Monday, July 29, 2013

Finale Part 1: Is This Still a Fairy Tale?

Tonight is part one of the 2-part finale event and I am so nervous!  I know something crazy/probably bad is going to happen and I am worried for my faves!  To recap: Brooks, Chris, and Drew are left.  My top pick is definitely Chris, but I also like Drew a lot.  Des is leaning towards Brooks for sure, but anything can happen.  We will definitely be seeing some tears tonight...  But Des reminds us yet again that this IS a fairy tale!

After a recap of all of the drama and heartaches, it's time for some fun in Antigua!  (Which by the way was our honeymoon destination, which makes me even more excited!)  But first, Des has to remind us about her feelings for all of the guys, and again she makes it clear that she loves Brooks, and only likes the other guys.  She is clearly only looking to him as the winner, but he still isn't feeling the same way- this is going to be bad.  Ten bucks says that Brooks breaks her heart... so sad.

But before the Brooks drama comes Des' overnight date with Drew.  They decide to take a drive around the island to explore, and I fall in love with Drew even more.  Des loves how hot he is, but he is also the sweetest guy in the universe.  I die.  They check out a local festival where they join in some limbo and dance with maracas.  They have a romantic picnic and are literally so freaking adorable together.  Drew!  I wish you could hear me squealing right now.  Love!!  Drew reveals to us that he would get down and propose today if he could, but stupid Des is probably still only thinking about Brooks.  Maybe the fantasy suite will change her mind...  A little rain can't keep Drew down!  Since it has washed away their beach dinner, they may have to get to the suite a little early...  Shockingly, he accepts the invitation to spend the night with her, and she is in for a good night I'm sure...  As they chat, Drew straight up tells her that he is going to propose and that he has a ring picked out, and I really hope she does not break his heart.  Drew loves you, Brooks doesn't!!  Can't you see how perfect he is???  Des does tell us that she wants to give him the world, but I guess for tonight, she can at least give him something else...  Yeah, fantasy suite!

Back to Brooks, who is trying to decide if he loves Des or not?  Des thinks it is so obvious that he loves her, but obviously NOT.  He decides to go back home to talk to his family, who will hopefully help him figure out his true feelings.  Brooks.  If you do not know yet, don't waste our time!  Drew and Chris know their love!  Brooks admits to his family that he would not really want to propose at the end of this, so clearly he is not feeling it.  They all realize that he has too many doubts, but he is afraid to admit that he doesn't love her.  Well duh, you are going to break her heart with this realization!  At least he is being honest and isn't going to propose to someone without knowing if it is right...  But this will crush her!  She does NOT have the same doubts as you.  But maybe this means she'll go running to Chris or Drew now...

Speaking of Chris, he has arrived in Antigua for his date, and I cannot wait.  They are taking a helicopter ride around the island and they are just too precious.  Next, they have an adorable picnic on the beach, in their bathing suits, and I am diggin it.  This beach in-the-waves make out session is super hot, and yes Des, you are lucky.  Chris! Talk about chemistry.  Show me more!  Later on at dinner, they decide to chat about the future.  Dundundun...  Chris asks her if she would be willing to move to Seattle for him and I am nervous about that!  Thankfully she says they can make it work anywhere, because she is ready to settle down.  Chris is so happy that she is willing to move to Seattle, and I'm glad they are at least having this conversation.  Enough of these Bach couples not even living together after the show.  They chat some more and have such a connection and I love it.  Have I said this before?  He is literally the perfect man.  Finally Chris gets the invite to the fantasy suite, and like a gentleman he says he wants to spend more time with her, no expectations.  Okay... clearly your chemistry will be bubbling over tonight!  Chris brings out one last poem to really get her in the mood, and they are ready for some alone time.  They make out a little in the hot tub, and I'm like, get these cameras out!  We all know what is going to happen next!

Finally it is time for Brooks' date, and stupid Des thinks that Brooks is going to get down on one knee today.  And she is ready to say yes today.  What a bitch thing to say- the other guys are great too!  It's time to see her get crushed.  Badly.  Before the date, Brooks needs some alone time with Chris Harrison for some bro talk.  He's such a good counselor.  Chris asks if he is unsure or flat out not in love, and whether or not some time in the fantasy suite would help clear things up.  Oh Chris.  Brooks says that if he doesn't feel it at this point, then she is not the love of his life.  Fair.  Chris Harrison is not satisfied with that answer, and needs Brooks to describe the feeling he would need to feel.  He just doesn't have it, okay!  Give it up and let him go!  Chris pries even deeper- is this because your parents are divorced? Are you just not ready for love?  No!  He just isn't feeling it!  Now let him go break her heart already!  So wait, you are not afraid to commit, you are just not into Des?  How does that weigh on you?  These daggers in the heart from Chris Harrison just won't stop!  He feels bad enough without you "clarifying" his feelings like this.  Chris gives him some final advice to be honest, but we all know this will be bad.  Drama!

