Monday, August 5, 2013

Finale Part 2: Worst Bachelorette Ever.

Okay, before I even start.  Tonight we have THREE hours of this show.  Now, I know this is typical for the show's final episode, but do we really need THREE hours for this ending?  This means two hours of Des explaining to the final guys that she is giving up, and then another hour of her explaining why.  I think I speak for everyone in the world when I say: 30 minutes would be sufficient for this.  But of course, ABC needs to drag this crap out.  Can't wait to see what fun they have in store for us...  "Tonight, on the Bachelorette: Des cries for two hours."

We start with Des reminding us that Brooks broke her heart, in case we forgot, and guess what??? She's crying!  She sits down for a heart-to-heart with Chris Harrison, and continues to cry.  This. Is. The. Worst.  Already.  She says that she just wants to go home, and I'm like, please do!  End it now!  Chris Harrison then reminds us that there are two other guys (GREAT guys) that she has forgotten all about.  Remember when you said how much you liked them??  Are you going to keep being a bitch and just act like they don't exist?  Or pretend you still like them?  We all know you can never love anyone like you love Brooks, so just end it now.  She insists that she has no clue what she is going to do, but I think we all know...

The show drags on, and Drew and Chris pull up for the rose ceremony.  So wait, this is the 2nd to last one?  Aren't there only 2 guys left?  Is this really necessary?  Des comes out to talk to the guys, and cries a bit more as she explains the situation.  This is painful.  She continues with the rose ceremony and asks that the guys only accept if they really love her.  Like BROOKS SHOULD HAVE.  More hysterical crying.  Both guys accept their roses, shock, and I cannot believe she is letting this go on. Stop playing with their hearts!  We know you don't love them like you should!  Both of these amazing guys love her so much and feel so sorry for her sadness and I can't watch. She doesn't deserve them!!!

At this point I'm just like, can we skip to the end and find out who the next Bachelor will be?  Chris Harrison leads a discussion with the live studio audience, and now I know why this is going to last so many hours.  Good work dragging this out with meaningless commentary, ABC!  I wish I was further ahead in my DVR and could fast forward through all this.  But instead, I'll just keep sipping my wine...

Back in Antigua, Des decides that she does want to continue on, now that she knows how much they like her.  May as well try to find some sparks!  Please. You are the worst.  She isn't ready to introduce them to her family though, since she is just not ready for that after the Brooks incident.  She is spending the day with Drew who loves her so so so much, and she just acts like a bitch the whole time.  She is not feeling it.  Maybe because you are still depressed about Brooks!  This date is so awkward, she is not in love with him, and I hate her so much.  She finally decides to have a talk with him and I am not happy about this.  She starts to cry again as she tries to explain her feelings.  UGH I hate you.  Drew is the sweetest, hottest, most loving guy ever and you do not deserve him.  She tells him that she cannot be 100% for him, and once he watches these episodes, he will see why.  She is the WORST.  Poor Drew is trying to figure this all out as Des apologizes.  He has been so honest while she has been a dirty liar acting like she wants a future with him.  Drew takes it so well and is such a man and I LOVE him.  He will find someone amazing because HE is amazing.  He says goodbye (I am pretty sure he is just in shock), and he is so freaking classy.  Hey Des, why don't you cry some more about what a horrible person you are??  Drew still thinks she is so amazing, but just wait until he watches these episodes.  He won't feel so bad after seeing the truth.  We love you, Drew!!

Well, Des is down to one last guy, who happens to be my favorite.  Time to break Chris' heart, too!  It is clear that Des has lost her spark and isn't even excited to see him, the way she used to be.  Get over Brooks, please.  Chris is literally perfect in every way, so don't please don't be a horrible bitch.  Des does appreciate how much Chris cares about her, and she finally realizes that there is another great guy here besides Brooks.  She is actually smiling again and looks happy, so maybe she is not being awful anymore?? If only Chris knew the reality though...  She likes him enough, but nobody can live up to Brooks!  Please.  Des tells us that today was amazing with Chris, and this change is hard to accept.  How could it not be??? Having fun with someone other than Brooks???  They sit down for a romantic dinner, and poor Chris has no idea how much he has been played.  Chris is so freaking adorable and perfect, and I don't even want him to end up with her at this point.  He deserves way better!!!  Chris asks if he can meet her family, and Des admits that she does want to introduce him to them, which I guess is nice... Later, Chris gives her a journal because of their little notes/poems back and forth, and I love him.  If she breaks his heart, she is dead.  HE IS PERFECT!!!  Has Des finally realized that Chris is the most amazing guy in the world, and way better than Brooks???  She cries to the camera because she doesn't know what it feels like to feel loved, and regrets that she didn't love Chris from the beginning.  You. Bitch.  NOW you realize how great he is??  After you almost quit the show because of another guy??  You are the worst.  Have I mentioned that?

