockingly sent home the one woman who he HADN'T made out with yet- Kat.  Could it be because he hadn't gotten enough action from her yet???  But seriously, either be a full-time good dad, or be a sexy heartthrob, but don't switch roles every other day.

4.  Overreact, much?  That whole Clare drama was ridiculous.  In case you forgot, they swam in the ocean like immature children and then JP regretted it because of his daughter.  Again, what a hypocrite, and what a drama queen (Juan Pablo, not Clare).  I'm pretty positive they didn't even do the deed, but he wanted to make a big deal about it because he felt guilty about what it looked like.  This dragged on for way too long, as Clare needed an apology for his overreaction since all she wanted to do was go swimming!  But apparently Juan draws the line at making out with every woman, and making out in a waterfall (as long as it's not 4am).  You are not an upstanding guy, so just own your actions.

5.  Doesn't he just give off the creep-vibe?  Anyone wondering why the parents are all so skeptical?  Because they pick up on the vibes!  Maybe it's the language barrier, maybe it's the fact that he's a father/sex-symbol, maybe it's the awkward salsa dancing in front of Andie's mom, but I cannot get on board.  I am on the same page with Andie's and Clare's families- they aren't just protective- they are normal and therefore see the weirdness in him.  Plus, from what I've seen and heard, something sketchy is going down with him tomorrow night in the Fantasy Suite.  If Andie is cursing him out in the previews, we know something shady happens.  I wouldn't be surprised though- I'm telling you, look out for the signs and you'll feel the creep-vibe too!

At this point, I hope NONE of them stay around for the final rose.  In fact, I am actually glad that he eliminated Renee because she does not need this loser in her life (and her son's life!).  I suppose Nikki or Clare would be fine since they are both pretty crazy, but Andie needs to run for the hills.  Here's to hoping that this disaster of a season ends QUICKLY and Andie becomes the next Bachelorette.  Next season, please!

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