Des is so excited and ready for a proposal, but she is about to get hit by a bus instead.  Des can instantly sense something is wrong and is starting to freak out.  They both start to tear up before he can even get the words out, and this is so uncomfortable!  He tells her that he wants to be in love with her, but that he doesn't feel that way, especially when he is away from her.  She cries hysterically and I can't handle it.  She asks why he is telling her this now, and he honestly says he didn't know until now.  Fair.  It's not like he was the last guy left and rejected you!  Not everyone is in love with you, so maybe just go focus on the guys who ARE!  He tries to console her, and she pushes him away.  This crying is getting out of control and really awkward.  Can we shut this off now?  Enough.  Des finally tells Brooks that she loves him and that she does not love the other guys, and this makes Brooks freak.  She was going to tell him that today!  This. Is. Bad.  In other news, she must be wearing all waterproof makeup, because it is still fully intact.  Good work, makeup artists!  Des complains some more about how nobody ever loves her back, and that she has never felt completely loved before.  Hello??? What about those other two GREAT guys that DO love you?  What a bitch.  She finally tells him, "It just sucks that I loved you."  Love it.  She doesn't care that he just broke her heart- she loves him.  Des.  This is all you need to know.  Six words:  He's just not that into you.

Finally they stop hugging and go for a little walk, and it seems like Brooks is starting to feel really bad.  Is he regretting this??  Apparently throughout the entire season Des has been lying to the guys and us, and she never actually liked anyone else.  She only ever wanted to be with Brooks, and she's just been playing everyone else.  What a bitch!  You clearly had your mind made up from week one and just faked it with the other guys. Newsflash: the show is not over and you have two guys left.  Let's see if they even want you now that they know you never wanted them in the first place.  Des does everything she can to make Brooks feel worse than he already does, and I am over her.  You lost ONE guy.  Get over it and be nice to the other guys you have left.  Ugh.  Over you.  I hope you end up alone and that Chris gets a perfect woman way better than you!

Brooks can't bear to leave, and hangs out alone crying, as Des sits on the pier crying alone.  Have I mentioned that I am over this?  30 minutes of crying is more than I can watch in one sitting.  Brooks hopes she is in love with Chris or Drew, but I hope she gets nobody after being so selfish.  Des admits that she doesn't love either of them enough, and that it is over for her.  Well then.  Why do we have a show next week?  To watch her reject the two amazing guys she has left?  This season is clearly a bust, and all I can hope is that Drew or Chris becomes the next Bachelor so we can see them find someone who is not a selfish bitch.  Can't wait to see the sobfest next week!  Get ready for the lamest finale in Bachelor history...  I know I am.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Men Tell All: Meet Juan Pablo!

Tonight the men will tell all about their experiences this season, and one guess what the main topics of conversation will be!  Ben. James. The end.  It should be plenty dramatic, and hopefully we will see some man tears!  So here we go...

First, we get to see Des and Chris Harrison crashing some Bachelorette-watching parties, and again I am royally jealous.  Come to my house and drink wine with me as I blog shit about you!  They also meet up with Ashley and JP to crash some of the parties and I die.  Trista and the Mesnicks join in too as they all ride together on a party bus and I am beyond jealous now.  What did these people do to earn this party?!  Hook me up, ABC! 

Next, we see Des meet up with some former Bachelorettes (Ashley, Emily, and Ali) for some advice on what to say to the guys.  Love the publicity for former Bachelorettes, ABC!  But with 2/3 of them having failed relationships, should we really be talking to them?  Like, Dear Emily, you are a crazy bitch who ruined a perfect relationship with Jef, and you should not being doling out any advice.  Ali tells Des that Ben didn't seem that bad (until the end), and I agree!  She tells Des when to put the guys in their places, and I love it.  We'll see what Des actually does...

Okay, time for the men, finally.  We get reintroduced to many of the guys that we don't even remember, and of course some that we love.  Ben and James both get boos from the crowd, but come on now, they brought us so much entertainment!  First we recap all the drama from 24 men competing for one woman.  Man I forgot about some of this stuff! #fantasysuitefail anyone?? Chris Harrison asks Jonathan about that (as Michael says, no one even remembered him), and he apologizes for taking it too far.  Next, we find out that Brian chose not to come to defend his girlfriend drama, but we'll talk about him anyway.  Take that, Brian!  Everyone agrees that his scheme to come on that show with a girlfriend was a bad plan (oh, really?), but honestly he wasn't even on the show long enough for us to care, so let's get to the good stuff!

