Monday, July 22, 2013

Men Tell All: Meet Juan Pablo!

Tonight the men will tell all about their experiences this season, and one guess what the main topics of conversation will be!  Ben. James. The end.  It should be plenty dramatic, and hopefully we will see some man tears!  So here we go...

First, we get to see Des and Chris Harrison crashing some Bachelorette-watching parties, and again I am royally jealous.  Come to my house and drink wine with me as I blog shit about you!  They also meet up with Ashley and JP to crash some of the parties and I die.  Trista and the Mesnicks join in too as they all ride together on a party bus and I am beyond jealous now.  What did these people do to earn this party?!  Hook me up, ABC! 

Next, we see Des meet up with some former Bachelorettes (Ashley, Emily, and Ali) for some advice on what to say to the guys.  Love the publicity for former Bachelorettes, ABC!  But with 2/3 of them having failed relationships, should we really be talking to them?  Like, Dear Emily, you are a crazy bitch who ruined a perfect relationship with Jef, and you should not being doling out any advice.  Ali tells Des that Ben didn't seem that bad (until the end), and I agree!  She tells Des when to put the guys in their places, and I love it.  We'll see what Des actually does...

Okay, time for the men, finally.  We get reintroduced to many of the guys that we don't even remember, and of course some that we love.  Ben and James both get boos from the crowd, but come on now, they brought us so much entertainment!  First we recap all the drama from 24 men competing for one woman.  Man I forgot about some of this stuff! #fantasysuitefail anyone?? Chris Harrison asks Jonathan about that (as Michael says, no one even remembered him), and he apologizes for taking it too far.  Next, we find out that Brian chose not to come to defend his girlfriend drama, but we'll talk about him anyway.  Take that, Brian!  Everyone agrees that his scheme to come on that show with a girlfriend was a bad plan (oh, really?), but honestly he wasn't even on the show long enough for us to care, so let's get to the good stuff!

Chris Harrison has Ben join him in the hot seat, and we remember his adorable son and the great first impression.  He really was one of my favorites at first! Chris asks him to explain those awful things he said in the limo on his way out.  Legitimately, he was pissed when he was eliminated after being attacked for the entire day, and I would probably have said some bad things too.  Am I a sucker for believing him??  The guys all talk about how he was different off camera, so I guess we just didn't see the bad stuff.  One of the randos accuses Ben of using his son, since apparently the baby mama came up to him and Vegas and told him the "truth" about everything.  That's super random, but I guess we should believe him??  At the end of the day, I don't hate him, and I am over the drama.  But guess who I DO hate???

James, James, James.  Time for the hot seat... We get to see a recap of his great acting skills from this season, and we'll see if the acting will continue tonight...  He explains what really happened in that car with Mikey, and again pins it all on Mikey.  It was just a conversation between real men!  I feel like we need to get Mikey up here...  He continues to insist that he was really in love with Des, and he was just being bullied.  Okay.  Finally Mikey gets to share his take on this, and explains that they were both just venting about not getting the group date rose.  They were just talking about what they would do if they weren't picked.  Okay.  Kasey tries to explain again what he heard and Mikey is NOT having it.  He gets up out of his seat and comes at Kasey and I am a bit scared he is going to physically attack him!  Mikey is NOT happy to be on the cover of Us Weekly as a player!  Really? You don't love that free publicity?  Sure.  Chris Harrison asks James if he would want to be the next Bachelor.  Of course he would- do you know how much money/free stuff they get??  But please, ABC would never do that- we need someone likeable!

Next up, we spend some time with Juan Pablo.  Am I the only one who thinks it is weird that he was barely even on the show, yet he is one of the main contributors tonight?  I get it, he is super hot and sexy, but can we even understand what he says?  And what are his other attributes?  Maybe we will find out tonight.  Chris Harrison even seems mystified as to how he became the fan favorite with so little screen time.  We watch a recap of his time on the show, and okay, he is an adorable/hot/sexy dad and Latin lover all rolled into one.  Why didn't he get more screen time so we could have made a better judgment about him??  We find out just how much he loves his daughter, and that it is hard to date when he has her on the weekends.  He explains that he is a father first and not the stereotypical Latin lover.  He is so sweet... ughhh why didn't we see this side of him on the show???  He would have been a front runner for sure.  Here is hoping that he finds real love!!
The real star of this season... who knew??
Next we get to talk with Zak about his failed quest for love.  We watch a recap of all the different sides of him, and of course his spontaneity!  Poor Zak actually is a really good guy and just wants to find love, and I start to actually feel bad for him.  We also find out that Zak left Des a journal with a secret message/poem written in invisible ink, and Chris Harrison decides to read it aloud.  Geez, shouldn't that be a private thing??  It is actually really romantic, and I am sure Zak will find love after this!!

Oh Des, you were so happy when this thing started..
Finally, Des comes out to confront the guys!  First Chris brings up the #fantasysuitefail and Des apparently throws up in her mouth just remembering that.  Dang.  Jonathan apologizes, and I think he has the most regret (and least time in the house) of any guy this season.  Chris then goes to Ben, and Des admits that she thought he was insincere a lot of the time.  She calls him arrogant and he admits that he does regret things he said.  Then we go to James, who continues to blame everything on the other guys, but after watching the show, Des realized that she was being manipulated by him. Good for you for figuring that out!  Des gets another chance to talk to good ole Juan Pablo, and all he wants to know is why he never got a one-on-one date.  Seriously.  Though she still thinks he is muy caliente!  Next, Des gets to talk to Zak again, and guess what?  He wrote a song for her!  All the women in the world fall in love with him even more, and Des tears up.  Maybe he will get a record deal out of this!  More free publicity!  Women in the audience, by the way, are crying.  Really? It's not THAT emotional- she clearly liked 3 other guys more!

Finally the show wraps up with some humorous bloopers and of course previews of the 2-part finale!!  Apparently, the season will end differently than any other season, but don't they always say that?  But Chris Harrison insists that he REALLY means it this time!  There is going to be so much crying in the last 2 episodes that I can't even handle it.  I really feel like she is going to end up with nobody.  Come on!  All this for nothing?!  I am dying to find out what happens, and I hope that ABC is just really good at editing to make it seem like they all lose.  We'll see next week!  Until then...

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