Des and Chris are going to hang out with Des' family, and Chris is nervous about meeting the douche brother.  I would be too!  They have an intense session of grilling him, and he is handling it nicely.  It is kind of awkward, because it is all in front of Des, and they keep asking about his feelings about the future and other guys. Especially the brother!  Just don't call him a playboy, please!  Chris gets some alone time with her dad, and asks for permission to propose.  He is so freaking adorable and I love him even more.  He gets permission, but I am so nervous about what that bitch will do to him!  At this point, Des knows that he will propose, and has to decide whether or not she will accept.  She has a heart-to-heart with the douche brother, and admits that she is ready to marry him at this point.  But when she asks the brother if he has any concerns, he says yes, and she makes the greatest face in response.  Not again!  He just wants to make sure she is over Brooks, and he is just being honest!  He does like Chris, but we need to make sure she is truly over Brooks.  Don't break Chris' heart!!!

Finally, Chris is ready to propose, but is not sure what is going to happen.  That has got to suck.  Wouldn't it be nice to know that the girl you love will say yes to your marriage proposal??  He goes to pick out the ring with good old Neil Lane, and I am so nervous for him.  I just want HIM to be happy!  In other news, remember how he doesn't even know that Drew is long gone??  You're not even competing against anyone!  You are only competing against the memory of a former contestant.  Oh Des, you do not deserve this.  Have I mentioned that?  Apparently Des still doesn't have a clue what she is going to do, minutes before the proposal, and that does not bode well for the future.  Is she going to tell the truth about Brooks and make him change his mind?? Oh lord, what is going to happen?

Des arrives ready for the final rose ceremony in a dress that is far too large in the bust and even as depressing as this potential rejection is going to be.  Chris arrives, and Des gives a half smile, which does not bode well.  Chris gives a heartfelt speech which literally kills me, and I am so in love.  But as he goes to get down on one knee, she stops him.  Oh lord.  Oh God.  Stop. She has some things to say too.  She explains that he is the only one left, but that she was torn apart by Brooks.  She tells him that Brooks blinded her to what was right in front of her, which is him, and she says that she loves him!  A little more hysterical crying, and they both actually look so happy.  Finally he is able to get down on one knee and propose, and the tears are flowing!  In a shocking twist of events, she says yes, and I will admit, I actually am kind of happy for her.  I still hate her for all the Brooks crap, but I love Chris so much that I cannot help but smile.  I just hope that he can look past the stupid drama, but I am sure he will be able to because he is such a classy, amazing guy...  Love Chris!!

Well it appears that ABC fooled us all!  Making it seem like Des was going to end up alone... that skillful editing!  I can't decide if I am happy or not.  I mean, she was the worst ever.  She is still engaged to Chris, who I LOVE, but I am not sure how this will last.  What happens when he sees how this whole thing went down?  She was such a bitch those last few weeks!  Hopefully she has been better since then... Chris deserves the best!  On the After the Rose special, it is time for Chris Harrison to get down to the truth.  He brings up Brooks over and over, and guess what?  He is there to face her!  Can't wait to see how this goes...

First of all, Brooks changed his hair a bit, and looks WAY hotter.  Uh oh, Des, he is looking good...  This is kind of awkward.  Can we just move on and be happy about Chris, please?  Des breaks it to Brooks that she is now engaged to Chris (so awkward), and Brooks acts shocked.  Like he wasn't eying that ring on her finger?  Please.  He knew.  Next, Des has to face Drew, and I cannot bear it.  He is too sweet to be hurt like this!  Drew is looking FINE tonight, and we find out that he is still recovering from all this.  We love you!  Drew is SO classy and admits that he is so happy for her, and I still would love for him to be the next Bachelor!  Next, Chris comes out to be with Des for the first time in public, and I fall in love with him all over again.  Love him!!!  Des tells us that she will be moving to Seattle to be with him, and I am actually glad it is working out.  Finally, Chris presents a gift/poem to Des, and we all fall in love with him all over again.  Des, you better be good to Chris, because he is literally the best ever.  I DIE. Do NOT mess this up, Des!

FINALLY it is time to find out who the next Bachelor will be!!!  And, oh no, it is Juan Pablo.  I had a feeling.  I mean.  Ugh.  I have mixed feelings.  Yes, he is insanely hot and Latin and athletic and a loving dad.  But, ugh.  He had hardly any screen time this season and we hardly know him, outside of him being hot as Hell.  I should have known when ABC made the Men Tell All special all about him, but I do not think this will be good.  He will not find a real love, I am fairly certain.  I am sure I will have more thoughts about this, so stay tuned for my reaction to this news!  Hopefully after this awful season, next season will be better, and I hope for the best!  I can't wait to see what happens, and I know you are all excited too... Until then!

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