Chris Harrison has Ben join him in the hot seat, and we remember his adorable son and the great first impression.  He really was one of my favorites at first! Chris asks him to explain those awful things he said in the limo on his way out.  Legitimately, he was pissed when he was eliminated after being attacked for the entire day, and I would probably have said some bad things too.  Am I a sucker for believing him??  The guys all talk about how he was different off camera, so I guess we just didn't see the bad stuff.  One of the randos accuses Ben of using his son, since apparently the baby mama came up to him and Vegas and told him the "truth" about everything.  That's super random, but I guess we should believe him??  At the end of the day, I don't hate him, and I am over the drama.  But guess who I DO hate???

James, James, James.  Time for the hot seat... We get to see a recap of his great acting skills from this season, and we'll see if the acting will continue tonight...  He explains what really happened in that car with Mikey, and again pins it all on Mikey.  It was just a conversation between real men!  I feel like we need to get Mikey up here...  He continues to insist that he was really in love with Des, and he was just being bullied.  Okay.  Finally Mikey gets to share his take on this, and explains that they were both just venting about not getting the group date rose.  They were just talking about what they would do if they weren't picked.  Okay.  Kasey tries to explain again what he heard and Mikey is NOT having it.  He gets up out of his seat and comes at Kasey and I am a bit scared he is going to physically attack him!  Mikey is NOT happy to be on the cover of Us Weekly as a player!  Really? You don't love that free publicity?  Sure.  Chris Harrison asks James if he would want to be the next Bachelor.  Of course he would- do you know how much money/free stuff they get??  But please, ABC would never do that- we need someone likeable!

Next up, we spend some time with Juan Pablo.  Am I the only one who thinks it is weird that he was barely even on the show, yet he is one of the main contributors tonight?  I get it, he is super hot and sexy, but can we even understand what he says?  And what are his other attributes?  Maybe we will find out tonight.  Chris Harrison even seems mystified as to how he became the fan favorite with so little screen time.  We watch a recap of his time on the show, and okay, he is an adorable/hot/sexy dad and Latin lover all rolled into one.  Why didn't he get more screen time so we could have made a better judgment about him??  We find out just how much he loves his daughter, and that it is hard to date when he has her on the weekends.  He explains that he is a father first and not the stereotypical Latin lover.  He is so sweet... ughhh why didn't we see this side of him on the show???  He would have been a front runner for sure.  Here is hoping that he finds real love!!
The real star of this season... who knew??
Next we get to talk with Zak about his failed quest for love.  We watch a recap of all the different sides of him, and of course his spontaneity!  Poor Zak actually is a really good guy and just wants to find love, and I start to actually feel bad for him.  We also find out that Zak left Des a journal with a secret message/poem written in invisible ink, and Chris Harrison decides to read it aloud.  Geez, shouldn't that be a private thing??  It is actually really romantic, and I am sure Zak will find love after this!!

Oh Des, you were so happy when this thing started..
Finally, Des comes out to confront the guys!  First Chris brings up the #fantasysuitefail and Des apparently throws up in her mouth just remembering that.  Dang.  Jonathan apologizes, and I think he has the most regret (and least time in the house) of any guy this season.  Chris then goes to Ben, and Des admits that she thought he was insincere a lot of the time.  She calls him arrogant and he admits that he does regret things he said.  Then we go to James, who continues to blame everything on the other guys, but after watching the show, Des realized that she was being manipulated by him. Good for you for figuring that out!  Des gets another chance to talk to good ole Juan Pablo, and all he wants to know is why he never got a one-on-one date.  Seriously.  Though she still thinks he is muy caliente!  Next, Des gets to talk to Zak again, and guess what?  He wrote a song for her!  All the women in the world fall in love with him even more, and Des tears up.  Maybe he will get a record deal out of this!  More free publicity!  Women in the audience, by the way, are crying.  Really? It's not THAT emotional- she clearly liked 3 other guys more!

Finally the show wraps up with some humorous bloopers and of course previews of the 2-part finale!!  Apparently, the season will end differently than any other season, but don't they always say that?  But Chris Harrison insists that he REALLY means it this time!  There is going to be so much crying in the last 2 episodes that I can't even handle it.  I really feel like she is going to end up with nobody.  Come on!  All this for nothing?!  I am dying to find out what happens, and I hope that ABC is just really good at editing to make it seem like they all lose.  We'll see next week!  Until then...

Monday, July 15, 2013

Week 8 Recap: The Brother is Back

Home town dates!!  I cannot wait to see what crazy shenanigans will ensue with these guys' families, and who will make the best connection.  Obviously I am rooting for Zak to go home, but we will see...  Oh, and Des' douche brother will be here this week to add a little extra drama to the episode.  I can't wait to hopefully see a repeat of last season!

First up we go to Zak's home, and he warns us that his family is crazy.  Even more crazy than he is.  Apparently his sister may be a little nerve-wrecking to meet, so hopefully this will get awkward.  First, Zak tells Des about a dream he had the night before, which by the way made no sense and was actually crazy, but Des is so positive about his adventurousness anyway!  Next, Zak rolls up in a sno-cone truck, which apparently his family owns?  Is this their life's work?  Zak is so "spontaneous" as he brings Des in the truck to an elementary school where there just happen to be 50+ kids waiting for sno-cones.  They all just randomly showed up!  Zak then changes into a penguin suit (totally unplanned) and Des tells us again how much she loves his spontaneity.  I feel like she needs to rethink how she is using that word...  Finally they head to meet the crazy family and they are all definitely excited to see her.  Wow there is a lot of energy in that room.  Zak's mom is actually insane but also amazing and I want to hang out with her.  And drink wine with her.  The sister is scared that Zak will get hurt, since he seems so happy with Des.  It makes me a little sad to know that he is not going to win.  I mean, he's not.  But can she keep the family?  Zak and his siblings perform a song about how they feel about Des which brings her to tears.  They really are so cute.  Later, Zak gives Des a ring (NOT an engagement ring, okay....) and tells her that he loves her.  I mean, this is really sweet and I like him, but he is not going to win.  Remember Chris, Brooks, and Drew?!  Yeah.

Speaking of Drew, he is next up.  He greets Des with like 1,000 kisses and I cannot handle how adorable he is.  First thing, Drew tells us about his family, including how his divorced parents will both be there together and it could be awkward.  Ohhh great.  They are going to pick up his sister who is intellectually disabled, and I have a feeling that Des' heart will melt for her.  The sister cannot communicate typically, but is so excited to meet Des.  Drew is super sweet with her and we all love him even more.  Drew has a pretty big family and they are all so loving, how can you not want to be a part of this family??  His dad gives him the go-ahead to marry Des and everyone is super supportive.  Just like Drew- so nice!!!  Finally, Drew tells her that he loves her and that he wants her in his life and I die.  So sweet!!!  I really hope this drama shown in the previews is not serious, because I love him. 

Next, we get to visit with Chris.  I can't wait!!  I literally melt when I see him.  Chris takes her to his old baseball field for them to play together and I love it.  His athleticism is making him even more attractive, even if it is baseball and not a real sport, and they look so flippin' cute.  They take a break for Des to show him some drawings that she did, just like his poetry.  How romantic.  She seems nervous about meeting the family, which means she really likes him!  Me too.  Can you tell?  The family welcomes her warmly and she is feeling great.  Des and Chris tell a story that involves Des tweaking her back, and Chris' dad happens to be a chiropractor.  Oh lord.  He decides to give her a little adjustment which Des feels is a little awkward (yes), and Des just wants to talk!  Girl, a free massage?  Live it up!  Pause to note that as Chris goes downstairs to find Des, he tells the family "brb" and I die.  I actually love him even more for that, if that's even possible.  Chris talks to his dad as he gives him a nasal adjustment treatment?  I think this is actually hilarious even if some people think it's weird/gross.  I love this.  His family reveals to Chris that they straight up did not like his last girlfriend (hilarious), so hopefully they will actually like Des!  Luckily his mom likes Des a lot, but I can tell she will never think anyone is good enough for Chris.  But who could be?!  He is perfect.  On top of everything, he loves his mom and treats her well.  DYING.  They have a magical kiss goodbye and seriously- how can she not choose him at the end??  Ahhhh.

Finally it is time for Brooks in good old Salt Lake City.  Time out: are they Mormon?  Is this another Jef situation?  Des tells us first thing that she loves Brooks.  Okay so... really, game over?  Brooks, if you remember, is not sure about Des, and he is hoping that meeting the family will help him figure it out.  He is not feeling the fact that she is spending time with other guys.  Legitimate.  I'm pretty sure I would not be happy about that either...  She gives him a list of all the happy moments they had together to reassure him, but I am worried that this process is not going to work for him. Next, they go out in a canoe in a little lake in a park and they are just so happy together.  But meeting the family is what really matters here...  Brooks has a big family (they must be Mormon, right??), so they are all wearing name tags.  Cute.  Brooks has some serious chats with his siblings to get their take on what makes a good relationship, and it is making him feel good about things.  Which is good!  He tells his mom that he feels close to marriage, but I am not sold.  I'm not totally sure he is ready for marriage, but Des sure does love him.  Brooks is starting to get more excited for a future with Des, but I just don't know if this will work out.  I love him, but I am a little worried.  Plus, if he is indeed Mormon, I'm not sure how that would go.  We'll see...

My pick.
Des' pick.


Now that we have been to the home towns, it is time for the fun to begin- Des' brother is here!!!  Apparently she hasn't even seen her brother since Sean's home town date (really??) but ABC was genius enough to bring him back for some more drama!  Des is still clearly bitter about him screwing up her chances with Sean, but she tries to talk to him about the guys left.  She goes through the rundown that we know by heart: Zak- adventurous, Drew- sweet, Chris- athletic, and Brooks- quirky.  Yup, we have heard this before.  The brother asks to meet the guys now but Des is not sure about that... what if he calls them all playboys??  She sends him off after just a short chat- she really brought him all the way out there for 5 minutes of awkward conversation?  Please.

Before the rose ceremony, Des has a nice little sit down with Chris Harrison for some chit chat about the guys.  Turns out she still loves Brooks even though he is the only one who hasn't said it, so this could get interesting.  She says flat out that she predicts a proposal from Brooks at the end, and we are like, seriously.  Why are you still doing this show then?  To try to make Brooks finally love you back?  I feel like this is not going to end the way she wants.  Clearly Brooks and Chris are her top 2, and I am pretty sure Drew is in 3rd.  But now that her brother is lurking for the rose ceremony, who knows what is going to happen...  Oh wait, nothing.  Are you kidding me that we had all this suspense built up for the brother, but literally nothing happened with it?  Okay, thanks ABC.  Well, Des cries as she prepares to hand out the roses, but as expected they go to Brooks, Chris, and Drew.  Is this season predictable or what??  Zak is devastated of course, and I am the most sad for his awesome little family!  He is so spontaneous as he starts to cry as they say goodbye, and Des knows how he feels.  Flashback to Sean's season and the night she went home.  Oh Zak, please quote Des to Des and tell her she is making a huge mistake.  She gives back the ring and he heads home.  He gives a tearful goodbye from the limo and even throws the ring out the window.  Whatever. 

Next week is the Men Tell All special (already?!) but I don't even care- I want to see who WINS.  We'll see some drama with Ben and James, but I would rather just get to the final episodes!  I can't wait to see how this ends, and hopefully she will find SOMEONE.  Until then...

Monday, July 8, 2013

Week 7 Recap: The Return of Lesley M.!

I swear I haven't watched this week's episode yet, but I am going to put this out there:  If Michael doesn't go home this week, I will pay someone $100.  Not sure who is taking me up on this bet, but I cannot possibly see him making it to hometown dates.  In fact, why is he even still here?  Okay, back to the rest of the show.  We are down to 5 and everyone is heading to Madeira this week!  I hope it is a perfect place to fall in love!!

Des has 3 one-on-one dates, and a two-on-one, but nobody has to go home.  No pressure, just fun! Before that, Des has invited Catherine, Lesley M., and Jackie from last season to help her figure things out.  I wish you could have heard me scream just now.  LESLEY!!!  They all have a cocktail session where Des spills all about the guys.  Catherine tells us how happy she is with Sean (is that awkward for Des?) and then they get to creep on the guys (with binoculars and everything) from a distance to check them out.  This is literally like sightseers at the zoo watching the animals as they show off for the onlookers behind the fence.  What I wouldn't give to be hanging out with them right now!  They compare all the guys (sounds like Drew is a fave), and when Catherine asks who has the biggest you-know-what (assuming she asked that since it was bleeped of course), Des assumes it is Chris.  Winner!  I think my neighbors think I am nuts since I have been shrieking in my house for the past 10 minutes, but I am loving this girl talk and cannot even handle it. 

Okay I guess we need to see some actual dates now...  Brooks gets the first date of the week, and we all hope that he can show his readiness for a serious commitment!  Des drives him up a mountain until they arrive atop a ridiculously high cliff.  So romantic, but so terrifying.  They literally drive up above the clouds, and she is "on the road to falling in love"- get it??  Brooks is between like and love in the clouds trying to find out how he feels.  These metaphors!  Des can see Brooks as her husband and they really are adorable breaking through the clouds AND their relationship.  Lost in cloud nine. Seriously, people.  We get it.  You are in the clouds and also in love.  Enough.  Later, out of the clouds, they have a romantic dinner where Brooks is ready to find out how Des really feels about meeting the family.  Des comes up with some "adjectives" between like and love that describe where they are, which include "stepping, skipping, and running."  Wait, are those adjectives?  Or should someone go back to 5th grade?  Des admits how deep she is falling for him, but Brooks is a little bit apprehensive.  Brooks needs her to meet the fam first- that is legit- but hopefully this doesn't mean that he will be breaking HER heart eventually!  Love him, but getting nervous...  Regardless, he is definitely getting a rose this week.
Literally on Cloud 9!!  (ABC)
Chris gets the next one-on-one date, and I am excited.  Honestly, HOW is he still single?  He is incredible.  Like, perfect. The other guys watch jealously as they board a yacht to go out onto the water.  This is perfect!  They both agree that there is some hot physical attraction, and we can all see that too.  They arrive at a deserted island and have an adorable picnic that actually seems so real.  He is the best.  Chris brought the materials for a message in a bottle and they are going to write a poem together.  So romantic and creative- they both love poetry!  Chris is so genuinely happy and I cannot handle how adorable he is.  LOVE.  Dinner finally rolls around, and Chris is ready to do one important thing: tell Des those 3 little words.  I die.  Hope he gets the courage!  They are having a great convo, but all the sudden Chris gets really nervous and things start to get really awkward.  He has written her another love poem that ends with "I love you," and even though usually I hate this corny stuff, I LOVE it.  Des is so overjoyed and knows he has all the qualities she wants.  If Chris doesn't win, PLEASE make him the next Bachelor.  I want more of him!  I am literally dying. (Plus- we are assuming he has the biggest you-know-what, which is always a bonus...)

Next, Michael finally gets a one-on-one date, but don't worry guys, this shouldn't be threatening to you.  She will realize how lame/confrontational/ugly he is, and he will leave.  Have I mentioned that I am not a fan?  Let's all get ready for this pity date.  They go around exploring and  I literally cannot even look at them holding hands.  Seeing them kiss disgusts me and I just feel like they are both nice people and nothing else.  They take a toboggan ride down a hill, like a roller coaster ride, which is just like love.  Get it?  It is fast and you are scared and there are ups and downs.  Stop.  This is the first time we see real alone time with them, and I am not feeling it.  We find out that Michael comes from a broken home AND has diabetes, and I know that Des does not want to deal with that stuff!  Michael is so happy to be with Des, after previous heartbreak he really feels it with her.  Des thinks he is nice and sincere, but there is no chemistry there, and we all know that matters most!

Finally, Zak and Drew are going on a two-on-one date, where there will be a rose available.  Looks like Des is pitting them in a competition against each other, and we know she just wants to see the 2 hottest bods go at it!  I would.  They both love Des, and I am ready to see these guys fight for her.  They end up at a race track where they will race go-karts for Des.  Drew is adorable and is definitely showing a more adventurous side that Des wanted to see.  Love!  Zak reminds us that love is like that adrenaline that you feel when racing, and I appreciate that metaphor (simile?) for sure.  He wins the race and is hoping to win her heart as well!  Drew is upset, but ready to share his true feelings!  Des takes her one-on-one time with Zak first, since he won of course, and Zak pulls out something special for her.  It's an artistic scrapbook of their time together.  Cute, but do others remember the time he came out of the limo shirtless the first night, then jumped into the pool to earn his first rose??  I feel like this is another Lindsay (from Sean's season) situation, where he starts out crazy but ends up being cool, but is still not marriage material!  Finally Drew gets some alone time, and I swoon.  He is so excited to bring her home and show another side of himself.  He admits that he has fallen in love with her (though he hasn't said those words specifically), they kiss, and I die.  Team Drew!  Des gives the rose to Drew and I am beyond happy.  Zak is classy and acts happy for him, but inside he is not okay.  The rose ceremony is that night, and Zak is getting nervous. Honestly, I would be fine if he went home too, but I am pretty confident it will be Michael. We'll see...

The guys are all starting to panic in time for the rose ceremony, and Des calms herself with a nice chat with Chris Harrison.  Des admits that Drew is the best looking guy she has ever met (agreed) and he is definitely husband material.  She then smiles about Brooks and admits that she has hit the finish line (aka in love) with him.  So, game over?  He wins already?  She starts to cry about being in love, and I'm like, what about Chris??? And Drew???  However, Brooks hasn't said that he loves her, and it makes her nervous.  Things are getting complicated!  It is clear that Brooks and Chris will get roses, so now it depends on Zak or Michael.  Who even cares, neither of them is winning.  As predicted, Michael is sent home- SHOCK- and I am ready to collect my hundred bucks from whoever would have bet me otherwise.  Des walks him out and explains the reasoning, but really all she needs to say is: I don't like your face.  Goodbye.  He calls his mom to break the news and she consoles him- he doesn't get why this happens!  I know: you need to stop going for hot girls.  They don't want you. Anyway, my three favorites and Zak are getting hometowns next week, and I cannot wait!  Oh, and Des' douchebag brother will be back!  Looking forward to it!  Until then...

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Week 6 Recap: Auditions for the Jersey Shore

Again, I am a bit late on my post this week due to a little vacation, but I am ready to find out what happens!  Remember all the drama that started with James, but never came out to Des??  It's ALL coming out this week, and I cannot wait. Get ready for some more tears!!  They are all in Barcelona for the week, which of course Des thinks is the perfect place to fall in love!  There are a lot of lame-o's left and I am hoping that at least 2 of them get sent home this week.  We find out that there will be no cocktail party this week, so time with Des is precious!!

Drew gets the first one-on-one date, and I am so happy!  He is adorable and has not had enough screen time for me yet.  As Des says, he is passionate about romance (redundant?), so she cannot wait to hang out with him in the city.  I actually love seeing them kiss (he is so cute!), and even though he is "reserved," they are having a great time on this date!  Drew admits about his family history and his father's struggle with alcoholism, and we all love a good sob story.  He is so positive about things though, and we all love it, including Des.  P.S. I love when people open up about something for the first time ever on national television... anyone else find that fascinating??  Later, they end up in this super romantic little square for a private dinner, and Drew's emotions are going CRAZY.  He decides to steal her away as the cameras rush to follow, and they have a SUPER hot make out sesh in an alley, and if it weren't for all the cameras, this would be amazing.  Des loves how emotional he is, and she knows she can trust him.  He gets the rose, they make out some more, and we just DIE of the romance.  But THEN, Drew decides to bring up the James drama... Nooooo do not ruin this happy moment!!!  Thank goodness that Des trusts Drew so much, and she is happy that he exposed James and told the truth.  And she is definitely pissed at James, as we saw with a fair amount of bleeping in her interview.  Love it.

At the hotel the next day, Drew tells his buddies about the James situation, and Michael and Kasey are excited to see how things go down on the group date.  The group date involves 6 guys playing soccer (futbol?), and this could get dicey.  Des decides that she is going to give James the benefit of the doubt, in case things were taken out of context, so we will see...  Meanwhile, I wonder who is going to look the best on the soccer field??  Brooks informs us that Juan Pablo's name is directly translated to: You have no chance, and I am going after Desiree on this soccer field.  I die.  This is why we love Brooks!!  Des tells the guys that they will be playing a game vs. Des' team, which is 6 girls.  All the guys laugh that the girls will have no chance, but we find out that they are a pro team from Spain, and I hope these girls destroy them.  Michael tells us that it is okay to kick a girl, and they are heating things up!  Don't the guys know that letting Des win is the way to her heart??  James plays goalie, and lets literally every ball through, and everyone can tell that he is not feeling it (even Des!).  The girls win easily, but the real game is just beginning OFF the field!
My kind of game... (ABC)
The guys all head to Des' place for a late night date to "kick it with Des."  These guys and their jokes!  First Des brings Chris up to her room (dang, girl!) and they just hang out on the bed. Des!  Moving so fast!  Des reads the poem that she wrote for him at the airport, and it is so sweet.  We get it Des, you love Chris.  Meanwhile, Kasey decides he needs to talk to James and get this drama out there.  Michael agrees that they need to address it.  I am worried that Kasey is too obsessed with this whole thing, and I hope it doesn't ruin his chances with Des.  I am starting to feel like he needs to back down.  Kasey tells James what he heard, and James puts on his best acting face and looks shocked and confused.  Or more like, "oh shit, nobody was supposed to hear that."  Des has some nice alone time with Brooks while the other guys hash out their drama, which is good for him.  I love him too, ugh!  Downstairs, James denies everything, and puts it all on Mikey.  All the sudden, James comes at the other guys, and granted, Michael is the most angry even though he wasn't even there to overhear all this. James' anger is really getting intense as he tells everyone to eff off and continues to deny it all.  What is this, his audition for the Jersey Shore??  Well, the cameras will reveal all! (Except when they are conveniently off, of course.)  Kasey spends his alone time with Des telling her about the James drama, and Des seems happy that she told the truth.  Unfortunately, Des is pretty pissed off and sends the other guys home without handing out the rose.  Des tells us that shit is about to hit the fan, but will she be too nice to send him home??

Finally Des confronts James and tells him that she believes what the guys told her.  James struggles to defend himself and again pins it all on Mikey.  He swears on his dad that he never said anything about the girls and the boats, and that the worst case is that he could become the Bachelor.  Yikes.  Apparently the guys were all just ganging up on him and he feels so excluded.  This acting.  He starts to turn away and tear up, and I am gagging here.  James promises that this is just tough and he does want to be here, but he doesn't know how he will feel next week.  Okay...  It literally sounds like Des is talking to a child trying to get him to admit that he stole the cookies from the jar.  This is painful to watch, and we all know she just needs to get this crap out of here.  She takes a minute to think, but decides that she needs to sleep on it to process everything.  This is too much, and James feels robbed and shocked.  Get out of here.  Back at home, the guys talk about the situation, and James cries on the way home for being attacked.  Do you even like Des??  He doesn't want to live with these guys anymore, but guess who comes home??  James walks in and simply says, "Gentlemen.  Goodnight."  Love it.

Oh yeah, we have one more date this week, and Zak is a little worried that Des will be distracted for this date.  Des wakes up feeling bad and needs a break from the drama in the house.  Nothing like Zak to do that!  Is it just me, or does Zak remind anyone else of a cartoon character?  They spend the day doing some artwork, and I really hope they are going to paint a nude model.  Alas, the model is clothed, but it is fun to see their artwork.  They decide to draw each other, and Zak's picture of Des is literally the worst thing I've ever seen.  Oh wait, the model comes back in and poses totally nude, full frontal, and Zak's face is priceless.  They both look horrified and uncomfortable, but do the painting as well.  Zak decides to surprise Des by putting on the model's robe and we all hope he will be nude.  He takes off the robe to reveal tighty-whiteys, and flexes his bod.  This is definitely the best way for him to win Des' heart, as she cannot get enough of his muscles.  Luckily they go to a romantic dinner in a cave so that Zak can prove he is more than a hot bod and a good kisser.  She loves that he is so fun and engaging, but I do not see them together forever.  He is positive and adventurous, but I feel like he is not the settling down type- this show is just another adventure.  Des will see it soon enough, I hope.  He gets the rose, and I like him, but he is not the one.  He'll be adventurous, but he won't settle down.

Back at the hotel, James talks to Drew some more about the issue, and he really is delusional.  The men think the only focus should be on ending up with Des (of course), and they shouldn't even be considering becoming the next Bachelor.  Fair.  James thinks it is legit to think about a future with Des, or as the next Bachelor.  Man, I really hope he does become the next Bachelor.  That would be great.  The next morning, the guys are all hanging out and when James walks in the room just goes silent.  So. Awkward. Des comes in and takes James away to finish their chat, and the suspense is killing me!  The guys don't expect him to come back, but I have a bad feeling about this...  Des says she is ready to send him home, but I still don't believe it yet!  She sits down with him to talk, but I feel like she just needs to get it done.  Can we talk about the other guys standing on the balcony watching this whole thing in the background?  Love it.  Des starts to get fooled by James' facade and she cannot stay strong.  Don't believe his crap, Des, he is a salesman!  Think about all those good guys you have that did NOT do this to you back at the hotel! He basically begs Des to keep him around and she falls for it and he thanks her profusely for keeping him here.  This is who you want as your future husband!?  Idiot.  James goes back and tells the guys about the talk he had, and Chris cannot hold his tongue- James says becoming the Bachelor would be a win-win situation, but why is he even thinking about that?!?  I cannot wait until Des sees this footage.  Wow.

The guys are ready to start a mutiny if this rose ceremony does not go the way they want, and I really hope she is not going to be a moron about this.  She is sending home THREE guys tonight, which is unexpected, and I am worried for some of my faves!!  Mainly Kasey- don't shoot the messenger!  Chris gets the first rose (no surprise there- love him!), and Brooks gets the second (again, no surprise).  And the final rose of the night goes to...  Michael.  WHAT?!?  He is so unattractive I cannot even handle it!  Juan Pablo going home is no surprise- he was hardly even on the show, James we all say good riddance to, but Kasey makes me sad.  I love him, but I guess I never really saw a connection.  Michael makes another lawyer reference about James being found guilty, and I cannot believe he is still around.  I am fairly happy with the top 5, and I am confident that Chris, Brooks, and Drew will be the top 3. We can only hope!  Previews show that Drew is going to break her heart at the last minute (WHAT?) and that every guy left is going to cry at some point.  So much drama to come!  Is she going to end up alone?!?  I can't wait to find out...